745 Breakfast duty – greet students, smile, hurry along to get food, but not too fast because thou shalt not run!

800 See new student coming in with Principal, greet her like she’s long lost kin. Swap breakfast duty with principal, Hug a student back when she hugs me. Even though the hygiene is sketchy. Because I know things about this student that would make me scream in the night if I thought too much about it. Because if this student trusts me enough to hug me, I’m sure as shit gonna give this student that. Take new student to class. Help her choose what she wants for lunch, find her desk, find her a pencil because she has no school supplies. Hear secretary calling my name, while taking permission to test paperwork from a Kindergartner. Go see secretary, get supplies for new student that the office has on hand for students who just aren’t gonna get to go to the great wallyworld to get all new things. Put supplies on my desk to take to her later rather than strolling in “Hey! Here’s yer stuff!”

810 Trying to walk out the door to go to TWO IEP meetings, meet parent in doorway and schedule a different IEP meeting, talk to parent, walk to car, realize I’ve forgotten half my things, go back, get things, get to car, get to meeting 5 minutes late, which is fine because the parents haven’t shown. Commune with sped teacher about all our students.

840 Parents arrive after having a “livestock issue” that made them late. Discuss student one. They are grateful to hear we have ideas to actually GASP teach her since her last teacher said she would be surprised if she ever had the skills to leave home. Uh. No. See also. Duh dumbass teacher. Finish talking about student one, proceed to talking about student two, get phone numbers from parents so we can be sure we can get a hold of them when the inevitable behaviors of student two surface.

945 Return to my building. Take a lunch bag down to the Kindergarten. Peek at new student. Library duty. Mark absent student and mental note to see him later in the week. Document the five other students I didn’t see because I was in IEP meetings. Try to learn how to give a new test. Discover materials are missing. Email sped director about “hey I have a few hundred dollars of test here that is worthless because 13 stimulus cards of clouds and cowboy hats are missing.” Get supplies for new student to classroom teacher.

1110 Look up. Late to pick up “high needs student”. The one they all warned me about. Who I laugh about because she weighs 35 pounds dripping wet. I’ve been threatened by kids twice my size that I was going to be punched in the stomach. When I was pregnant. Before I was showing. This little squeak ain’t gonna phase me. Don’t care how many times she (practically unintelligibly) tells me “shit” “shut up” and “goddamnit”. Go get her. Artic drill her like crazy for 20 minutes. Take her back to class. About face halfway there. Take her to nurse. Because she’s peed out. Get Lysol from nurse and go spray down peed in chair in my classroom. Take her freshly changed back to class as I swing a plastic bag of wet shorts with a song in my heart and whistling a happy tune. Go to lunchroom to make sure my new student will get lunch even though her free lunch paperwork isn’t in the computer yet. Email sped director that I borked something in the computer and no longer have documentation for permission to test on a student who’s parents are not easy to get to respond to things like permission to test notes.

1150 Go to see “student two” who isn’t in his room because he’s in the “buddy room” take barely reading preprimer level in 4th grade student back to my room and watch as he dismantles electronics while looking for batteries as he tells me about being five years old and taking his dad’s motorcycle apart. Smile inside.

1220 Lunch duty. Find out a student has Aspergers and is on a 504. Wonder just who tf is in charge of that since I’ve never known about it. ID a student crying. Let other teacher deal with it. Golden boy of class had told him he smelled like poop because he didn’t wipe. Classy. Shake head as teacher puts golden boy at table alone for the duration of lunch today and maybe the next two days. Jackass.

100 – Observe 2 students in classroom. Take notes. Observe two more students in another class. Go to see other sped teacher, take squeak from pee story above out of her classroom to the principal’s office since squeak was throwing papers on the floor, leg clinging and starting to hit. Principal not there. Sit with her in office till she’s ready to try again. Walk her back to class, direct her on what to do. Watch her pick up papers and NOT ankle bite anyone. Go talk to OT, get cushion for chair to see if it will help a student sit still, take back to classroom, leave note for teacher about it. Glance in at new student. Talk to teacher.

225 Still in my building, supposed to be in other building. Call that teacher, reschedule for tomorrow. Realize I haven’t peed today. Go to workroom, get cut off by gym teacher. Consider peeing on his shoes, go to other bathroom instead. After getting another permission to test form out of my mailbox. Go get student, test hearing. For first time since grad school. Yay! The student can hear! Take her back to class. Reply to email, reply to email, reply to email. Give student two’s phone numbers to office, recite them three times for the three students from that family in our building. Realize student who I’m supposed to “buddy” to the bus on Wednesday will be buddyless today because both the other teachers are out. Go to Kindergarten, get one student packed up to go home, get the other buddy, get him on the bus, meet parent for IEP meeting [this parent used to live downstairs from the Dude and I [AWKWARD], she and her kids don’t recognize me thanks to being out of context, minus thirty pounds and 6 inches of hair] have IEP meeting, wave parent goodbye, mental floss that I have heard her headboard banging, sit at my desk and pant, the [work] day is done.