(I clicked every single link on my reader yesterday – 500+ posts. I commented very, very little, but if you check your sitemeters/statcounters/bloglogs you’ll see I was there, thanks so much for keeping me entertained in the land of the sick.)

Updates:

Template: revamped

Blogroll: to the left, all about it in the first link, should you be there and I missed you?

Reader: being updated, cuz some of you are getting sadly neglected and you are way too awesome to not get read (Margaret Sally and Planet of Janet I’m totally looking your way – just to name two)

Top commenters: to the right – are you there? should you be there?

Lurkers: hi y’all

Health: we’re sort of better, sort of not, at least there is less snot

Your mission, should you choose to accept it: in the comments below, say hello. Just hello. You don’t need to be profound, I just wanna know that you stopped by to see me.

… hi ya’ll.

Alex here.

I’m learning my letters this week.

I learned the letter

R.

And then the letter

S.

And then the letter

V.

I feel like my diaper.

and I gave it to my daddy.

and to my mommy.

So today, in the comments, to make my daddy and my mommy happy, please tell a dirty joke, or link to a dirty joke, or a picture … you know, something that will make them laugh …

lovesya.

546. You have intestinal issues before you go to sleep that will. not. ahem. resolve.
547. You wake in the morning after 764 baby wake ups.
548. Baby is soaking wet so you take him out of diaper to air dry to prevent diaper rash.
549. Your intestinal issues vow to resolve AT!THIS!EXACT!MOMENT!
550. Baby crawls to you. You notice something on his heel…. oh and his leg … oh and …. oh God.
551. Scatastrophe on the carpet in the bedroom. Big one.
552. Clean up as well as you can.
553. 64.5 minutes later, diaper blow out.
554. Carnage: diaper, diaper cover, brand new onesie proclaiming “my mom is a fox”, yoga pants, restoration hardware bathmat, towel, carpet, tile, baby.
555. Put baby in bath – which he hates – wash baby – get baby out, into new diaper, realize you totally missed the back of his leg b/c it was bent in the tub.
556. Carnage = +1 washcloth.
557. Stand in tank top, bareassed and type this to your friends, baby nearly grabs naked pubes.

Would the owner of Comment #17 please stand up … please stand up … You won yerself some scrappin’ paper!

Week Eleven of Lotus?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ weekly winners meme.

Click the link to see more participants!

When I was pregnant, I took photos every 5 weeks to mark the progress. I looked at this photo …

and thought I looked pretty damn good. I also decided if I ever got back to that weight (154) that I’d never complain about it again.

Apparently it’s time for me to quit my bitchin’

Alex agrees …

It’s so hard to come up with an identity for a blog. Should I be “Mary, Laura and Carrie’s Mom”? Should I be “Caroline in the Middle of Nowhere”? Should I be “Charles’ Wife in Charge”? Or perhaps I should go incognito with something like “Shmaroline Shmingalls” … or maybe “Little House on the Prairie”.

For the rest … make your way over to Cookiebitch.

…. we are gonna change the world …

these butchered lyrics are going through my head … Since the Hawtalucion Showin’ off on Saturday challenge was thrown down last weekend, I’ve been hearing mutterings …

… Dawn reports she fell out of her Hawtalucion shirt at work … however she’s also reporting a potential raise … is it sexist of me to make a joke about a possible relationship between those two factors? probably … Lord, I apologize.

… Julie bought new glasses and got GREEN frames … totally visible!

… Kyla was psychic and did the challenge before I even announced it

… I showed you what I went and did … shoes and hair …

So … time for me to show ya what I pulled out my closet:

Let’s start with what I’m prone to snuggle around in… XXL sweatshirt, black yoga pants, and slippers. Oh baby, Oh baby.

(dude, no comments on my hair – there’s a reason I was asking for Whoorl’s help … who else thinks it’s hysterical there is a Great Clips ad on the tv behind me?)

What if I actually made a tiny bit of effort?

Well lookie there! I apparently have some collarbones … who knew? And this? I am *just* as comfed out here as I was above. (Okay fine, the slippers are comfier, but I can’t exactly wear them in the snow or the rain.)

What happens if I lose my mind and don’t wear yoga pants …. Let’s see …

AH! I have a waistline! And red shoes! And the Kaiser has decided to join me in changing clothes!

At this point, I decided since Scout had already raised and eyebrow and asked, “Is this for the blog?” That I should make it worth his while with a boobie shirt:

And that boobie shirt may actually require me to buy one of these…. hmmmm….

Your turn Grab some Hawtalucion bling:

Post what you found in your closet, give us the link in the comments and I’ll pick a winner on … Monday!

Viva La Hawtolucion!

I kiss your l’il hand

kiss, kiss … sniff … ki’ … sniff, sniff, ugh …

hand smells like penis

Go vote! Whoorl has me rockin’ the Hair Thursday!

For Alex

(Spent 84, saved 91, now have shoes in sizes 4, 4.5, 6, 6.5)

but more importantly…

thanks to Cookiebitch and her shoe shopping expertise …

and Project Visibility

• 
  Bling by Dawn at Growing a Pair

Out with the old …

and in with the new!

and 60% off!

(Have you posted your Hawtalucion challenge of the week?)

1. I have never owned a dog. TRUE. I am a cat person. I have been owned by 3 cats in my life. Dogs? The barking hurts my ears.

2. I have spent the night in a funeral home. TRUE. My grandparents owned a funeral home, my dad also owned a funeral home. There were apartments upstairs where we lived. And no, I have never seen an episode of Six Feet Under.

3. I knew Scout 82 days before we got married. FALSE. We were engaged for 82 days, we knew each other for 11 years, 5 months, 3 days.
4. I wanted Alex to be a girl. TRUE. I really, really did. There were tears when I saw the penis and realized there was no Kate in my future.

5. If I could live anywhere, it would be Hannover, Germany. TRUE. I miss the Mutterland.

6. It took one month of trying to get pregnant with Alex. TRUE. Okay, to the picky ones, there were 2 months of half hearted attempts, but only one month of focused trying. To all you who wish to spit on me now, know that we weren’t supposed to get lucky.

7. I prefer Mac over PC. TRUE. Dude. PCs are hard as hell for me to work.

Mad props to badness jones and Kelli @ Gohn Crazy for their excellent correct guesses

I was tagged for Seven Things by Kelly at Mom of 6 Malloy Boys and I finally feel squirrley enough to give it a try, top it with getting tagged for Six Random Things by Cookiebitch I knew it was time to cough up some interesting stuff. But in the spirit of Avery Gray, I will be doing it in the form of 6 truths and a lie, and you can discuss in the comments what the lie is.

1. I have never owned a dog.

2. I have spent the night in a funeral home.

3. I knew Scout 82 days before we got married.

4. I wanted Alex to be a girl.

5. If I could live anywhere, it would be Hannover, Germany.

6. It took one month of trying to get pregnant with Alex.

7. I prefer Mac over PC.

…. aaaand … discuss!