Tonight while the Dude and I were eating our gourmet dinner from a fast food bag, my phone rang. A girl I’ve known since high school. I let it go to voice mail so I could call her after he left.
After giving me a bit of shit about the whole moving home, getting divorced, why didn’t I call thing, she asked how I was doing.
Oh well . . . I can tell you, but I will probably cry . . .
She says, it’s fine, I called so I could cry to you.
I just sat there. A. Her first true love. Her no-matter-how-much-I-love-my-husband-or-how-many-kids-I-have-I-love-him first true love.
He had a minor surgery. Got an infection. Infection shut down his organs. He died.
He died unhappy. Which is what was killing her. She said, “I could have loved him his whole life, and he died unhappy.”
I have no . . . I have no way to tie up this story or put a bow on it to make it okay. I have no end to this story, or way to tie into mine. I have no action step, no anything. But I’m in the dark and alone and I needed to share. The pain that love is causing all around me is so thick I can practically run my fingers through it like some tar, or rubber cement, or snot (which really, isn’t that what rubber cement is?)
This boy-girl shit hurts man. How any of us keep breathing is beyond me at this point.
OH, honey! How very sad and unfair. Tragic.
I guess there are enough of us who ARE happy, that the human race keeps plodding along, for that chance at love, that possibility of hope and joy and awesomeness. I’ve inspired a few people with ‘my story’, and the knowledge that it’s possible to find One’s Person…I know, or think I know, that you thought Dude was Your Person, but apparently there’s someone out there even more well suited to you, who will cherish you and not let you down. [Dear Lord, we can Pray. Heh.]
I remember last year, when V said on twitter, that “bad shit keeps happening, but somehow, we’re happy”.
I’m so happy, that I’m marrying my guy after almost ten years, so…there’s that. A nugget of hope, if you will.
That’s so sad. First loves are truly unique and such huge parts of who we have become.
I had a whole mini-diatribe planned about love and how it shouldn’t hurt so much, but I decided not to go there. You know that.