Oh yeah baby!
Mitch McDad sparked the memory – I have to give in and tell the stories.
It was the first Christmas Eve that Scout and I spent together. We sat round the table eating dinner, and I had just sunk my teeth into a cookie when his mother said:
“We were halfway through Iowa when we realized we left the vibrator at home!”
Now, I like a sitcom actress sat with my teeth settled in that cookie, fearing to move at all.
Turns out what she meant was that they had some sort of back rub apparatus that plugged into the wall and vibrated. But Dear God! the visual!
Which took my train of thought game to my second story.
We were all gathered around my grandma as she unwrapped her Christmas presents. One present was one of those massage pads that you put in a chair that is supposed to do shiatsu or some sh… anyway.
The pad was plugged in and as it roared up it’s BUUUUZZZZZZZZZZ! Each grandchild in the room started glancing nervously at another – until we started that flicker of recognition with each other and started to laugh.
Apparently, my family is big into “the toys”. Or our minds are all in the gutter. Or both.
My final story took place as I worked in the lingerie section of a major department store on Christmas Eve one year. (Jennifer – we’re talking Famous Barr at the mall) We had the standard bras, underwear, nightgowns and robes, but in the back was a tacky little rack filled with icky scratchy underthings that just looked so uncomfortable that OF COURSE you would immediately want them off your body to save you from the chafing.
So this rather rough, unsavory looking character comes up to the register with one of these items in his hand. I start ringing it up, one eye on the clock that was counting down the last 15 minutes of the shift when his words broke through:
“Ah thought ’bout buyin’ two o’ these.”
I really didn’t have any reply.
“This’n mahght git all tore up.”
And I REALLY didn’t have any reply!
Ewww at the mental thoughts from the last story. PMSL!
Jenty’s last blog post..Don’t mess with this pirate!
I needed this. I’m still giggling.
Actually, that reminds me, I’d best clean out the upsairs bathroom before all the family arrive for Xmas tomorrow…
Veronica’s last blog post..How To Decorate A Holiday Tree With Toddler In Tow
I really hope Shortman doesn’t go in our bedroom looking for his Christmas presents. I think I forgot to put something back in the drawer. Thanks for the reminder!
Oh, Mr. Hot…..(dialing the phone really fast)
Ree’s last blog post..Silent Day (at the Office)
LMAO, vibrator? I so would have been thinking the worst as well. That is so funny.
Were you looking around to try and figure out who had the ?¢‚Ç¨?ìspecial panties?¢‚Ç¨¬ù on? And of course, Granny is clueless.
Wow?¢‚Ç¨¬¶it would have to be at the end of your shift when you are more than wanting to get out of there. The next 15 minutes probably were very long.
SJSFalter’s last blog post..Apple Cinnamon Ornaments
Do you watch How I Met Your Mother? This reminds me of the wedding shower episode. It was HI-larious.
One time Josh told me “I used your toothbrush for a vibrator.” as I was brushing my teeth. He meant that he had used it to vibrate the fridge coils…but it didn’t come out that way.
Kyla’s last blog post..Of course.
That was so funny!! Couldn’t keep a straight face if I were you.
susiej’s last blog post..Christmas Eve Treat
ROFL….thanks for the laugh..so needed it today 🙂 Hope you’re having a lovely holiday !
Sandy (Momisodes)’s last blog post..Wrapped With Care?¢‚Ç¨¬¶And Guilt
OMG, that is hysterical….
flutter’s last blog post..blogroll
Onew of the most popular items at the white elephant gift exchange we went to on Friday was the gift set of massage oil from the people who bring you KY jelly. Yes, really. And the last person to steal it was the sixty-something mother of the host. We had plenty to talk about the rest of the evening!
LSM’s last blog post..The Question
Merry Christmas…someday I’ll tell MY vibrator story.
My in-laws once told a story that I was only half-listening to. I heard something about them being in a bedroom and there was a snowblower involved. And that’s when I tuned out. Ew.
Courtney’s last blog post..The TayTay Has Taken Over!
omg EW!! That last story kind of made me throw up a little. And since we’re oversharing – I got Mark bath crayons for his stocking this year and he thought it was weird. And I said, they are for naughty things. And he was all, “so do you like write on the wall?” I almost choked. LOL
Aimee’s last blog post..I’m Tired Y’all
Hydes Like Us
HA! “all tore up” eh? I don’t know if that’s funny, threatening, hot?
Anyway- glad you had a Merry Christmas!
Hydes Like Us’s last blog post..the day after- Wordless Wednesday
OH..You Kill ME!!!
Things that make me giggle are my mom wondering if I have rubbers for me and my husband..you know if we get another snow storm…and when I talk about bringing the dog to my mom’s and say I’m going to drop “Jack Off” …I just giggle.
MP’s last blog post..My Christmas Vacation by MP
It’s because he was going to try to fit into it himself after he makes his hair all purdee and puts on his lipstick.
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..Merry Crotchmas
Damn. That last one is funny and kind of gross.
maggie’s last blog post..The Fruitcake
I am laughing my fanny off on this one.
I got one too. Staying at grandma?¢‚Ç¨‚Ñ¢s house. She, a little hard of hearing.
?¢‚Ç¨?ìGrandma, do you have a library??¢‚Ç¨¬ù
Grandma, ?¢‚Ç¨?ìYes dear, I have a vibrator.?¢‚Ç¨¬ù
Audubon Ron’s last blog post..Xmas at Ducks Mahal
LMAO!!! Ok, I officially cannot skip any more of your posts!!! My kids will just have to deal for that extra five…or ten minutes!
Random Ramblings’s last blog post..Enough Is Enough