2007 November | Kaiser Mommy

Archive for November, 2007

Nov 19

NaNoWriMonday – 1:2

She relaxed and said, ?��Ǩ?�Good morning.?��Ǩ�� The other woman smiled gently, as a mother to a daughter and replied, ?��Ǩ?�Good morning, dear.?��Ǩ�� She gently smoothed her hand over the younger woman?��Ǩ�Ѣs hair as she shuffled past to her own chair at the table.

The older woman was thin, angular and harsh looking around the edges. Her hair was drawn back in a bun, but there were springs of hair that escaped from around the temples and hairline. Her eyes were blue and sharp, her mouth was a firm line, that meant business, but was not unkind. This woman emanated serious with every move. She sat in a firm chair, cushioned by a simple needlepoint pillow. she adjusted the brooch at her high necked collar and picked up a sock and needle. With tiny, perfect stiches she began to close the hole in the heel.

?��Ǩ?�I see our girl is out playing already this morning.?��Ǩ�� the older woman commented.

?��Ǩ?�Yes, she?��Ǩ�Ѣs been at the grasshoppers again.?��Ǩ��

?��Ǩ?�It?��Ǩ�Ѣs a wonder that LaVerne can stand to have her mess in her flowers like that. She?��Ǩ�Ѣs surely knocking the blooms off the stems as she bats away at those grasshoppers.?��Ǩ��

?��Ǩ?�Oh, I am fair certain that it?��Ǩ�Ѣs her grandpa who lets her get away with it. I?��Ǩ�Ѣve seen him carefully bending into the flowers to hide the mess that she makes. He dotes that girl. Actually, he dotes both those girls.?��Ǩ��

?��Ǩ?�How long until LaVerne will join us??��Ǩ��

?��Ǩ?�Many years, best I can tell. Should be twenty or so. She?��Ǩ�Ѣs so careful, that I can?��Ǩ�Ѣt imagine she?��Ǩ�Ѣll leave any before she needs to.?��Ǩ��

?��Ǩ?�She?��Ǩ�Ѣs a strong woman, for sure. She survived the cancer few years back. Better than I could manage when the cancer got me. I was a strong woman, but too much, too much had cracked my heart long before the cancer came to rest in my bosom.?��Ǩ��

?��Ǩ?�I know all about cracked hearts Mother. That?��Ǩ�Ѣs what sent me here sooner than I was ready for.?��Ǩ��

?��Ǩ?�I haven?��Ǩ�Ѣt forgotten what got you here, Leta. My mind never slipped, and I was ever watching you after I came here.?��Ǩ��

?��Ǩ?�Always, Mother? Has it always been like this??��Ǩ��

?��Ǩ?�Yes, daughter. As far back as Mary, the mothers have come here to wait and to watch our daughters in the world. We keep a simple life, we watch through that window. We keep vigil over our girls. We watch our genes pass from woman to woman, ever hoping that each new generation will be sweeter and stronger than the last.?��Ǩ��

?��Ǩ?�Have you ever been disappointed, Mother??��Ǩ��

?��Ǩ?�I have not been disappointed since I came here, Leta. There were too many heartbreaks long before I came. The only thing that kept me steady was the faint knowledge that somehow, someday, if I stayed steady and true that the Father would bring me home and my days of disappointment would be of the past.?��Ǩ��

?��Ǩ?�Were you surprised to find that the Father was actually the Mother??��Ǩ��

Next entry?Ǭ�

14
comments

Posted in NaNoWriMonday

Nov 18

Weekly Winners – Photos

Lotus has started a weekly winners meme.
My photography skillz totally don’t measure up – but I think my subject will help make up for it.

He’s playing with my favorite bear of all time – Jasper.

And he has the “just woke up” pink cheeks going on.

5 points to the person who can identify the publication he shredded in the background

19
comments

Posted in Weekly Winners

Nov 17

My Preppy Name

Your Preppy Name Is…

Pomeroy Steele Holden the Fourth
But most people know you as Buffy

What’s Your Preppy Name?

Feel free to refer to me as Buffy in all our correspondence now.

As a side note – Alex started crawling on Thursday. It seems to be helping him fall asleep better – last night he was grizzly and fighting sleep till he crawled up on Scout’s chest and fell asleep within minutes. Apparently he just wants to choose where he sleeps – cuz a mattress just isn’t comfier than Daddy.

18
comments

Posted in Kaiser Mommy

Nov 16

PBK meets Cheapa$$

Nursery decorating part one:

Pottery Barn Kids curtains.

Bed Bath and Beyond hardware. And I swear ya’lls, I should have taken photos and blogged how effing long it took me to get the thing out of the package. It was hermetically sealed in scissor deflecting plastic bordered by cardboard. It took me longer to get the thing out of the package than it did to attach to the wall. No lie. I won’t buy another product from them for sure. (I think is an Umbra brand curtain rod.)

Supah cute quilt that of course can’t be used with the baby for a while.

Hanging on the wall by a 3 dollar cafe rod. I’m supah proud of this quilt hanging action.

PBK baskets and liners – the dresser is an old TV stand that friends of ours were going to throw out because the door was busted off. I took the door and the hinges off, primed and painted, and got myself a new, shiny, free dresser. (Okay, it’s not a dresser but my brain is *not* coming up with the right word right now.)

More of my cheapskate mixed with stuff I spend too much money on Monday!

16
comments

Posted in Kaiser Mommy

Nov 15

Alex has something to say

AW@@#AMN BJHBH J MNNNNNNNNNNNN*KKMNKM

(IUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJN

UUUUUUUUUUUUJ INH7AAAJVV CFYB7GT6T6FV BKM K

ZZZZ23VV
‘;0;0;L9;PLP[[[[[[

I gave up and let him at the keyboard after he helped me leave this comment at Playgroups are No Place for Children

“MY 6 M he ONq?鬩?��Ǩ��h old doesnt sq4IT`Q `1Uqwp 2RQwOR sleep 2t1ro ugh the `night either – ”

Which translated is “My 6 month old doesn’t sit up or sleep through the night either”

Who needs lead based toys when ya can play with mommy’s computer eh?

13
comments

Posted in Kaiser Mommy

Nov 14

Spud Stud

Unintentional Darth Tater flashing:

15
comments

Posted in Kaiser Mommy

Nov 13

My 100 things

Okay, so I’m actually more or less at post 200, but you’ll forgive me if I only give 100 things about me – really, I’m just looking out for you.

1. I have turned 27.

2. More than once.

3. Scout and I were married 9 years, 1 month, and 14 days after our first kiss.

4. I knew he was my lobster before he knew he was my lobster.

5. I used to hate scrapbooking.

6. I changed my mind.

7. I have been to 10 foreign countries (Canada, Mexico, England, Ireland, Scotland, France, Germany, Cayman Islands, Jamaica)

8. I just realized our passports expired last week.

9. I’m concerned that England, Ireland and Scotland are all part of the UK and not actual countries, I’m afraid that I’m looking like a stupid American right about now.

10. Since being pregnant, I don’t have to shave my legs as often. This is my one perk of pregnancy. (other than the baby… clearly)

11. Scout is 13 inches taller than me. (Oh wait, this is about me… I am 13 inches shorter than Scout.)

12. My dad is a retired mortician.

13. He used to work with FEMA to identify people after mass casualties.

14. Like airline crashes.

15. I’m terrified of flying.

16. I went to 3 universities before getting a Bachelors degree.

17. They all have different names now.

18. I have a disgustingly high IQ.

19. I routinely forget to put the lid on popcorn while popping it.

20. I have insomnia.

21. Right now.

22. Which is perverse because I’ve been exhausted all day.

23. I adore Trinny and Susannah and detest Clinton and Stacey.

24. I grew up in the same town as Shawn Pelton. (The drummer from Saturday Night Live.)

25. I had his mom for class.

26. Somewhere is a photo of me with David Hasselhoff. At the World of Wheels when I was 8 or so.

27. I use a MacBook Pro.

28. It’s missing a tab key because the Kaiser ripped it off.

29. I love German food. Especially schnitzel. Okay, fine, the sauce on the schnitzel.

30. I want to live in Germany.

31. I want to make the Kaiser learn German, so I can live vicariously through my child.

32. I don’t think that’s a healthy idea.

33. I am Episcopalian.

34. If I sat down and analyzed what I really believe, they might throw me out.

35. I haven’t tried to go to church in a year.

36. I have a million excuses why.

37. I like dark chocolate better than milk chocolate.

38. I have had three cats.

39. For some reason when I went to type “cats”, I typed “days” instead.

40. I am a genealogy DORK.

41. I track other people’s families for fun.

42. I think about trying to make a little pocket money at it.

43. I knit.

44. I am becoming a total yarn snob, I shop by feel.

45. I laugh my ass off at “Kentucky Fried Movie”. Especially “Catholic High School Girls in Trouble.

46. I have known Scout for 13 years, 9 months and 1 day.

47. I would like to sew my own clothes.

48. I have shit for patience with sewing.

49. I am jealous of other women.

50. It’s one of my least attractive qualities.

51. It’s uglier than my stretchmarks.

52. I detest wine.

53. I wish I didn’t, I think wine is classy.

54. I detest beer.

55. I wish I didn’t, I think it’s fun.

56. I love me some vodka.

57. Especially in a Bloody Mary.

58. I love Seabreezes.

59. But I get pissed when a bartender makes a Cape Cod instead. Bleah.

60. I never want to own a dog.

61. Scout would love a dog.

62. Alex sleeps with us.

63. Because my mommy paranoia is that SIDS will eat my baby if he sleeps alone.

64. I don’t know when I’m going to get over that.

65. I suck *SUCK* at doing my hair.

66. I get to be featured on Whoorl’s “Hair Thursday” sometime in 2008.

67. I’m not a fan of Disney Movies.

68. Because they almost always kill of a parent. That’s not entertainment to me.

69. I love the Indigo Girls.

70. I love Depeche Mode.

71. I love old school Erasure.

72. I probably don’t know any other groups. Ever.

73. I have been known to identify a James Taylor song in only 2 notes.

74. Six.

75. No I’m not telling you six what. You can use your imagination.

76. I can actually cook.

77. I am incapable of folding Scout’s tshirts.

78. I am too short to easily put pillowcases on king size pillows.

79. I like hard beds.

80. I’m sucking at my October/November Mrs. Flinger challenge.

81. Alex seems to be left hand dominant and it bugs me.

82. It bugs me that it bugs me.

83. My dad and I have problems.

84. Sometimes it makes me sad.

85. Sometimes I don’t give a damn.

86. I know I’ve run out of things to say when I start whining about daddy issues.

87. I love seeing stereotypes proven true.

88. I love seeing stereotypes proven false.

89. I believe the more stuff you know, the funnier life is.

90. My favorite quote is, “The world steps aside to let anyone pass, if they know where they are going.”

91. I love sandwiches. I’d like to have one right now.

92. I’m considering changing Alex’s name.

93. To Cock Block
94. My NaNoWriMo story – you’ve read the best of it, it’s downhill from here.

95. Once upon a time, I was a certified PreK-6 teacher.

96. Now I am a board certified speech-language pathologist.

97. I never understood why people used such choppy sentences in these 100 things thing.

98. I understand now.

99. Really.

100. I do.

23
comments

Posted in Kaiser Mommy

Nov 12

NaNoWriMonday – Chapter One

Here’s the first page of the novel:

The table was wooden, walnut, stained and scarred from years of use. Shiny like many hands with many rags had swept over it?��Ǩ�Ѣs surface to keep it clean. It was hard, dented, worn, and loved. The chairs that were placed around it were in similar condition. Mismatched, selected for the comfort of the user, rather than the beauty of a matched set. The chairs were decorated with an assortment of colorful, but worn, pillows, afghans, light blankets, and sweaters.

Women lived here. Women sat at this table and did womanly things. There had been years of talking, observing and working by several sets of hands at this table.

The room was not a large one. The walls were wooden, with some light streaking through a crack over by an east facing window. The window was simple, with pink curtains made from a potato sack framing the extreme brightness on the other side.

There sat a small stove in the corner, not a modern stove, but one you would find in a history exhibit. It now sat small and cold, unused, unneeded.

The fireplace held a small fire, with a cast iron bucket hanging over it, the bucket contained water with herbs that cast a homey smell across the cozy room.

Out the window, off in the distance, a young girl could be seen. She had strawberry blonde hair, held back with barrettes. She was wearing a yellow sundress with ties on the shoulders and white sandals. She was a picture of delicate girlhood with skinned knees and dirty hands from all her hard playing out in the grass and the dirt. The girl looked to be four or five, she was busy taking the cane of a tall man and poking it into a marigold plant. Each time she poked the cane, a cloud of grasshoppers would jump into the air, scaring the girl, making her flinch. Each time, she came back to the plot of flowers and poked again, curiosity winning over fear and flinching.

Now a woman came into the kitchen. She was about sixty. She had a lovely face, with dark hair. She was the kind of woman who people would have said, ?��Ǩ?�she?��Ǩ�Ѣd be lovely if she weren?��Ǩ�Ѣt so fat.?��Ǩ�� It was true, she was a well padded woman. This morning she had clean, neatly pinned hair, a dry face, and a touch of beeswax on her lips. Other mornings, when she looked as if she had been working hard, when her hair flew around, and sweat made her face shine, no one would call her pretty. She poured a cup of the tea from the fire into a white stone mug decorated with blue flowers. She settled herself into a wide, comfortable chair with arms, next to the table. She pulled the pillows around her and set them so they would gently hold her body in their puffiness. Around her shoulders, she pulled a soft blanket, made from velvets in a crazy quilt pattern. The velvets were bright, the brightest colors in the faded room. She held the mug of tea in both hands, and watched the young girl outside, with interest. She did this every day, so she was used to the routines of the young girl as they meshed with the routines of her own.

She twirled a ring around her finger on her left hand. Idly pulling it off and over her knuckle. She did this unconsciously as she had done many many mornings before this one. She was so focused on watching the girl play with the grasshoppers, that she jumped slightly against the needlepoint pillows when a hand lay on her shoulder.

24
comments

Posted in NaNoWriMonday

Nov 11

8 things meme

Got tagged from Modified Mummy, SAHMmy and Sarcastic Mom!

Eight Things I am Passionate About

- keeping Alex healthy

- spending money responsibly

- organic food

- organic cotton (okay, I’m working on it)

- everyone deserves a home

- everyone deserves health care

- everyone deserves to communicate

- I deserve a full night of sleep sometime before I die … ooo slick segue …

Eight Things I Want To Do Before I Die

- full night of sleep

- live in Germany

- find out who my great great great grandparents from Germany were

- see all 50 states

- be debt free

- have a granddaughter

- listen to Alex talk about how his child never sleeps and laugh my ass off

- spend time on a boat with Scout

Eight Things I Say Often

- fuck

- Alex, NO

- OW!

- I’m calling the gypsies

- I love you, baby.

- you too, little baby.

- you too, furry baby.

- sorry I didn’t get (fill in the blank of housework) done today.

Eight Books I?��Ǩ�Ѣve Recently Read

- Harry Potter 7

- The Wonder Weeks

- The No Cry Sleep Solution

- Touchpoints

(OMG I’m depressing myself with this list)

- All of the Little House books (just before baby was born – I nested with them)

- God Save the Sweet Potato Queens

- Sullivan’s Island

- Shem Creek

Eight Songs That I Could Listen To Over And Over

(according to iTunes)

- Going through the Motions – Buffy the Vampire Slayer

- Ave Maria – Celine Dion

- When you Say Nothing at All – Ronan Keating

- Insensitive – Jann Arden

- Good Mother – Jann Arden

- Take a Picture – Filter

- Song for a Winter’s Night – Sarah MacLachlan

- You Never Even Called Me By My Name – David Allan Coe

Eight Things That Attract Me To My Best Friends

- Clothes

- Lack of drama

- Intelligence

- Make me laugh

- Don’t make me cry

- Let me be me

- Understand I hate the phone

- Don’t tell me what to do

Eight Things I Have Learned This Past Year

- Labor hurts, but it’s doable

- I can still stay up all night and all day

- I’m terrified of something bad happening to Alex

- I can make new friends

- I can cook

- I can (slowly) get routines to keep a house

- I really like not having to go to work every day

- It’s really hard to never get to be “off work”

I’m tagging whoever is looking for NaBloMe fodder.

10
comments

Posted in Kaiser Mommy

Nov 10

Oh irony!

So yesterday I spazzed over not getting to read people, and ya’ll assured me that I was still loved and to pull my head out of my ass and stuff like that.

Irony is that yesterday, I was 3 hits away from my best day ever on the blog – traffic wise. Which I think I just really, really funny.

PPD Watch – day two – much better – the sleep was a big help (I love my Scout). I had a preplanned date to meet up with some mom’s for coffee so that was good (they have nonsleeping kids too – so I don’t have to feel bad if I take a grizzly kid). I stepped on the scale and had lost another pound. I was trying on clothes to see what fit and virtually all of my prepregnancy pants fit again. (Don’t ask about the shirts – nursing, remember?) So, day two of the watch was an improvement – I had energy to work on some stuff so that’s a good sign. I’ll see how it goes the rest of the week.

9
comments

Posted in I have no idea

Nov 09

I’m a bad blog friend

Today I had to do the unthinkable.

I can’t….

I don’t even want to admit it to you….

But you deserve the truth….

In the midst of NaBloMe (Dawn 2Pair coined it, I merely steal it) and NaNoWriMyAssOffMo, and the hundreds of unread posts in my reader, and then the painters being here and not being able to get on the ‘net all one day this week, and then actually being a parent, and then the night I fell asleep at 930… and the other night I didn’t fall asleep till 4am….

All of this my friends … I did the unthinkable.

I hit “Mark All As Read”

Oh God, the shame.

And then.

I marked all my emails as read. I haven’t responded to anyone all week, and not much last week either.

I’m a bad bad blog friend.

Sigh.

ps. to everyone who wanted to know what food was Alex was eating last week – brocolli.

pps. I’m putting myself on PPD watch-day one. I think I’m just so tired I can’t move, think or motivte – but I need to watch it – I know if I mention it here that I’m accountable for it and I won’t ignore it or blow it off. We’ll see how things look when I’m not on 4 hours or less of sleep.

24
comments

Posted in Issues

Nov 08

Philanthropy Thursday

Officially, it was last week – as Mary Alice and Jen planned. And I was actually working on it. Last week. On Thursday.

It was even ON my calendar.

But I forgot it was Thursday.

You know, Mom brain.

So, now that it’s Thursday again …

I’ve learned how to knit hats, on circular needles. Alex has been sleeping on me for naps (still). I have a ton of old yarn that isn’t really enough to make anything with.

Except hats. So I started knitting baby sized hats. I found a local church who is making a donation on Sunday to help out people this winter who need winter wear. Today Alex and I will take hats to the church and drop them off.

Happy Philanthropy Thursday all y’all!

19
comments

Posted in Kaiser Mommy

Nov 07

The mommy thing

This week I had an email from a friend. I liked my answer and since I’m pressed for time and words and ideas, I clearly decided to make it a blog post.

***

So, tell me with 100% honesty… What do you think of the Mommy thing? I am afraid that maybe I am only good at the “your my kids for no more than a few hours or a few days” gig. I am wondering if I really want to put in an additional 20+ years into this torture they call parenting.

Since our tolerance level is similar, what do you think?

***

I thought about this answer all day yesterday. And at different points in the day, I had different answers.

You remember having to write the philosophy of education in undergrad? This is kind of like that.

Bottom line. If you choose to have kid(s) or not to have kid(s), you’ll be happy with your choice. You’ll also look over at the green grass on the other side and wonder if you should have chosen differently.

There are days I’m not a great mom. I’m not down on the floor playing with Alex, reading him books, and showing him new things. I am on the couch knitting and gazing at the tv while he scoots around on the floor doing his own thing. There are days I merely keep him safe, fed and more or less adequately diapered. I spend too much time on the computer trying to cling to the part of me that is mine all mine and no one elses. I write the blog to have something that is mine. I take time away from Alex that maybe he deserves to have – maybe not – because I’m still with him more than if I had a full time gig, and I certainly wouldn’t expect a sitter to spend every minute with him.

Sometimes he’s a pain in the ass and I want to call the gypsies to come take him away. Sometimes I picture throwing him into the wall just to make the crying stop. (Carrie once told me about feeling that way and I didn’t get it – now I get it.) He’s not a good sleeper, and while I’m really okay with that in theory (he can’t feed himself, toilet himself, walk around himself or communicate with words, I don’t expect him to sleep well either), after a night or two of soul crushing wakeups followed by a couple of days of only taking naps on me … I’m ready to put him on the curb with a free sign.

Like now, when he’s crying in his crib – It’s about time for me to go get him – but I’m trying to give him a chance to fall asleep on his own.

I can’t watch the news anymore, every time I see a headline that has a baby in it – I see Alex’s face. I see him hurt, abused, tortured, or dead. I’m oversensitive to it so I’ve shoved my head in the sand and I rely on mommy blogs and the husband to get me important news. Well, that, Saturday Night Live News and the occasionally Daily Show and Colbert Report.

OMG, I think baby might just put himself to sleep.

I still don’t care for other people’s kids just because I have a kid. Some kids are sweet and likable, some are not.

My marriage is different. There’s less passion right now – which is mostly from me – It’s hard to want to have sex when I’ve had a baby attached to me all day long and then on the weeks where I’m attached to the breast pump trying to keep the baby fed – forget it, I don’t even want to be touched at all. On the other hand, I love him more for seeing him as a father, for seeing him with Alex, the love that is there, the way he lets himself be vulnerable to this little dictator that we have in our home now. I have a real partner in this parenting gig, it is a shared responsibility, which is a pleasant surprise. I didn’t expect to feel so 50/50 with the parenting thing.

I think my heart is full with one. I don’t think we need another baby. Ever. I have the occasional fleeting moment of wanting another one, and then Alex screams or whines, or basically acts like a real live baby and I remember that this is hard and I have my limits and I need to respect those limits.

I do love him more than I thought possible. And through that I love hubs more each day. Which sounds like trite bs, but it is actually true. I do have a drive to take care of them both, even when I’m feeling tired and bored.

Sometimes I resent that I have no schedule – that I can’t plan to be someplace and have a clue as to how Alex will act. Like right now, I’m supposed to be walking with people, I’m supposed to be outside, getting exercise, doing something good for my body and having conversation good for my mind. I had shoes on and was in the process of being in the process of walking out the door. Then Alex got hungry and wanted his bottle, so I gave him the bottle, then he didn’t want the bottle, then he did want the bottle, then it was 4 minutes before I was supposed to be 20 minutes away and I gave up on the idea of getting to do something *I* wanted to do. And I don’t do that with a free heart. I don’t like not getting my way.

(baby needs me. he’s past sleeping on his own, and the cry now has changed to the one that breaks my heart. I’ll be back)

…

I get tired of having to type one handed because I’m either holding baby or a breast pump. I wonder why he just can’t sleep. I wonder why why WHY I have to be everything to this little boy.

But.

If I had the choice, like the country song, I’d choose him again. I’d choose this little boy who’s smile in the morning is a welcome sight, even when I’m tired. I love watching him learn new things. Somewhere around 4 months, I felt a change when I would pick him up, it’s like I could feel his little heart next to mine, and I could feel the mommy love there. And that’s pretty addictive.

Read these, I think they are good.

Remember – you’ll be happy no matter what you choose. I think that’s important to hold on to.

20
comments

Posted in Issues

Archive for November, 2007

NaNoWriMonday – 1:2

Weekly Winners – Photos

My Preppy Name

PBK meets Cheapa$$

Alex has something to say

Spud Stud

My 100 things

NaNoWriMonday – Chapter One

8 things meme

Oh irony!

I’m a bad blog friend

Philanthropy Thursday

The mommy thing

Search Me

Maddie, So Loved