Archive for February, 2009

Feb 23

I am now a Debutante

I have a blogger life and a non-blogger life.

I’m discreet with names and locations when I write.

My husband knows about the blog.

My lifelong friends know about the blog, my local mom’s group does not.

My mom knows about the blog, only because she is unable to understand how to open a web browser on my 8 year old iMac, which keeps her from actually reading the blog.

Dad’s y’know, dead, so he might know about the blog now. Depends on how that “all knowing all seeing” thing works out for him.

Some of my family might have heard something in passing about a “writing convention” or even “online writing convention” while we were sitting at dinner a couple weeks after BlogHer. They also heard me change the topic, or push my kid out of his chair to create a diversion. (kidding, kidding – about the pushing, not the topic change.)

The rest of the family doesn’t know. I didn’t talk about it at my high school reunion when people asked what I was up to ….

I reviewed a sex toy in this post. I went to Nashvegasville for BlissDom. I was in the process of launching an awesometastic blog with Flinger and VDog that was intended to be even more open and honest.

I was on Facecrack one day and caught this in my news feed

fellow high school classmate #1 to fellow high school classmate #2

“Let’s blog on blogspot until we can get someone to design our wordpress site. I’ll buy the domain. Blogspot is easy to export. Ohhhhhhh! the excitement.”

To which I went. Huh. I looked “closelier” and saw this status update from a few days earlier

“Surfing the internet in Nashville. Having some coffee.”

My breathing hitched just the *tiniest* bit.

I saw she had a website, I clicked over. There was a Twitter update from the week before

“Going to Nashville to learn how to become a social media maven.”

I died a little inside. This really could not be a coincidence.

I had a binary choice – look away and pretend I’d never noticed. Or, y’know send her email.

“Want some help? I’m a closet blogger – but I know lots of stuff :)
Um. What writing conference were you at in NashVegasVille last weekend?”

Six minutes later, a reply

“I went to Blissdom…”

Like a Debutante without the white dress, or the dad, or the money, I came out to her. Off we went. Squees and self kicked butts for not finding each other AT the conference. I outed myself and I’ve been over the damn moon about it ever since. It’s that kind of fear that was good for me.

Why? It’s not only her. She blogs with TWO other people who ALSO went to high school with us.

In the minute where I had the choice between hiding or busting out, I went for busting out.

So now, to celebrate my coming out party, please go read Wicked Good and comment. They are so hilariously out there, welcome them into this crazy ass online tribe, but oh mah holy hell, we will ALL be better for it.

xoxoxoxo,

Dawn

(edited – if you have a funny story that you just can’t tell on your own blog – we always have room for a good laugh over at Room 704)

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Feb 22

How much should I charge for blog advertising?

Well, I went out and found the an answer and I’m going give you some info and a formula.

Bear with me.

My information comes from a public source for an invitation only media network. Anyone can find this information if one knows where to look – I stumbled onto it and went *facepalm* that was easy. (So easy it took me 23 months to find it. *headdeskbangouch*.)

The data compiled (well now I’m just showing off I know how to write a sentence that doesn’t use the word fuck. Oh shit. Now I’ve blown it. Fuck it.) is from ten parenting blogs. Interesting to me is that I haven’t even *heard* of three of these blogs and they get 40,000 hits (or more) a month. I tell you that NOT to be all, ‘well who do they think THEY are’? No, I tell you that because that’s proof positive that there is a whole lot of room out in blog land for any of us who would like to make a go of it

The ten blogs have page views from 30,000/month to 4,970,000 page views/per month. With an average of 632,000 page views/month.

I crunched a lot of numbers which I’m not going to bore you with, I will get to the point of what you want to know – How much should* I charge for ad space on my blog? (* should I = ‘could I’ = ‘can I’)

125×125 graphic ad

number of page views per week times .003 = an idea of how much to charge for 125×125 graphic ad space on your blog per week

125×125 text ad

number of page views per week times .0024 = an idea of how much to charge for 125×125 text ad space on your blog per week

Now notice those little fractions of pennies – now I understand why people use the “CPM” (CPM more or less means cost per 1000 page views)

for a 125×125 graphic the CPM was an average of 4.76/1000 page views. This is just another way to get a feel for where to begin.

If you are dying for more geeky detailed info, email me and ask. I just didn’t want to bore.

(all data accurate as of February 22, 2009)

Now – I don’t normally do the “hey if you like this, will you stumble this/tweet this/link to this” thing – but after being at BlogHer and BlissDom and in this for 23 months and now having 3 friends where I was 20-22.5 months ago going OMGWTF where do I begin? Help the community out – tell people to come check this out – it’s at least a jumping off point. And I will be adding more information as I sit and compile it so this particular post will get better over time. I Promise.

And then I’ll be able to talk about how much peeps can make on this gig. Yeah, you know you wanna know. :)

(Want to watch the next best kept secret rise to the stratosphere? Click over the see the best blog for women.)

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Feb 18

When I remember to smile.

Usually when I put Alex to bed, I sit in a chair by his bed and knit, or think about knitting, or cleaning or working out, or blogging, or chatting, or anything but the task of helping this boy get to sleep.

Last night I was tired. Alex was squirrelly and my patience was thin. I leaned over to kiss him goodnight and he came up for one . . . two . . . three kisses, and then reached his little arms up to give me a hug. I got the afghan my mom knitted for me when I graduated college, and I climbed in bed by him.

At first we both assumed the same posture – on our tummies, both arms stuck under our pillows, head on pillow. Then the tired squirrellys attacked again and Alex started kicking his feet and doing things that I knew were just to keep him awake (like mother like son). I reached out and started rubbing his back – hard – deep. He stilled. He rested.

He started wiggling again and soon his face was on my pillow, pushing up to mine. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He smiled and patted my face. I smiled back. I great big, I don’t care that you are being cute to keep from going asleep smile. We cuddled our face for long minutes. I told him, “I don’t smile enough at you do I? I’ll try to do better.”

He put his head by mine, he slid his hands under my pillow, under my hands.

He slowly pushed me off the pillow, leaving me to sleep on a stuffed Eeyore.

And after sleeping by him all night long – today? I have smiled at him more. Now I am off to smile at him EVEN more. Even though he is avoiding his nap. (Like mother like son.)

(Want to watch the next best kept secret rise to the stratosphere? Click over the see the best new blog for women.)

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Feb 13

Where I make fun of an 80s song

Yes, this is republished, but it’s totally on my greatest hits for comments and searches and completely worth another read.

On Valentine’s Day, this song played on the radio, then the DJ came on and called it a “love song for Valentines.”

Um. Really? Let’s break it down:

“All I Want To Do Is Make Love To You” by Heart

It was a rainy night
When he came into sight,
Standing by the road,
No umbrella, no coat.

(He doesn’t even have the sense to come in out of the rain. Always a good sign.)

So I pulled up alongside
And I offered him a ride.

(What are the chances the guy who didn’t have the sense to come in out of the rain was attractive, as opposed to this?)

He accepted with a smile,
So we drove for a while.
I didn’t ask him his name,
This lonely boy in the rain.
Fate, tell me its right,
Is this love at first sight?
Please don’t make it wrong,
Just stay for the night.

(Aw, a one night stand with someone you picked up on the side of the road, who doesn’t have the sense to come in out of the rain and who’s name you don’t know.)

(This is where I need to tell you that the phrase “make love” is as irritating to me as “moist” and “panties” are to some of you. For the remainder of the lyrics, I will replace that phrase with what is really going on here.)

All I wanna do is take sperm from you
Say you will
You want me too
All I wanna do is take sperm from you
I’ve got lovin arms to hold on to

So we found this hotel,
It was a place I knew well

(She does this often? She knows the hourly rate? Do you think they have package deals?)

We made magic that night.
Oh, he did everything right
He brought the woman out of me,
So many times, easily

(Please. I can’t even bring the “woman out of ME” one time easily. Now I know for sure this song is full of it.)

And in the morning when he woke all
I left him was a note

(So this guy is going “SCORE” I don’t have to be all… so, you wanna get some breakfast? Although he was probably bummin’ that he lost his ride. I wonder if it’s still raining.)

I told him
I am the flower you are the seed
We walked in the garden
We planted a tree

(And only a guy too dumb to come in out of the rain would be too dense to pick up on this reference.)

Don’t try to find me,
Please don’t you dare
Just live in my memory,
You’ll always be there

(Sweet, no child support!)

All I wanna do is take sperm from you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is take sperm from you
I’ve got lovin arms to hold on to

Oh, oooh, we made love, Love like strangers

(You mean awkward and bumpy?)

All night long
I got sperm

Then it happened one day,
We came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise
When he saw his own eyes

(Classy. Why didn’t she slap some sunglasses on the kid?)

I said please, please understand
I’m in love with another man

(But before she asked “is this love at first sight?”)

And what he couldn’t give me
Was the one little thing that you can

(This kid’s eyes are so distinctive that this random dude immediately knows he’s the sperm donor without needing a DNA test but the “other man” hasn’t figure it out … is she married to Stevie Wonder?)

All I wanna do is take sperm from you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is take sperm from you
Say you will, you want me too

All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long

(This song puts the VD in Valentine’s Day.)

(Want to watch the next best kept secret rise to the stratosphere? Click over the see the funniest new blog for women.)

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Feb 10

love in an #elevator

So um. There was a conference this weekend. You might have heard. You might have also heard about an issue with an #elevator
I got real close to some peeps. You should go read their posts and then come back here and read this. No, for reals, I’m totally riding on their coattails.

Jennifer, PlayGroups Are No Place for Children
Victoria, Vdog + Little Man
Heather – The Spohrs Are Multiplying Heathers Post
Heather – The Queen of Shake Shake Heathers Post
Emily – DesignHer Momma Emilys Post
Amy – Amy in Ohio
Hebba – JeepGirl17 Hebbas post
Shannan – Mommy Bits Shannans post
Ali (our prego!)- Blessed Treehouse
Sandy – Organize with Sandy Sandys Post WITH VIDEO!!
Jenny – Mommin’ It Up Jenny’s Post (GO READ THIS!)
Dawn – Kaiser Alex
Cortney – Once A Month Mom

Okay. So you know what’s up now. Everyone has a unique reaction to something stressful like being stuck in an elevator (WHO sings that song? It’s stuck in my head like I was stuck in that elevator.) Panic, Loud panic, Twittering like mad, Calling someone to ask them to pray for them, raising her hand and announcing to the elevator that she’d be telling them what to do in a voice reserved for her days as a special ed high school teacher in a building of 2500 because if she couldn’t control that #elevator she would, by gawd, control the people around her. *ahem* {shame}
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I heard a voice on her phone, voice was shaking, but in control. Next phone call, as she carefully moved toward the floor I heard the words, “Just pray for me.”**

I headed to the floor with her. Which allowed me to focus on helping someone else through this rather than focusing on wondering if we could just start climbing out of the damn elevator through the top. (I totally had all kinds of Oceans 11/12/13 flashes through this.) We looked a pictures on her camera – which I admit that over dinner “someone” had shoved her camera in my dress and tried to take photos of mah bewbs. Which didn’t come out for some reason. I “Someone” may have had too much drink. Just sayin’.

At long last we were released from our hotter than fucking hell box of sweat, I hugged on my girl and then Victoria and I got on the other elevator and rode up to Room 704. Cuz we’re crackers that way.

** I’m gonna cheese for a moment. But I’m sincere. It’s sat with me since I heard these words come from her mouth. No matter what a person believes or doesn’t believe, we can be the answer to someone’s prayer. Which I’d never thought of till that moment. So when I see me with a halo over my head, I get a little teary. I will now go back to passing out vibrators and making drinks – cuz as I told Mrs. Fussypants – “God created orgasms, batteries made them possible”

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Feb 08

And the winner is . . .

Comment #26!

Lee your readers will love hearing about you ‘n’ the love ring from Eden Fantasys!

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