Kaiser Mommy - Part 3

Jun 11

Dawn vs the Hotel Breakfast Buffet

I am getting mentally prepared for an improvement in food and movement. (aka “diet and exercise”)

I have the hot pink workout shorts. I have the “moisture wicking” (aka “dear God I hope this sucks the sweat off my chubby form and makes me less miserable” fabric).

I think this outfit is going to be like Casey’s Mormon Underwear. Rather than reminding me of a commitment to God, this one is a reminder of a commitment to myself. To taking Alex to play at a swimming pool without having thoughts of being fat Mommy. To getting my rings off my hands.

check out the dents in my fingers. those rings haven't come off in over 6 months. maybe a year.

Apparently they are helping a bit. Alex and I faced the HOE-tell (as Alex says it) buffet this morning and walked away with Activia (anyone know what that shit does to a toddlers … uh … shit? am I going to need a hazmat suit?), coffee, milk and bananas. The (yummy) waffles and (sugar sweet oh so sweet) pastries, stayed behind.

Here I am at ground zero of getting healthier.

June 11, 2010 – rockin’ XL shirt and shorts and hovering in the buck-ninety range.

Goal – lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks. (August 21st or so).

How – Toss Alex into the gym daycare for 30-60 min a day, while I make out with the elliptical. Use the free weights at home. Use the Wii Fit.

On that Wii Fit note – I have the Jillian Michaels 2009 workout – it’s okay but I don’t love it much – anyone have something they’d like to trade? I could send you that one and you could send me something else? Or just recommend something else for me to try – library might have it and I get it that way rather than having to spend money on it.

Okay. Here I go!

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Posted in Kaiser Mommy, Weight

Jun 03

Prayer can always have a place. Or not.

So. Maria’s daughter Bella got to stand in the hall while her class said the “God is great” prayer before lunch yesterday.

That’s the short version. I’d really recommend going to read Maria’s full version about prayer in a North Carolina elementary school.*

I grew up in a small community, probably much like where Bella goes to school. Everyone I knew went to church. Something of the Christian variety. Our town had no synagogue. Certainly not a Mosque. I remember going to a football game in Branson, Missouri and they prayed for the two teams before the game. Over the public address system. Even at the age of 14 I was like, “Uh. That’s probably not cool with the legal types.” Of course, that was the predominant culture of Southern Missouri, so no one really batted an eyelash over it.

That same year, I attended a lockin sponsored by the Community Ministerial Alliance. Suddenly this Methodist/Disciples/Presbyterian girl was in the midst of Baptists who were talking about hell and Assembly of God people who were waving their hands and testifying during songs. Which pretty much freaked my shit out.

Here we were, all theoretically talking to and about the same God and I was super uncomfortable with how the leaders were going about it.

I still think of that weekend and get a knot in my stomach. I was so uncomfortable. Here I was among friends, in a safe place and I completely freaked out. Of course I could have insisted I was going home – but I kept thinking – this shouldn’t bother me so much, surely it will get better. I also was fascinated, much like a rubber necker watching a crash site.

My mom randomly brought up that retreat just after I wrote this piece – She said she will never forget the sound of my voice, almost in tears saying, “Come. Get. Me.” So I did bail out when I was uncomfortable. I’m proud of myself for that but I wish I remembered that part of the story.

That’s the thing about religion – it’s so intensely personal that one can’t blanket a practice on a large group of people and not get a variety of reactions.

I think it is my responsibility to teach Alex what is important to me when it comes to religion. Which is different from what Scout will teach him about what is important to him when it comes to religion.

Even if it weren’t just completely not legal to lead group prayer in public schools – I wouldn’t want them to do it anyway. Why?

Let’s pick a hot topic. Let’s pick abortion. Just for the dramatic point. Let’s say that you believe that “A”* is absolutely right when it comes to the matter. Your child is in a classroom where in their daily prayer, the leader prays that “B”* will come to pass. I don’t know about you, but I’d be pretty pissed about my Alex sitting in a situation that forced his participation like that.

(*I use “A” and “B” in place of words like “for” or “against” or “choice” or “anti” because I don’t want that example colored by any opinions I may have.)

What if our children were expected to listen to and participate in the prayers of people who agree with and celebrate the 9/11 attacks?

I would never want the children of people dear to me to be sent away so that Alex could say a Christian prayer while their children would rather say a Jewish, Buddhist, Hindi, Muslim or no freaking prayer at all.

I think there was an absence of malice on the part of the teachers. I think they were just “doing things they way they’ve always been done.” That doesn’t make it right, but it at least makes me want to educate some of these people about the laws in a conversation and not a court room.

I know there will be those who take up the flag of objecting to people “banning God from schools”. Those people might even bring up words such as “Columbine”. I’ve heard it before.

To those people, I say this: If you believe that God is with you always, and your children believe that as well, then believe that God is with your children whether or not they say a prayer before lunch while they are at school. The silent prayer between a child and God is sweeter than any noisy gong.

And y’know it’s *legal* too.

*I cited the incorrect county so I pulled that from the link.

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Posted in I hope God is okay with the word "fuck"

May 25

So many food issues so little time

My clean house friend without any hobbies made us salad a couple weeks ago that I actually liked.

I typically am not a fan of salad because

Boring
Food touching
Hungry by the time I finish eating
They don’t make chocolate salads
Really good salads are missing bread – and that’s why I like sandwiches better.

She violated item 2 something fierce – This salad had green stuff, strawberries, cranberries, feta, nuts and some vinaigrette. I was mourning the loss of perfectly good strawberries, but tried it anyway and actually liked it.

We paid for a CSA this year – The whole ‘eat local’ thing, along with – if I’m handed a food I wouldn’t normally eat, I’ll figure out a way to hide it so we don’t waste it.

I present to you the CSA Week One Salad

A bunch of green stuff (I don’t know what – 4 kinds of weeds I picked through and stuck in the colander to clean)

Radishes (chopped small so they are hidden), strawberries, cranberries, green onion, almonds, rest of some vinaigrette. Green stuff in a bowl, red stuff on top.

I’m not in love with this concoction, but I figure when the compost scraps looks like this, I must bein doing something good for me.

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Posted in Getting my act together

May 24

Too Much

I figured out the root of my problems years ago.

I have too much stuff.

Too much stuff means I can’t keep up with cleaning, with organizing, with life.

A friend with a forever cleaned up house observed – “You have too many hobbies and I don’t have any.” Which clearly is why she has a clean house and I so don’t.

I have too much weight – which means I have clothes ranging from 8s to 16s and those take up space. I’m taking up too much space for my own comfort. Last year I realized I didn’t want to take Alex swimming because I would be fat mommy. Which. Sigh. Seriously? I don’t wanna be THAT person. So I’ve put on the swimsuit and the lipstick and the earrings – because that totally distracts from the body yeah?

So I’m gonna work on this – because I want to ditch the too much stuff I don’t so much care about and fill it up with too much FUN! too much JOY! too many cuss words! too many exclamation points!!!!!

5
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Posted in Kaiser Mommy

May 24

There wasn’t enough space over there for my tagline

I wanted my tagline to say something along the lines of “The hardest one to raise is myself.”

It bothered me though – partially because it centered funny in the template – a lot because that only told part of the story.

You see, I’m bugged. I’m bugged by this face

This is my grandma – eighteen years old – 1933. Valedictorian of the class of 1933 in her small-town midwest farming community.

The Depression was felt there, I’m sure, but they had their homes, church, school, and the farm.

A glance at a 1930 census shows farmer after farmer. When things really went tits up [I realize talking about LaVerne and "tits up" is just wrong - I can't help myself.] family moved back to the farm because the farm was self sufficient. It had FOOD.

I’m bugged by that girl. She knew how to garden, preserve, cook, provide, clean house, hang laundry out on the line . . . I could go on but just thinking of going and reading her journals of what she did in a day makes me want to take a nap.

I know I have more fun than she did. I’m certain I worry less. I also know she only had a script for the occasional Valium rather than a daily Zoly.

I want to find a balance between LaVerne and Dawn. I want some freaking self-sufficiency in my world, and I’m learning that it’s going to take some discipline to be free. Which sounds like a contradiction – but I’m the girl who can’t find her license or debit card – I have to find some drum beat to march to.

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Posted in Focus, Getting my act together

Apr 17

Finding Focus

I took a shower yesterday and I focused on the fact that I was alone in my house – no Alex looking in and talking to me while spraying water on the floor. It was nice.

I woke this morning and I focused on a bra and clothes and brushing my teeth. [oh what, like YOU don't normally roll downstairs in a huge sweatshirt and yoga pants and pretend you are sexy?]

Husband wanted pancakes so we went to the International House of Carbohydrates. I would have LOVED to eat a big ole bacon omelette and some biscuits and gravy and pancakes with a bunch of syrup.

Instead I at least tried to eat better – Spinach and Mushroom Omelette – Let’s disregard the Hollandaise shall we? And the Cholesterol. Cuz Dear Diety Holy Shit. But hey look protein!

I got the Harvest Grain and Nut Pancakes thinking they were “better” for me – but oh FAIL. Except that I would have drowned the yummy buttermilk ‘cakes in syrup – so I guess in the end I came out okay.

Here’s the thing. I did the ONE thing I used to ALWAYS do when in a restaurant. I cut my servings in half. Before I even started eating, I cut that omelette and those pancakes down the middle. Bringing my calorie and fat count back down to something more reasonable.

Could I have made EVEN better choices? Well yeah, but screw that – I’m proud of the focus on the improvements of today.

And hey, At least I didn’t go for the Country-fried Steak And Eggs.

For your Saturday entertainment – Jim Gaffigan talking about cake.

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Posted in Focus

Apr 02

I hope God is used to the word eff you see kay.

“. . .I’m always amazed when people say, “I’m a Christian.” I think, “Already?” It’s an ongoing process . . .” Maya Angelou (online source)

I read that quote some 12 years ago in the early morning light after a night of heartbroken not sleeping. That has stuck with me, giving me permission to have my own thoughts about God.

I grew up in the Methodist church and was proud of myself early on for being able to say the Traditional Apostles Creed without needing to flip to the back of the hymnal to read it.

Long ago, I was talking to my mom about paying attention in church – she said she tried to at least pay enough attention to read slightly ahead to make sure she actually believed the words she was reading out loud.

Huh. Interesting, actually paying attention instead of just droning along. Okay, I’d work on that.

I still work on that. Often I get into the creed as far as . . .

“‘I believe in God the . . . ‘ . . . yeah okay, I dunno.”

I’m okay with people who believe. I’m okay with people who do not believe. I’m okay with people who question. I believe we all have a path in this life and lessons to learn – and God plays out differently for each of us. Exactly as I think it should be.

Leslie, Victoria, Loter and I spend time talking God and such – and if you lined us up from least churchy to most churchy – I would be your most churchy among the four.

In November, Loter and Leslie and I were talking about Anissa – who was still in her coma at that point. I had told the Butterfly Lover’s Grandaughter (who is a nurse) about Anissa, and asked her to tell me straight up what to expect.

She said, “I will say that the one thing I’ve realized in the past 11 years in the medical field – especially critical care areas – is that there is a much higher power at work than us. Sometimes miracles happen. They really do, with not much scientific explanation as to why. With that said, it sounds like that is pretty much what your friend is in need of at this time.”

This led us into the topic of prayer and how Leslie had the #prayersforanissa hashtag up on her screen and watched it all the time of the people praying for Anissa.

[ed: forgive the bit of choppiness here - I'm taking some of this straight from Skype so I quote the girls exactly.]

Loter: “My faith has been uber weak for some time now, but I still pray. It’s weird.”

Leslie: “I mean, even *I* pray . . . it’s comforting . . .plus? . . .I totally think it aligns your mind. I dunno. IT works . . . even if there’s a dial tone at the other end, I don’t care.”

Dawn: “Yep … meditation … focus….”

Leslie: “ezzactly! Taking your mind away from the things that are in it daily.”

Dawn: i actually have issues with praying that i’m trying ot work out

[Let's note that of the 3 of us - the most churchy of us has the issues with praying. Let's all laugh together and then get back into it.]

Dawn: “so I prayed desperately on the ride to the hospital that i would make it in time before dad died . . . didn’t happen . . . and that was the most desperate NEEDful prayer I have ever prayed.”

” people pray for jobs they dont get, for kids who die, and i dont see the point right now . . .like – if you are going to do what you want to do anyway, then why am i giving you my opinion on the matter?

So we talked about this for a while – Thoughts were thunk and shared.

Then Lotus said: Well, my old thought was that it was a way to build your relationship with Him, too. To stay connected. Prayer is an ongoing conversation. I know that Braden wants certain things, but I always want him to speak his desires to me, share them. Even if I can’t grant them. I want him to open his heart to me endlessly.

Lotus had no idea that those words were going to help me so much. I’d forgotten about a RELATIONSHIP.

I know that Braden wants certain things, but I always want him to speak his desires to me, share them. Even if I can’t grant them. I want him to open his heart to me endlessly.

These words bring me peace.

I talk to my friends all the time. Email, Skype, Twitter, blog comments, phones, occasionally even *gasp* IN PERSON! We talk about random shit all the live long day – we have incredibly strong relationships in spite of not being able to tangibly be together often. So why not talk to God the same way?

I would be absolutely THRILLED to see in my Skype contacts:

Father who art in heaven hallowed be mah DAYUM name

But until that happens, I will be Franny Glass and work on praying without ceasing . . . opening my heart endlessly . . . With my community, I will keep working this out for myself.

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Posted in I hope God is okay with the word "fuck"

Mar 23

Finally Getting the Point

This blogging thing makes me a better grown up. I learn lessons without someone having to sit down and school me in how I’m wrong – I learn via watching and the light bulb A-HA moment.

I had a light bulb moment about friendship and favors about a year ago.

Back when I started blogging (way back in ought seven) I met Mrs Flinger. She was all cool and together (snort) and awesome. She had a great looking site, lots of experience, and a shiny new job with a web design company.

I thought, “Ooooo, she’s my buddy, I bet she’d cut me a deal on a great looking site for ME!!!!”

I never did ask her about it – probably saw something bright and shin….oooo butterfly ….

ahem.

Then we were talking about life, and money (the lack of), the money troubles in the Flinger house condo, the pressure of deadlines and people asking for work for free – when she needed paying jobs to keep the family in the black less in the red.

Ugh. A rock sat in my stomach. The light bulb turned on – and the lamp smacked me upside the head. I’d totally missed the point of friendship in looking out for a deal for myself.

I wish I would have always thought, “Ooooo, she’s my buddy, I’d love to support her and pay her to build a great looking site for ME!!!!”

I learned. I got the point. I’m learning to apply that point in my life. I’m learning to support my friends rather than looking for a handout from my friends.

The hardest person to raise is myself. *shakes head*

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Posted in Kaiser Mommy

Mar 22

Better than stroking out over healthcare reform

(I have a lot of deep thoughts while I’m not sleeping. Big, important, deep thoughts. I don’t know how to share them all yet, but I’m going to try to pare things down to small bits that I can manage.)

1. Walking. Almost 40 million hits on the goog about Benefits of Walking.

2. Laughing. Just reading the facebook status updates of people makes me all tense and clutchy and stroke feeling. Laughter sets that feeling free and replaces it with a lighter feeling.

3. A clean kitchen. This is my goal for today. A clean kitchen. I will use my kitchen sink as a home base to start and just keep going.

4. Sharing what I have. I gave my birthday money to Anissa. Told her not to spend it all on hookers and blow.

5. Brushing my teeth. Cuz for serious. Wow. Needs to be done – I’m off to do it right now.

xoxoxo

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Posted in Kaiser Mommy

Mar 17

Main Street Shopping Lives In My Computer

When Scout got home from work yesterday, I congratulated him on making us so boring financially that ABC World News didn’t want to put me on the National News.

To say he was confused would understate his reaction.

Heather had called me to see if I would be up for an interview about being middle class – after talking to the lovely woman from ABC World News with Diane Sawyer, lovely woman said we weren’t what she was looking for for the story – before getting off the phone, I gave a shout out on Skype “hey, any of y’all middle class and squeezed?” and Angie was all “UM YEAH!” – so I passed her number to the woman and Angie was on the national news talking about financial struggles in the middle class.

Angie has a small online store – Good for the Kids – which specializes in finding educational items and toys that are … good for the kids. I’ve posted about doing all my Christmas shopping in one place before. I still have a pretty well stocked present closet from my shopping trips there. I feel good about what I buy from Angie, and I feel even better that I’ve helped a person I have a relationship with, and not just a big box store. From the comments on the post, others are feeling that too.

(*yes I know that people work in big box stores too, but those people didn’t hold my hand while I wrote a post the night my dad died – Angie did* (pwd protected, just ask for the pwd – you aren’t the reason it’s protected.))

While Scout and I may be comfy, unsqueezed middle class, I do like to pay attention to where our money goes. I don’t buy things for the sake of buying things. (I really liked the Team Anissa tshirts – but I realized don’t wear crew neck tshirts, for example.)

There are less dollars to go around – so I figure I better make damn sure that where I’m giving my dollars is what and who I want to support. Slowly but surely I am figuring out how I can get the things I like (oh that I really, really like) and know that my dollars are directly helping people I have a relationship with.

I may not have a local main street in my town where I can walk and browse and talk to shopkeepers who are my friends, but I have bookmarks all through my browser of a virtual main street where I can wander and get things I like from people I love. (And even help out the USPS a lot of the time!)

Oh yes, that list with a fancy button are coming!

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Posted in Kaiser Mommy

Feb 27

Rules to being a successful mommy blogger – according to @kaisermommy

- Realize some women are BITCHEZ. They just are. Their moms and sisters are probably BITCHEZ too. Also? Their friends. Like speaks to like and BITCHEZ hang tight. Think of these BITCHEZ like a rank, wet fart. Unavoidable and best to avoid being in their path.

- Grooming counts dude. If I look at my 5 fave mommy bloggers – not a one of them presents as an uggo. I’m not talking imitating plastic surgery Barbie and spending hours in front of a mirror. Soap and water go a long way. Especially when choosing profile pictures. Sloth is one of the 7 deadlies peeps.

- Have some dayum FUN! Srsly people. Chances are, this is not the job that is providing the finances for your food and shelter. So CHILLAX with the awards, memes, retweets, commenting, replying to comments and for the love of Pete – “mark all as read” is your FRIEND.

- Ask questions. Want to know how to get some nifty widget in your sidebar? Make a button? Change a template? Figure advertising? Get threaded comments? ASK. Even the fucking BITCHEZ tend to answer questions when asked. People like to feel like experts. I’m horrid at reading blogs, replying to comments and all that – but when someone emails me and asks a question – I *tend* to sit down right then and answer it. (Not that I’m hot shit. Trust me.)

Run the other way from DRAMA! I’ll give someone a pass the first time they lose their shit on Twitter. Twice – ehhhh – anything after that and we’re back to the rank fart theory.

No mall hair. Now really this is a rule for life and not just mommy blogging. This was okay on a hot teenager in the 80s ….

(click photo for source)

. . .but NO MORE MALL BANGS. It’s been 20 years – no more curling bangs backward onto your head.

No one puts Baby in a corner. You have all this pain and all these feelings, and nobody’s really paying attention. Every single person . . . is ignoring your pain because they’re too busy with their own. The beautiful ones, the popular ones, the guys that pick on you. Everyone. Okay. That’s totally a quote from Buffy the Vampire Slayer where Buffy is talking to Jonathan in the clock tower. Still works though. Get yourself out of the corner. Goes back to having fun.

To sum up. Have fun in spite of the BITCHEZ in the DRAMA, remember to Shower your non 80s hair, while asking questions, and hiding in the corner is NOT FUN.

HAVE FUN!

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Posted in Kaiser Mommy

Feb 24

Vibrator #fail

(conversation between friends joined already in progress)

Miss Piggy: back to my other question – did you try the ‘better than chocolate‘ vibrator for women?

Janice: I did . . . not strong enough . . . but overall works

Miss Piggy: HATE IT

Janice: HAHAHHAA

Janice: like the ergonomics of it

Miss Piggy: yeah, the ergonomics are nice, that’s why I wanted to try it. thought it would fit nicely between Kermit and I. Y’know what I’m sayin’.

Miss Piggy: but any vibrator that i have to pull out the fucking manual on

Janice: BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Janice: i think BETTER than chocolate is an overstatement

Miss Piggy: better than a poke in the eye with a sharp fuckin stick

Miss Piggy: I even turned that bitch around to try to stimulate more *ahem* areas

Miss Piggy: I tried with with THREE sets of batteries #FAIL

At this point, Miss Piggy dissolves into tears and starts throwing things.

The End.

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Posted in Kaiser Mommy

Feb 19

Ahh the Twitter Enema

I like to have my twitter followers/following balanced. If it is supposed to be a conversation, then for me, I need/want to be both talking and listening to the “friends”.

To figure out who I can “unfollow” (y’know peeps I followed and they never followed me back, and now I don’t know why I followed them in the first place) I like Friend or Follow. Easy to see who I’m following who isn’t following me back. A bit of a pain to click through, unfollow, click back, but hey, nothing I can’t manage with a glass of wine before bed. Nice, repetivie and boring – it’s like counting sheep for the tech era.

I used to have Twitter email me for everything – but that just cluttered up my email, so I quit doing that. Sometimes people get missed – so to make sure I’m following who I want to be following I use Twitter Karma. I like it because It’s easy to tell who is following me that I’m not following back. -

Some people like to use Qwitter or the like to know when someone unfollows them – me? not so much – I don’t like signing myself for rejection – I can totally find better things to fill my world with!

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Posted in Kaiser Mommy