I am filled to the brim with boogers.
That, my friends is as fine an introduction to me as you can possibly ask for.
The culmination of this current illness has been a loud, barking cough and a rumbling wheezing in my chest, reminiscent of a Ford Fairlane. Oh and also? I LOOK TOTALLY HOT.
Red nose? check
Peeling skin on the red nose? check
Poofy eyes? check
Bruised ribs from coughing so hard? check
However, dear friends I can deal will all of these minor inconveniences were I able to maintain my dignity while ill. Clearly, this is not the case. To wit:
Sitting at my desk at the evil empire, a little tickle at the back of my throat became a coughing fit of epic proportions. The clouds were parting in reverence to my colossally large and seal-like noises.
me :Bark Bark Baaaaaaaaaaaark Haaaaaaaaack cough wheeeeeeeze
boss: are you OK?!
me: *nodding daintily* HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK
As she leaned forward to smack my back in an effort to help, it happened. Something dislodged from my lungs and leapt forward, and out of my nose. She and I both watched the offending lung oyster careen through the air and hit the fine fine carpeting with an unceremonious splat.
I started to laugh.
She was less amused, but said very little as I leapt forward, tissue in hand, to clean up the offending boogey. As I giggled to myself and fought down the urge to cry, the snot mixed in with all of my conflicting emotions resulted in a large and unmistakable snort.
I suppose it’s a good thing I didn’t also have gas.
******
flutter writes at byflutter.
[...] am blog sitting today, over here. Stop on by, won’t [...]
what? you didn’t look at her with one of those shame on you looks and give the classic, “look what you made me do” line?
Maggie’s last blog post..Day One – Shirking Hippiedom
Well, she was the one who totally made you do it!
Hope you feel better soon.
gross… but I hope that you feel better soon!
Missy’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Sunny Morning
Thanks for the early morning gross out and belly laugh!!! Love that you topped it all off with a snort
tpgoddess’s last blog post..American Idol Top 9
i don’t know if i believe you.
you most always have gas!
awesome, i love that you closed with a fart joke
furiousball’s last blog post..taught in the reflections off of the baby grand
Lung oyster??
Adding it to my list of favorite Flutterisms.
These seem like kind of fun digs. I know a lot of the people in the blogroll. I must need to look around a bit….
maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Ghost.
I don’t think I have laughed that hard while reading a blog- EVER!
Thanks for making me giggle.
Mrs. F’s last blog post..Dear Legs, Please Get Back To Work. kthxbye
Oh, mah holy hell. I just ended up with my very own lung oyster on my monitor. Mine, however, was from laughing.
Ree’s last blog post..I Am the Great and Powerful Ree
hahaha
Not knowing you, I thought that “losing diginity” would equal coughing so hard you peed your pants. Thank God you must have a strong bladder if all that hacking only equaled “lung oysters”!
Kara’s last blog post..Stinky Bread Machine!
Hope you feel better soon. It’s no fun being full of snot!
Carrie’s last blog post..Moobs
“Lung oyster”…where has *that* phrase been all my life?
Victoria’s last blog post..Ask
Oh Flutter. Lung oyster? I love you more each day. LOL!
Kyla’s last blog post..Where I’m not.
LOL!
magpie’s last blog post..Sweetness and Pain at 500
nice shot.
I remeber the days at work in small cubicals being just like that and listening to others… Gas would have been funner cause you could blame it on someone else..
nanci’s last blog post..Teach an old dog or new cat some tricks?
“Lung oyster”?????? I think I just hurt myself.
foop’s last blog post..Her Heart Beats in Me
Oh man.
You MUST enter that in Shamlessly Sassy’s embarrassing stories contest!
A Whole Lot of Nothing / Angie’s last blog post..Went Shopping
Actually, flutter, I’m disappointed that you didn’t also have gas.
I like farts and fart jokes.
Yay for Bottom-Burps (my nephew’s way of denoting them).
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..I like to kill 2 birds with one stone.