Is anyone home??

No? Well the door was open, I wonder if Dawn wanted me to let myself in? Well I promised I would check in on the place while she was gone, so I guess I should.

Wow…will ya get a look at this place? Look at all the beautiful pictures. That Alex is sure a cute kid. Mom’s not so bad either. What a brave woman to take pictures of herself, first thing in the morning, in her bath robe. Don’t worry Dawn, I sing that “Boobs Hang Low” song myself…you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself…you’re beautiful.

I could definitely stand to take a few pointers. This woman even has a trophy case over there. Good Grief!! Functional Shmunctional needs some learnin’ shmearnin’. Alright, putting envy and awe away now. Wait…WTF?…Grandy’s not on her blog roll? What-EVER!! I see how it is. Grandy will have to try to find a way to add that herself.

So, when blog-sitting, is it wrong to look in the fridge? You won’t tell, will you? Alrightty then, let’s look.

Ouch…how did I miss seeing that block? Yikes…that knee on the coffee table is going to leave a mark. Crap!…I’m down. Hey, I wonder if Dawn knows there’s one shoe under this sofa? Wonder how long she’s been looking for that?

Ewwww…is that as thong under there? Put it back Grandy…no one else saw that. Right on DAWN!! Get it girly!!

Now where was I before my stumble bumble? Oh yea, snoopin’ in the fridge. HUH! What is that? Damn, is she one of those healthy eaters? Bitch has to have some cookies around here somewhere. Cake? Ohhhh ICE CREAM!! SCORE!

Wait…there’s a bar too? Oh screw the ice cream, we’re mixin drinks. Martini anyone?? They’ll never notice…promise! One olive or two? Better make it two.

Wow…what’s down this hall? Oh, Alex’s room? C.U.T.E! Did I mention this kid is adorable? What lucky parents indeed.

What, my drink’s gone already? We can’t have that. Let’s make it in a bigger glass this time. Yummy!! 3 olives it is!!!

What was that noise? Something behind the closed door? Need a weapon. Ah…found a broom (note to self…use this to sweep up those dust bunnies under the couch). Hellooo??? Who’s there? I have a WEAPON!! *In a whisper* Who else knows they’re gone? Oh, that’s right, the whole damn blog world!! Well…I vowed I would protect this place and that’s what I’m gonna do…after I finish this drink. **Hickup**

Alright, futher mucker, I’m comin’ in and openin’ a can o whoop on your a$$. **Running through bedroom door** AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! Nothing? What was that noise then? Oh sure…who ever watched this place yesterday left both the front door and the window open? N.I.C.E.! Whoa-wha? Why are there pictures of Lotus’ boobs everywhere? HUH!

Whew, that scared me enough to need just one more drink. Maybe just one more olive. Oh yea, need to sweep up those dust bunnies for Dawn. Don’t know if she’ll appreciate it, or even notice. Woops! There’s that thong again! Cute color!!

While I’m at it, I’ll water her plants. Crap, poured some martini into it, instead of the water. What a waste. Hope it doesn’t kill the plant. *Bumping coffee table again* Ouch! Dang thing!! *Breaking figurine* Suck! Hope it wasn’t important…maybe she won’t notice. Whew! I’m tired!! This blog-sitting thing will wear you out. And I was only tidying up a little.

I need a nap…I’ll just lay down for…just…a…minute.

Crap!! Dawn’s home? I was only out for a…wait…what time is it? What DAY is it?

Better get outta here fast. Sneak out the back window…yeah…that’s what I’ll do.

See y’all back at my house. Hope she lets me come back!!

Oh, and remember…what happens at Dawn’s house stays at Dawn’s house!! If not, I’ll hunt you down and gut ya return the favor.

Anyone else need a blog-sitter? Cheap at half the price!!