It’s dark
My arms and legs are so cold
My middle is warm
My neck hurts
My back hurts
So bad
I can’t get relief
I can’t change position
I lay my face in your hair
My knee never stops bouncing
I am so tired
This moment is painful
But I will hold it close
Because it’s better than the moment
I threw the rejected pacifier in anger
and the moment I wanted to throw you with that same force
and the moment I pictured taking you to the fire department
where the “safe place” sign resides
and walking away to a quiet place where I could sleep
I am so tired
My body is bent over yours
Trying to be a safe place for you to grow again
I still feel pain
From your developing form
This moment is painful
But better than feeling for the bumps in your mouth
the ones that would mean teeth
the ones that would tell of an end to this pain
for you and for me
it’s better than fully waking
to realize I will have to claw my way
through insomnia to sleep
only to wake again
My body hurts
But you breathe deep and even
You are heavy against me
You keep my heart warm
I shelter you here
While I pray for long sleep
Do we not all dream of dropping our little ones off at a “safe location” in the middle of the night. I just wish my son would be comforted by sleeping with me. I wish you sleep. I had three hours of it last night. ((Hugs)).
nina’s last blog post..Patterns
I love the last stanza. My little one doesn’t sleep on me very often anymore, but I sure do love when he does.
dragonfly’s last blog post..friday five
Poor mama. I’ve so been there. I seriously hate teeth! Can’t we just gum everything?
Ewokmama’s last blog post..The Grandparent Dynamic
I have been there. Some nights I am still there. I remember shouting at 3am to just go to effing sleep already. Then we both burst into fresh tears.
It’s not a pleasant place to be.
Sending sleepy thoughts your way.
Veronica’s last blog post..The Forum
Word.
how lovely, this exhaustion
flutter’s last blog post..she was…
Oh, I know those nights. It will pass, it will get better… all you have to do is survive, and you’re doing brilliantly. I had the very same thought of throwing the baby, more than once.
cinnamon gurl’s last blog post..by request
My poor darling. Know that we’re all thinking about you. Mothers everywhere. We love you. That’s why you write so beautifully about motherhood. You have us all inside you.
Ree’s last blog post..Blogger Changes Commenting Again
I’ve been there, too. Thank God things (usually) seem more hopeful in the light of day. But the cold, dark, sleepless nights. I used to start getting depressed as soon as the sun began setting. It’s better now
rimarama’s last blog post..I Come From a Land Down Under
Oh, I am feeling your pain. My son hasn’t let me sleep in…oh…the eleven and half months he’s been out of me. I have been tempted to throw him out and take him to a place like you just to get some sleep. Here is hoping we all get some….
Toni’s last blog post..Haiku Friday
I hope you sleep soon. This was gorgeous and true.
Kyla’s last blog post..Walkerversary
Before I had children I could not imagine how people could shake a baby. But in the middle of many long, long, nights, I certainly understood the urge. Like you, I had my thrown pacifier moments. And like you, I made it through with only me worse for wear for lack of sleep. I hope those teeth come soon!
LSM’s last blog post..Yet Another Breast Update
hang in there. it does get better.
eventually.
janet’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: the official 100th post edition
I held the pacifier and threw the baby.
*slaps head*
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..My Wiggle Bean
It got better and then it got worse, but of course J is a special case. Mine always pick the nights I have to take a benedryl (for allergies) to have a sick night or nightmares or waking just because they can. FUN times.
grace under autism’s last blog post..It was meant to be
What a beautiful post and so true. So. True.
Tiffany’s last blog post..Small people.
What a beautiful post and so true. So. True.
Tiffany’s last blog post..Pediacast
Oh man- this one brings back the memories!!
-HH
Hydes Like Us’s last blog post..Number 91
You filed this under Just Fun??? Are you insane??
Oh wait, right…sorry.
VDog’s last blog post..Sasha’s Concurrent Story, Part One