– Realize some women are BITCHEZ. They just are. Their moms and sisters are probably BITCHEZ too. Also? Their friends. Like speaks to like and BITCHEZ hang tight. Think of these BITCHEZ like a rank, wet fart. Unavoidable and best to avoid being in their path.
– Grooming counts dude. If I look at my 5 fave mommy bloggers – not a one of them presents as an uggo. I’m not talking imitating plastic surgery Barbie and spending hours in front of a mirror. Soap and water go a long way. Especially when choosing profile pictures. Sloth is one of the 7 deadlies peeps.
– Have some dayum FUN! Srsly people. Chances are, this is not the job that is providing the finances for your food and shelter. So CHILLAX with the awards, memes, retweets, commenting, replying to comments and for the love of Pete – “mark all as read” is your FRIEND.
– Ask questions. Want to know how to get some nifty widget in your sidebar? Make a button? Change a template? Figure advertising? Get threaded comments? ASK. Even the fucking BITCHEZ tend to answer questions when asked. People like to feel like experts. I’m horrid at reading blogs, replying to comments and all that – but when someone emails me and asks a question – I *tend* to sit down right then and answer it. (Not that I’m hot shit. Trust me.)
Run the other way from DRAMA! I’ll give someone a pass the first time they lose their shit on Twitter. Twice – ehhhh – anything after that and we’re back to the rank fart theory.
No mall hair. Now really this is a rule for life and not just mommy blogging. This was okay on a hot teenager in the 80s ….
(click photo for source)
. . .but NO MORE MALL BANGS. It’s been 20 years – no more curling bangs backward onto your head.
No one puts Baby in a corner. You have all this pain and all these feelings, and nobody’s really paying attention. Every single person . . . is ignoring your pain because they’re too busy with their own. The beautiful ones, the popular ones, the guys that pick on you. Everyone. Okay. That’s totally a quote from Buffy the Vampire Slayer where Buffy is talking to Jonathan in the clock tower. Still works though. Get yourself out of the corner. Goes back to having fun.
To sum up. Have fun in spite of the BITCHEZ in the DRAMA, remember to Shower your non 80s hair, while asking questions, and hiding in the corner is NOT FUN.
ps
HAVE FUN!
27 Comments
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
dude.
well said.
Lotus / Sarcastic Mom
I luff you.
NO MALL BANGS!
Valerie (@ADisneyFamly)
Funny post, and I think I could have been your twin with that picture! LOL Even the same black top & pearls! & hair!
Loralee
I violate like 3 of these BUT I DO NOT HAVE MALL HAIR, BITCHEZ!
cindy w
Ok, I don’t run away from drama because that shit is entertaining as hell to watch unfold. I just try to never participate in it myself.
Other than that: yes to all of it. And for the record, I couldn’t have mall bangs when they were popular because my hair is too limp & straight. And oh, how I cried because I couldn’t get the crispy tower of bangs when I was 14. The injustice of it! Now, of course, I’m just incredibly grateful that there are no photos of me with my hair like that, because good God. No need.
AmazingGreis
I’m not a mommy but I think this pertains to EVERYONE. Well said.
flutter
You so fucking rock.
Rachel (A Southern Fairytale)
I love you.
LOVE.
I don’t think that I can say that enough.
Sarah
RUN LIKE HELL AWAY FROM THE DRAMA.
Bleh. Nothing makes my tummy hurty like other people going postal about their shizz online.
Also, I kinda miss my mall hair. You mean there’s no chance I can bring that back?
designHER Momma
I will second everything you said.
Malia
Girl, you bring the awesome! Love this 🙂
jennifer, playgroups are no place for children
I had no idea you had such a thing against mall bangs. I’ll be sure to tame mine down before BlogHer.
Danielle @ExtraordinaryMommy
You? I love. Just wanted you to know. xoxoxo
VDog
Love. You.
Funniezzzzz
Veronica
But what if I *sob* like my mall hair? (Actually, it’s more like a birdsnest, what with the baby hands pulling it constantly.)
Well said.
Lisa
Great post!
Burgh Baby
I already loved you, but the Buffy reference? OH MAI HELL. I want to dry hump your leg after that.
Redneck Mommy
Dayum, that photo is bringing back painful memories of my own mall hair.
OUCH.
Just wanted to let you know that I’m seriously applauding you for this. I couldn’t have written this post better if I tried.
You rock chicklet.
Avitable
I wish we could just get rid of the whole concept of “mommy blogging” and just call it “blogging”.
Also with no uggos, plz kthxbai.
TexasRed
Love it!
Beth
Outstanding!
Personally? My ninth grade hair was way worse than that. Imagine naturally curly hair introduced to Florida humidity and no idea how to handle it.
Yeah, it was that bad. I’ve attempted to burn all evidence of that hair, but somehow my parents keep coming up with more pictures of it. I’m convinced they have a pact with the devil. Just saying.
Julie {Angry Julie Monday}
Lol…I’m glad my badass boy short hair won’t qualify as “mall hair”! Can I be one of ur BITCHEZ?
Shannanb aka Mommy Bits
Is it hard being so awesome???
Ps. I totally had that hair… that is how old I am.
Yo is Me
i thought you quit blogging! i’ve been subscribed to kaiseralex. sheesh.
hello again.
Clair
You’re awesome. Mall hair scares me, just as the girls who maintain it have since I was 12. Very well said.
WarsawMommy
Yeah, I’m a Mommy. And a Blogger. And a Mommy Blogger.
But no drama – I swear! Also, I have nice hair. Oh, also also: I like women. Not like that… I mean, I support other women. Do ya’ll realise that this small, simple act of liking other women is becoming more and more rare? The bitchez are out online, indeed.
Sister P
Am I the only one who caught the rhyme?
“Like speaks to like and BITCHEZ hang tight”
Cute LOL
First time visitor. Decided not to lurk and left a comment. I like this place. Just may come back. :o)