Sometimes I miss my old job. Here’s an example of why:
Picture a science class for “low” freshmen. Lots/all special ed kids. Not your garden variety LD kiddo, but your lower, potential for social security benefits in their future (Before retirement) type.
Picture a substitute, a special ed teacher, a missing DVD player, a missing DVD, and students who don’t do well with “unstructured time”.
Character #1. Let’s call him Crockett. He is a small spunky African American male who exhibits several stereotypical behaviors. For example: this week in class, teacher walked past him and glanced at his paper to make sure he was doing okay. He comments (and I quote) “I wish you people would quit treating me like a mother fucking child”, teacher, without missing a beat says, “well, that’s because you are one” and just kept going. He can actually be a really decent kiddo – like giving me props when he saw me break up a scuffle in the hall, letting me go first at the water fountain etc.
Character #2. Of course we’ll call him Tubbs. He is a lumbering lump of a boy on the autism spectrum. He’s a big ole boy. His parents baby him and think oh my he never uses his size to intimidate others. To which we all go um. sneezecoughbullshitsneezecough. He typically wears an olive green winter jacket and sometimes wears camo pants etc. Keep the color green in mind, it’s important. Tubbs sits in a desk with his back against the wall so he can lean and slump. He’s one of our special special ed kids.
In the midst of all the Sub, no DVD player, no DVD, wrong DVD, Crockett and Tubbs begin sniping at one another regarding who is the most annoying. Pot, meet kettle, u r black. (The “u r” is just to keep you in the high school mood).
Tiny little Crockett has enough and walks over to Giganto Tubbs, pushes him up against the wall, yelling, “YOU SHREK LOOKIN’ MOTHER FUCKER!”
So the next time you need an insult – please feel free to use that one.
That’s pretty damn funny! I do miss those kiddos.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Drop Kicking a Four-Year-Old Bully
Oh, they never made for boring days, did they. I particularly loved when I got the flu, ran to the BR to puke, and found out within two class periods I was pregnant…which was big news to me. Those kids were the biggest gossips. But, it would take LOTS to get me back in a classroom.
I love pithy one liners. Way to go Crockett.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..A Holly Met a Holly A Comin? Through the Rye
LMAO! Rather you than me though, don’t think I could handle that.
Jenty’s last blog post..Old school ruler
I’m so using that.
Ree’s last blog post..Building Your Wings
OMG. That makes a day at home with kids look like a vacation. Funny.
HRH’s last blog post..Short and sweet…
Good line.
magpie’s last blog post..Quote to Live By
Ha ha!!
Ewokmama’s last blog post..What?s your favorite baby stage?
Nice.
LOLs.
Mrs. F’s last blog post..Frog for Dinner
Shrek can’t be THAT ugly…he did get the princess…
VE’s last blog post..Things I learned on my trip to San Diego
Bwaha! You Shrek lookin motherfucker!!
that is fabulous
flutter’s last blog post..? I think I just stopped caring about him getting better?
I once substituted for a teachers assistant in a special ed class at the junior high level. One student in particular was confined to a wheel chair and was severely mentally challenged. He didn’t speak except to grunt. But he was a teenage boy with raging hormones and you had to watch him carefully because he was freakishly fast and strong with his hands. He had grabbed one of the girls in the class and I stepped in to stop him from groping her and he planted both hands in my french braided hair and hung on for dear life. I swear it took me five minutes to get his hands out of my hair. Good thing I have a tough head (thanks Mom for pulling it when I was a little girl!)
I went home with the worst headache at the end of the day.
Sleeping Mommy’s last blog post..Week Two down
Heh. Yeah, it was two weeks ago when my 8 year old confided the fact that a good friend of ours looks like Shrek. She felt very badly about sharing this….but it was true. Yes.
Angela’s last blog post..Uncle, She Cried
Excellent! One of our autistic students routinely hides around the corner and peers out to make sure it is “safe” to cross. When it isn’t he goes and hides in the stairwell. I asked him how he was doing one day while he was hiding and he said “you can go away now.” I did, with a smile.
InTheFastLane’s last blog post..Sure….
Niiiice. I’ll keep that one in my back pocket. LOL.My best friend works in a pretty intense school (gang fights, shootings, lockdown, and such) but the stories she tells me? Priceless.
Kyla’s last blog post..Yesterday…
Hee hee. I am SO going to use that while driving in the car and giving people the finger. That’s hilarious!
Found you via VDog.
Christie’s last blog post..As if we need another reason to boycott Wal-Mart
Tucking saying away for future use.
Out of the mouths of babes…
Maggie’s last blog post..Randomocity
I would like to be friends with Crockett.
Margaret’s last blog post..Hello Out There!!
Classic!
I’m so glad J is only in pre-k right now! I got to visit his classroom yesterday and I was so impressed with his teachers and all the kids.
Kara’s last blog post..The good and bad news
That is fabulous! You’re killing me. So funny. I will be showing this to my oldest kid…he will find it very humorous.
And thank you so much for the mix CD. We have been listening to it all afternoon — my 11 year old daughter has absconded with it to put several songs on her IPod. It has to be a really good song to go on her shuffle, since she only can get 100 or so songs on it. My 15 year old thought “Particle Man” was…um…interesting. Some of the songs on it are my favorites as well. Thanks! It’s really terrific!
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I SO don’t miss the kids from being a teacher. It’s the teachers I miss, though it is a lot like high school cliques in teacher-form. I’ll stick with home.
That is pretty funny. When calling hubby a fucktard gets old (boy, it has been fun doing it for quite a while!!!), I’m gonna pull out the shrek line. Thanks!
Blue Momma’s last blog post..Technically Still A Post
Yes…but does Crockett know that Tubbs has “layers” as Shrek did??
Grandy’s last blog post..I Couldn’t Make This Up…PROMISE!
I’m definitely using that one next time the hubby pisses me off!
Bren’s last blog post..Coughing, Peeing, and Sex…One of These Things Is Not Like The Others
Yeah, just turned to MPS and called him that.
Awesome. So going to use that more often.
And wow, that is the worst on an unstructured no DVD player day? Boo went 30mins without a DVD player once. Man that was a nightmare.
Kelley’s last blog post..I am so a Domestic Goddess?¢‚Ǩ¬¶.
One of my favorite stories ever! However, it was not on a sub day. It was just before the other teach and I got into the room. So tinytim PSA was there. Poor guy. BTW neither student is here anymore. Boo hoo!
hhhheeeehhhheeeehhheeeee
That’s funny…Shrek looking mother fucker..I am going to use that…now I just have to figure out where and how! Hmmm
MP’s last blog post..Bossy is doing St Louis
Ooooo I can up with an idea…We can call people that on ST Patrick’s Day!! Yeah!!
MP’s last blog post..Bossy is doing St Louis
That is hilarious!
Aw, I love Crockett.
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..The Rack In Danger
that’s a totally HILARIOUS insult. i want it for my own!!
janet’s last blog post..She makes me an offer I can’t refuse