You remember that whole Happening adage – “Let go and let God”? Well seriously, I think someone made that up in a desperate hour when they couldn’t take it anymore. Someone paraphrased Scarlett O’Hara’s “I’ll think about that tomorrow”, crossed it with Engel’s “Sometimes ya just gotta say what the fuck” and decided to make it non crass, and something that could be said in front of grandmothers.

Cuz seriously, some adaptation of that theme is the only way I’m going to get through the coming weeks. It would be nearly impossible to have more unknowns in my world right now – When is Baby Schu arriving? How will labor go? How will we react to the reality of parenthood? Where will we be living in four weeks? (Had two house showings tonight) Will I kill my father’s girlfriend when he decides it’s a good idea to put us in the same room together? How many in-laws will it take in the same room to make it (me) explode? Will I get to finish out my teaching contract? And as always, Will my wahoo be intact when this is all over?

This thought occurs to me:

Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God, I’m having a baby. Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God, WHAT am I going to do? Oh panic, oh panic, I can’t breathe, everything is going to change, Oh my God, Oh my God, panic, panic, life is going to be completely different, Oh my God, Oh my God, I can’t breathe, I can’t think, WHAT am I going to do?

And when I get really wound up, I use Sara’s discovered word of “fuckershit”, which in these times of complete panic seems to sum up my feelings just perfectly.

Oh fuckershit, we’re going to be parents.

Okay, well clearly not minus 14 anymore. We were betting at school that you’d either come today and quickly since we have carpet cleaner, realtor and house painters – but since the carpet cleaner has been here and gone, it’s raining so the house painters aren’t coming, and the realtor is due in 50 minutes – I’m thinking you are going to shoot for the 21st like I’ve said all along. Unless it actually snows on April 3rd and you decide to show up on Grandpa’s death day and just really creep mommy out. Beth thinks you are coming on April 10th. Everyone else thinks you are coming early – I know better, I know your parents.

What I learned about inertia during 1st trimester:

An object in motion stays in motion, an object at rest stays at zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

What I learned about inertia during 3rd trimester:

An object in motion stays in careful waddling motion, an object at rest stays at at rest …. until it has to pee.

Favorite moment of the week.

In the office at work, we have a men’s one holer bathroom, and a women’s one holer bathroom. About a month or so ago, I was waiting for the women’s to open up, tempting myself with the idea of just using the men’s. When the women’s room opened up – out came a male teacher.

So I took this as a sign that either bathroom was perfectly fine to use. So I use the men’s room when needed, and as a sign of my gratitude, I leave it how I found it – with the toilet seat in the upright position.

Yesterday both bathrooms were occupied. The door to the men’s room opened up first – out walks my female boss, who also had left the seat in the upright position – so we had a chuckle over our like mindedness.

Today someone was in the women’s so I went straight for the men’s. When I came out, there stood my boss – she said “I knew it was you, I heard the door tried for the women’s and then immediately open for the men’s and I knew who it was : )”

So I’m planning ahead. I have a pregnancy book that I really like – “The Pregnancy Countdown Book” by Susan Magee that has something for each of the 280 (+/-14) days of pregnancy. I decided that clearly the best idea for me is to mirror this idea and write about the first 365 of Alex. I also decided that the chances of me doing this if no one was watching was pretty slim, so if I did it in a way that people could read it, laugh at it, make fun of me and keep me going, that I might just stick with it for all 365 days.

(to the rels: check out over here