I know how much I have changed and grown because I am still at peace at the end of this very long week.
It was a week filled with meetings and paperwork, needy students and swirled with the struggles of others.
My best friend’s family is dissolving an adoption, stepping back to look at the needs of five people and what is best for everyone. Trying to do it with love and sanity. Stuck in the in between from decision to action. One foot in, one foot waiting to step. Supporting the best I can on the other end of the phone line.
Another friend, who held my head in her lap as I cried for love gone . . . gone, is separated from her husband. I long to be able to hold her the way she held me, to at last repay the gift she gave to me some decade ago. Supporting the best I can from the other end of a text message.
A six year old girl – learning more than I ever wanted to about things she has seen – and fearing that she is so scarred and unhealed that the hair standing up on the back of my neck was there for good reason. Wondering what I will learn next. Supporting the best I can, gathering the troops to get her some help.
Getting hit by a student today, handling that situation the best I could, with utter calm. Until it was over. Then closing the door to my office and letting the tears fall. Supporting myself by reaching out when I was scared and accepting the words when they came back to me. (We who see thestrals stick together, I suppose.)
Driving away from work today, making the transition for work week to weekend, professional hat to mommy hat – I realized how strong I was. No thoughts of badness. No “poor me”. No “What a bad week.” Very much “Bad things happened this week.” Not taking them personally. Not thinking the universe was gunning for me. Simply, “Bad things happened this week.”
When Alex said he wanted ice cream for dinner, I said, you know what, let’s do it. Let’s have a treat. Let’s do it because we can, tomorrow we can eat some fruit, tonight lets celebrate us. Cuz we’re the best we have.
I ate my ice cream with my son, on the couch, watching Phinneas and Ferb in Spanish, with a healthy heaping side of joy.