Plan A – Last Wednesday
Get up, pack the car, meet a friend for lunch (haven’t seen her in 13 years, she lives in San Fran but was in state seeing relatives), get on the road for Mimi’s house (my mom).
The reality (take a deep breath and read without taking a new breath, that is what the morning felt like.)
Get up, start packing the car, get Alex dressed, Alex has a diaper blowout, strip him down, run laundry, can’t find one of his shoes, search house for shoe, get ready to put laundry in dryer, discover contents of blowout diaper have merely redistributed onto entire load of pseudo clean clothes, reboot laundry, still can’t find shoe, leave house for lunch.
Have a great lunch with friend, chalk up one more thing in the “go to BlogHer” column (remember, friend lives in San Fran.)
My mom calls during lunch, I check message on the way home, my great uncle has died, bring dress clothes, rearrange plans for what day we do what while at home, return home, grab dress clothes for Scout, Alex and I, still can’t find second shoe, pack first shoe just in case second shoe is already packed, load up cat, get in car, start driving.
Stop twice to nurse Alex in various parking lots, flash a trucker accidentally, Alex is the definition of awesome on this drive. Stop for dinner, food is so mediocre that even Alex will not eat it. Keep driving. Switch drivers, it starts to rain, Alex is sleeping, the cat is meowing for the first time in 9 hours, we are 30 minutes from home, let cat out, open litter box, cat takes a dump [ed: why do you “take a dump” and “give a shit”?], cat walks on Alex, wakes him up, but he’s so happy to have kitty so close that he just tries to hug kitty. Kitty wanders around car, Scout closes litter box cuz cat dump stinks, kitty sits in back window blocking my view, kitty comes and sits on my shoulder while I’m driving in the dark in the rain, kitty puts claws in shoulder, kitty gets thrown off shoulder, kitty meows more, we hear PSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHSSSSSSHHHHHing sound from backseat.
The cat has pissed all over our dress clothes. 20 minutes from home. The cat has pissed all over our dress clothes.
I pull off on an exit, throw the cat back in her box, drive home, arrive 11pm, go straight to washing machine to do laundry – everything is washable save for the sport coat. Alex and Tavish wander house, Alex meets his new best friend Graham Cracker and we all collapse in bed, where Alex then nurses all night as payback for sitting in the car all day (which is exactly what I expected.)
Thursday was thankfully a quiet day, we went to the local frame store to get the “approximately a shitload” of pictures/miscellany dropped off for framing to pick up in March when we are back. Alex slept through the process and the day was a nice blur of doing not a whole lot.
Oh. Other than discovering that my mother has taken her whole anti housework thing to a whole new level. My grandma/her mom was a fanatic about keeping a clean house and mom has always tried to go the other way, well at this point her dust has turned to dirt and Alex’s socks were quickly grody dirty from the floors. There’s dirt on the curtains, on the ceiling fan… I had to use a layer of Scrubbing Bubbles on the spare bathroom because the toilet was way too peed on from when my uncle lived there in the spring after he burned down his apartment (smoking cigarettes and oxygen tanks don’t mix mmkay?) The porch still isn’t fixed from when the tree plowed into it 5 years ago, there’s a couple of water stains on the ceiling she hadn’t noticed and the windows really need to be caulked. We’re thinking the house might just fall down around her, and Scout would call Merry Maids but he’s afraid they would run away in fear. Mom’s attention to detail is still in place, we know this because she made Alex two completely kickass appliqued books (photos later – she can show all of us up on “Showin’ off on Saturday” some week). So the parent who we generally consider to be the stable one has now upped the eccentric rating to approximately an 11.
At least I’m inspired to clean my house now. Scout would call this a good thing.
Hey, I have a friend in San Franscisco, too! Maybe I can convince the boys I need to go to Blogher.
I bet that truck driver is still droolin’ babe.
Ree’s last blog post..Okay, Much More Positive Now
OMG!!!! That’s a whole lot of laundry! That sounded a bit hairy at times.
Don’t sweat the flashing….I’m sure it helped him stay awake a few more hours that night on the road 🙂
Sandy (Momisodes)’s last blog post..The World On My Feet + A Few Painted Piggies
You are making my left eye twitch. I am soooo sorry.
Mary Alice’s last blog post..New Year Predictions
Yikes. Being home is a good thing.
magpie’s last blog post..Desire :: Regret
Breathe. Just breathe.
dragonfly’s last blog post..wordless wednesday: all by myself!
Jebus! Freakin’ cat.
Flutter’s last blog post..Like sands through the hourglass
Wow, sounds like one of my days about a year ago.
Thankfully, my son is at preschool and my cleaning people are here right now.
Ahh what a breath of fresh air.
I really do hope you can make it to BlogHer.
Julie D.’s last blog post..Toilet Fishing
Ewww at your mom’s house! Nothing worse!
Those 2 days sound hectic!
Jeanette’s last blog post..I can now get on with my life
sounds like a christmas for the memory books. the kind you put away and don’t remember!!!
janet’s last blog post..It’s great to be in 2008
I’m sorry, couldn’t hold my breath that long! Most of those things have happened to us on trips, but I don’t think all in the same trip. Hope you get some time to breathe this week, and less laundry.
Kara’s last blog post..My very first meme
Wow. I guess my holidays were quite calm compared to yours.
Jennifer’s last blog post..How I?¢‚Ç¨‚Ñ¢m Using Materialism to Self-Medicate
the fruitfemme’s last blog post..Blog of Consumption
2 inches of snow and you’re state shuts down? Good lord!! 2 inches of snow and Mainers are breaking out our tank tops!!
Hallie’s last blog post..Twomey Family Buried Alive!
Sounds like a ton of fun. Hardy har har. I am still curious as to why you took the cat though?
I bet you are glad to be home, and I’m sure that trucker was a fine upstanding citizen and pretended he didn’t see it. 😉
Natalie’s last blog post..The Half and the No Fly
Ugh. Just ugh. Glad you’re home!
Avery’s last blog post..This is TOO Easy
Oh this reminded me of a moving trip between Missouri and New York…within two hours of leaving, all three cats had puked, pooped and urinated in their carriers….and I was driving with my head out of the window til the next exit. All I remember is sponging off animals and kennels with a wad of Burger King napkins in a parking lot….I share your pain.
Ho frickin’ ho…damn cat. Honestly, I’m not laughing with you…I’m laughing at you. It can only get better, right? Don’t answer that.
Mrs. G.’s last blog post..Keeping It Real…January
You had me @ cat piss, but the freaky dirty mom was classic.
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..Let me introduce you to Kevin and Leroy.
I recall when I finally realized my own mothers idea of “cleaning” or lack there of. You were generous enough to stay; J refused to go inside and then required us to spend 2 hours driving around Christmas day searching for a store open that sold vacuum cleaners. It was HORRIBLE! To say the least now we meet in public places only while visiting…so sad.
SJSFalter’s last blog post..Budding Artists
Okay I can breathe now?
Man, you are superwoman.
Veronica’s last blog post..My Daughter Is Getting Funnier, I However Am Not.
Wow, sounds like a not so fabulous start to your trip! Poo, pee, and dirt…grand. If I talked to my mom, her house wouldn’t be so bad, its my FIL’s house that I refuse to ever stay at again!!!
Random Ramblings’s last blog post..Enough Is Enough
Red flag alert!
Turn around now, I can tell this is not going to get better.
Tiffany’s last blog post..Pemphigus what?
VDog’s last blog post..Haiku Contest Winners!
Alex Year One » Haiku Crazy
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