“. . .I’m always amazed when people say, “I’m a Christian.” I think, “Already?” It’s an ongoing process . . .” Maya Angelou (online source)

I read that quote some 12 years ago in the early morning light after a night of heartbroken not sleeping. That has stuck with me, giving me permission to have my own thoughts about God.

.

.

I grew up in the Methodist church and was proud of myself early on for being able to say the Traditional Apostles Creed without needing to flip to the back of the hymnal to read it.

.

.

Long ago, I was talking to my mom about paying attention in church – she said she tried to at least pay enough attention to read slightly ahead to make sure she actually believed the words she was reading out loud.

.

.

Huh. Interesting, actually paying attention instead of just droning along. Okay, I’d work on that.

.

.

I still work on that. Often I get into the creed as far as . . .

“‘I believe in God the . . . ‘ . . . yeah okay, I dunno.”

I’m okay with people who believe. I’m okay with people who do not believe. I’m okay with people who question. I believe we all have a path in this life and lessons to learn – and God plays out differently for each of us. Exactly as I think it should be.

.

.

Leslie, Victoria, Loter and I spend time talking God and such – and if you lined us up from least churchy to most churchy – I would be your most churchy among the four.

.

.

In November, Loter and Leslie and I were talking about Anissa – who was still in her coma at that point. I had told the Butterfly Lover’s Grandaughter (who is a nurse) about Anissa, and asked her to tell me straight up what to expect.

.

.

She said, “I will say that the one thing I’ve realized in the past 11 years in the medical field – especially critical care areas – is that there is a much higher power at work than us. Sometimes miracles happen. They really do,  with not much scientific explanation as to why. With that said, it sounds like that is pretty much what your friend is in need of at this time.”

.

.

This led us into the topic of prayer and how Leslie had the #prayersforanissa hashtag up on her screen and watched it all the time of the people praying for Anissa.

.

.

[ed: forgive the bit of choppiness here – I’m taking some of this straight from Skype so I quote the girls exactly.]

.

.

Loter: “My faith has been uber weak for some time now, but I still pray. It’s weird.”

.

.

Leslie: “I mean, even *I* pray . . . it’s comforting . . .plus? . . .I totally think it aligns your mind. I dunno. IT works . . . even if there’s a dial tone at the other end, I don’t care.”

.

.

Dawn: “Yep … meditation … focus….”

.

.

Leslie: “ezzactly! Taking your mind away from the things that are in it daily.”

.

.

Dawn: i actually have issues with praying that i’m trying ot work out

.

.

[Let’s note that of the 3 of us – the most churchy of  us has the issues with praying. Let’s all laugh together and then get back into it.]

.

.

Dawn: “so I prayed desperately on the ride to the hospital that i would make it in time before dad died . . . didn’t happen . . . and that was the most desperate NEEDful prayer I have ever prayed.”

” people pray for jobs they dont get, for kids who die, and i dont see the point right now . . .like – if you are going to do what you want to do anyway, then why am i giving you my opinion on the matter?

.

.

So we talked about this for a while – Thoughts were thunk and shared.

.

.

Then Lotus said: Well, my old thought was that it was a way to build your relationship with Him, too. To stay connected. Prayer is an ongoing conversation.  I know that Braden wants certain things, but I always want him to speak his desires to me, share them.  Even if I can’t grant them.  I want him to open his heart to me endlessly.

.

.

Lotus had no idea that those words were going to help me so much. I’d forgotten about a RELATIONSHIP.

I know that Braden wants certain things, but I always want him to speak his desires to me, share them.  Even if I can’t grant them.  I want him to open his heart to me endlessly.

These words bring me peace.

.

.

I talk to my friends all the time. Email, Skype, Twitter, blog comments, phones, occasionally even *gasp* IN PERSON! We talk about random shit all the live long day – we have incredibly strong relationships in spite of not being able to tangibly be together often. So why not talk to God the same way?

.

.

I would be absolutely THRILLED to see in my Skype contacts:

Father who art in heaven hallowed be mah DAYUM name

But until that happens, I will be Franny Glass and work on praying without ceasing . . . opening my heart endlessly . . . With my community, I will keep working this out for myself.