So Lotus is trying to remove the Evil One from the life that she and her son and husband share.
I told her my binary system for determining how I should proceed with Alex:
tears = actual crying (which he rarely does) = help him out however he needs
no tears = tantrum = let the little shit fend for himself, mama needs a drink and some private time with teh internets
How do you decide when/how to intervene with your little dictators?
Go to the nearest Quick Mart and buy a 12-pack of that citrus drink, “50-50,” and do a little of both…….? I’m still trying to find the title of that parenting book we used to have.
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I go with your method.
I also can frequently be found saying, “Stop whining. Mama doesn’t like to hear whining. It’s really not attractive. Tell me what you want.”
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Totally agree. During the day it’s easier, when you’re looking at them anyway. At night it’s a Victory for him just to get us to come in the room, though, so the tears things is harder to assess. I try to judge by the sound of the cries. His wails of pissed-offness generally sound much different than his cries of true pain and anguish.
When Braden’s laying on the theatrics from his crib, John and I like to look at each other and say things like, “Fakie McFakerton!”
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I found the most effective way of dealing with tantrums was to give as little emotional reaction as possible. If we were out in public, I just removed them from the situation. I once left a cart full of groceries sitting in the aisle and took my oldest out to the car, strapped her in the carseat, and read a magazine until she got control of herself and we could go back in and finish shopping. At home, I often said things like, “If you’re going to scream and cry, you’ll have to do that in your room because I don’t like to listen to it.” Actually, I still use that one with the teen and preteen and the ir bad attitudes. 🙂
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I only intervene when it seems like there is impending bodily harm…
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That sounds about right, dawn
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Amy ALWAYA has tears. Always. Seriously, how does that kid just turn them on?
I judge by the sound of the cries whether she is pissed off and can be ignored, or sad and needing attention.
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right now I am all about the ‘I don’t wanna hear about it unless you can see bone and you can’t stop the bleeding. And for Crissakes don’t bleed on the carpet’
I decide based on the level of anguish and the item causing the anguish. Like KayTar screaming because she wants to take 1 bite out of EACH oreo in the package before discarding EACH of them? She just has to get over it. KayTar screaming because she can’t do something on her own and needs some scaffolding? I’m down for stepping in and helping.
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I will comfort, but will not respond to whining. If whining ensues, I instruct on the proper way to ask for what you want. Then I reward the proper asking. I hate whining! argh! My third is a world class whiner, about everything. all.
Tantrums include tears in our house. I got “Happiest Toddler on the Block” and that seems to help a lot. Sometimes I just sit down and cry with him, though.
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the other dawn
We waited until Noise was 2 for the binky intervention. There was no reason to pull it earlier, his language was great and his dentist wasn’t concerned. By the time we yanked it, he had other coping mechanisms and was also old enough to be somewhat reasoned with…
We are a Love and Logic house. Love it.
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My little one cries too often to give her what she wants each time (she’s almost 4). She’s my third, and I s’pose I’ve gotten tough in my old age. I intervene only when violence is emminent or has just occurred, serious bodily injuries are present, or tongue is sticking out. I HATE that! I guess I also jump in when there is sass, ‘tude and general disrespect happening. No no. That don’t fly here.
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I only deal with my hubby’s temper tantrums now. It’s amazing to watch actually.
My son…he just goes to his room now. He’s 12.
I need more timeouts than he does I think.
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Mine is similar to your technique. If there is an issue, mommy is right there. If he throws a temper tantrum, mommy ain’t impressed, because she can throw a bigger and better one. Trust me.
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I have learned that there is big difference between a tantrum and true sadness with tears. But, I only know the diff w/ my own kids.
Before I take action, I run through a list of what might be upseting my little ones (hunger, tired, sick, bored…)
Thankfully, I neve chose the paci so I can’t really speak to that issue. But, have done the CIO for sleep thru the night.
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