Actually, I begged and begged to be a guest blogger. And for some reason, I was told I could, wheee! I blog here if you find this post in the least part entertaining. If you don’t, well, don’t leave me any mean remarks. My feelings are easily hurt.
Now for the entertaining part…I contemplated telling you about the week I started dating my husband. But that involves bath rugs, lots and lots of alcohol, and more bath rugs. Then I thought I would tell you about how my daughter clogs the toilet every.time.she.goes.poop, but really, that’s not that exciting.
So I will totally copy one of the last posts before us guest bloggers started, and tell you some funny stuff from when my youngest was born. And please tell me some of you had the same things. Otherwise, I am going to think my nurse was weird.
I went in for my scheduled induction at 6:00am, and by 9:30am, I was all epiduraled-up and was ready to push. Seriously. I arrived 4 centimeters dialated anyways, and they cranked that pitocin up. I think there was a party on the floor for the nurses that afternoon or something.
So the nurse comes in to get me ready. She looks down there, and sees the head crowning. She asks what happened last time, and I told her I had a 4th degree tear, and it hurt like hell.
“I’ll take care of that”, was the last thing I heard before I saw the bottle of baby shampoo being not so delicately squirted on my girlie parts. The only thing I could think at that point in time? Was that I was going to be farting Johnson & Johnson Baby Shampoo bubble farts for the rest of the day. So she lubed and lubed and squirt and massaged. All the while my friend and I cannot look at a bottle of baby shampoo the same anymore.
The nurse called the doctor, and my OB came in and said it’s time to push. She got ready; scrubs and gloves on, light position just right. Then another nurse ran in – “there’s an emergency in room 9.”
And then she let the curse words fly. Seriously, I had never heard a doctor cuss as much as she did then. Off she went, and I was told not to push or sneeze or a smallish child might come flying out.
About 10 minutes later, the doctor came back in and got all ready – again. And yes, it happened again – she was called away to another emergency in another room. And I was once again told not to sneeze.
At last, around 11:00am (it was my second, I am lucky I remember my middle name let alone the exact time she was born) Audrey Rose literally came flying out. Shampoo bubbles and all.
(ed: Amy is wonderful! Go say “hi” to her! Also, come see me at “and the pursuit of happiness” – my post should be up around 1030 EDT. Loves ya, Dawn)
I think I would have pushed anyway! But I am difficult like that.
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All of these guest posters are making my bloglines reader overflow!
I loved the farting baby shampoo and REALLY, really wish someone would have helped me out like that.
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That’s like missing two green lights while making your entry into the world. Crap I would have been pissed. I hate waiting… Good story.
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Wow, i do not think I will ever be able to wash my kids hair again without giggling.
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Wow, that is nuts!
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