There’s a hub-ub of breastfeeding talk going on – this at Strollerderby, this at Blissfully Bitchy, and I know I’ve read more, but as I sit here pumping with one hand and typing with the other I’ll just get on with my thought.
I’ve been really pondering this for two days now. Alex and I started off nursing and have ended up exclusively pumping and using bottles. I can share my story if you want, but it’s not necessary for what I’m hoping to learn from you.
My mom did not breastfeed me, she had some sort of shot in the hospital that dried up her milk (purposefully), and had me on formula and rice cereal when I was a week old (per the advice of her L/D nurses) – One representation of a 70s mindset to feeding babies.
(Punch line – we can now find all kinds of info on how that can jack your blood sugar – I can be proof of that.)
My grandma (mom’s mom) did not breastfeed because she was told by her doctors that it would increase the risk of breast cancer – she used formula. One representation of a 40s mindset to feeding babies.
(Punch line – she had to have a radical mastectomy in the 70s. Thanks for your advice doc. (Sarcasm))
As I was feeling frustrated and a little sad that at 14 weeks I think the critical period has passed for Alex to ever nurse from me again it dawned on me:
No one in my immediate family has breastfed a child since my grandma was born in 1915. That’s NINETY TWO years of family culture there. I’d have to go back to my Great Grandmother to find a woman in my close family who could nurture me and help me.
I have had exactly one of my peers breastfeed around me enough to give me *any* clues what it was like.
I know many choices I have made have been a direct result of what my mom did. Her birth story of having me was always very positive, honest (yes it hurt), measurable (she’d had endometriosis – death wishing cramps for a week for no reason vs. death wishing cramps for a day that would result in a child – she’d pick labor any day), and non alarming. With this background, I never feared labor and my biggest beef with my own labor story is how much people tried to interfere, the pain was manageable (one day of suck vs. the 292 days of suck preceding it – fair trade).
My hypothesis is that the women who are successfully primarily nursing (and for this I mean straight from the breast, not pumping like me) at 6 months are women who have mothers who breastfed. I believe a good mother/daughter bond is better than a lactation consultant any day (notice I said “good”, clearly if you have a mom who harps on your ass and makes you feel like crap – a bad lactation consultant is better than her.)
If you will answer a few informal questions, I will pull out my college statistics book and learn how to figure correlation again to see if it seems to make a difference if you come from a line of breastfeeding women or formula women as far as longevity of breastfeeding goes:
1. Did your mom nurse or use formula with you/her children (elaborate as necessary).
2. Did you choose to nurse or use formula with your child/children (elaborate as necessary).
3. If you nursed, how long did you nurse your child/children (elaborate as necessary).
(And if *any* of you respond with “heck, my mom still nurses me … Well, I’m just speechless 🙂 )
23 Comments
nemens
Hi Dawn,
Here are my answers to your questions. I think your theory is valid.
1) My mom nursed me. She said it was a very painful experience but still she did it.
2) & 3) I nursed my son (now 2) until he was 9 months old. I stopped then because he was a terrible sleeper, I was exhausted and I was tired of trying to keep my milk supply up. Also I weaned my son because he then had teeth on the top and bottom and I was fearful of getting bitten. My mom had some influence on this decision of when to stop because she said to me “Nikki, once you got teeth it was all over.” So, I think that helped validate my decision of when was “enough” for me.
After having my son (and embarking on the challenges of breastfeeding) I learned that I come from a great family history of breastfeeding women. My grandmother (now 86) nursed all four of her children starting in 1947 – against doctor’s advice. My great aunt was the only nursing mother in the hospital when she had her first born. My mother-in-law also nursed all 5 of her children when it was not the thing to do. She was once criticized by another woman for nursing in her own house. Crazy.
I also credit the influence of many friends who have nursed.
Anonymous
Hi Dawn,
1) My mother nursed me (born 1965) and my brother (born 1967). My mother’s mother also nursed all five children, born 1942 to 1957.
2) I nursed my son, born Feb. 2006, until he was 15 months old. I started pumping and nursing, and supplementing with some formula, when he was eight weeks old. Many obstacles (initially, sore nipples; much later, when my son bit me, hard enough to cause bleeding) might have stopped nursing completely at any point. I credit the support of my husband, pediatrician, obstetrician and the examples of friends, and an attitude that SOME breastmilk was always better than none. Even biting episodes were never so bad as to make me stop nursing; several friends overcame that hazard to continue nursing to 12 months. By 15 months my son was mostly drinking whole milk in a sippy cup and nursing once at bedtime. We stopped because we were both ready to move on.
I think support is ESSENTIAL to successful breastfeeding, but it doesn’t just have to be family members’ support, though that helps. An all-or-nothing attitude, promoted by some lactivists, stands in the way of an approach like mine. Full-time work and full-time-nursing can be exceedingly difficult.
suz
1) My mom did not nurse me. (1969) I never talked to my grandmother about nursing. My mother-in-law also didn’t nurse since my husband was adopted.
I didn’t know anyone in real life who nursed at the time I had my first son.
2) I did nurse my first son. I wanted to continue when I went back to work when he was 3 months. But I just could not seem to pump enough. When I got like 1 oz in 10 minutes, I thought I am never going to be able to do this. I just couldn’t imagine finding enough time at work to do it. So I switched him to formula. Even if I didn’t work, I don’t know how long I would have lasted. I did feel ‘trapped’ in my house. I was not comfortable at all nursing in public.
I nursed my second son for 2 months, and he just never seemed satisfied, he would still seem hungry after I nursed him for like an hour. He did much better on formula, and again, I had to go back to work, so it was just easier.
Anonymous
1) My mother breastfed all her children. I don’t know what her mother did.
2) I chose to breastfeed. My body did not cooperate.
3) I used a Medela flask/tube system to feed my daughter until her appetite outpaced the flask. So I had her at the breast for five months in the hopes that the ounce or so a day my failed breasts managed to provide would give her some of the antibodies that formula can’t replicate.
-C
Whitney
Hi Dawn, I hope you get enough comments to draw some conclusions.
1) My mom nursed me for 5 months. My dad claims they were hippies and that’s why they chose the breast vs. bottle. My dad then had two more children with my stepmom and both were breastfed. Therefore, I felt total support from my parents.
2) I live in Berkeley, CA. The peer pressure to nurse is tremendous. I was happy to do it, but I’d have to say it is considered the norm here, not a choice. In my new mom support group, all 11 of us were nursing our babies. The first one weaned at 8 months, by choice of the baby.
3) I nursed my first son for 15 months. I am on week 5 with my daughter. We are not having any problems, so I assume we’ll go for a year.
Anonymous
Hi there. I’m from the UK, and there are many cultural differences surrounding breastfeeding, but it’s interesting what you say about family history. To answer your questions
1) My mum never nursed me (1974). I was on formula from birth and she had never intended to breastfeed me. It was the modern thing to do.
2)I breastfed my son (born 2004) and am breastfeeding my daughter (5 weeks old). This is despite the absolute lack of support from all the female members of my family. My sister voiced the opinion that breastfeeding was disgusting, and my mum brought me bottles and formula when I gave birth “Just in case it doesn’t work”. She also told me that I was spoiling my 2 week old son because I didn’t have him on a 4 hourly feeding schedule.
Thankfully, I had a good friend who had modeled a successful nursing experience to me, and my in-laws (who are Danish) just`assumed I would breastfeed as that was their cultural norm.
3)I fed my son until he was a year old, at which point he didn’t really want to nurse any more. However, I had been supplementing with formula for a couple of months, which I think damaged my milk production to the extent that he was no longer interested. We’ll see how it goes with my daughter.
What I really want to say is that I think the way things are set up in the US makes it very difficult to successfully breastfeed. There’s so much more pressure on women to ‘get it right’ early on because of the minimal maternity leave that women carve out for themselves. When you know you’re off work for 6 months or a year then it all becomes less fraught. People in the UK never really talked about pumping because people go back to work so much later. However, the UK breastfeeding rates are absolutely pathetic, despite a ban on formula adverts and no freebies at hospitals, so I’m not sure how it all works out in the end.
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Veronica
1) Yup, my mother breastfed me (1988) and my brother.
2) Looking back, I don’t think NOT breastfeeding was going to be an option for me.
3) I am still nursing Amy at 13mths. She is completely addicted and I can’t see her giving up without a fight.
Kelly O
1. My mom nursed me and my sister (we’re twins). She always made it sound like it was for two years, but I found out after I had my daughter that she only nursed for 5 weeks.
2. I exclusively nursed my daughter (first born), and nursed and used formula with my son. He was MUCH harder to nurse.
3. I nursed my daughter for 14 months. When I had my son, I thought I was a pro. The karmic lesson of having kids, of course, is that you know nothing about anything. I struggled to nurse my son for 6 months, and then gratefully gave up.
bfmomma
1) My mom nursed me for 7 months (in 1970) and my brother for 22 months (in 1973-75)
2) I decided to “try” nursing my first, as we were broke and scientifically (I’m a Science teacher) I knew it was better. I went on to nurse all three of my kids
3) Baby #1 nursed for 2 years, 7 mos. (weaned because of Braxton-Hick contrax w/ baby #2); Baby #2 nursed for 4 years, 2 months (weaned on own); Baby #3 nursed for 3 years, 7 mos. (weaned on own)
Ewokmama
1. Did your mom nurse or use formula with you/her children (elaborate as necessary).
My mom BF me for 6 months, and my siblings for about 6 weeks. She passed on NO knowledge of breastfeeding but I do have a picture of her nursing me which is probably what influenced my decision (besides the research I did about what was the healthiest decision). When I ran into problems, she told me, “Oh, it just came naturally and was so easy for me.” Thanks, mom.
2. Did you choose to nurse or use formula with your child/children (elaborate as necessary).
I chose to nurse. My son did get a little bit of formula in the hospital (long story and I am still bitter about it).
3. If you nursed, how long did you nurse your child/children (elaborate as necessary).
We’re going on 15 months of nursing. I have been pumping since I went back to work at 6 weeks pp, as well. I have no idea when we’ll stop but I am trying to do child-led weaning. Except that I have pretty much hated breastfeeding from the beginning because I have touch issues and they are rearing their ugly head again.
Sarcastic Mom
1) My mother breastfeed me (1976), as well as my sister (1970) and brother (1982). She just felt it was natural and right, and the best thing for the kids.
2) I chose to breastfeed my son (born Oct.16, 2006) because I wanted him to have all the benefits, health and comfort-wise.
3) I was only able to BF Braden for 2 months. He has a milk protein allergy which was causing his intestines to bleed. In great pain, he cried constantly. We tried so hard (I was on one elimination diet after another) but the only thing that worked ultimately was putting him on a special formula. It worked wonders.
If I COULD have, I’d have BF him for at least a year, more if he wanted to.
While I was breastfeeding him, I was a moderately discreet public feeder (ie: boob not just hanging out). Sometimes we used a blanket, sometimes not. That’s just what worked for us, what he was ok with, and what I felt comfortable doing.
Sure wish I could have done it for longer, but we did what was best for Braden.
mp
I never had children..no nursing.
My mother adopted me..no nursing.
Her mother didn’t nurse her..”they didn’t do that”..so yeah I guess you have to go back to the 1800’s.
My dad “doesn’t know”. First time I ever saw/heard of anyone breastfeeding was in the mid 1980’s when my cousin breastfeed her daughter Molly…right there in the living room. I was around 13 or 14…I’ll never forget how in awe I was that that is how you could feed a baby, I never knew!
cinnamon gurl
Ooh, good post and good comments. My mom breastfeed me and my two siblings. Not sure how long she nursed for but probably six months at least. I don’t think my grandma nursed her but I don’t know for sure.
My son is nearly 20 months old and I’m still nursing him — just a bedtime feed. The only mothers I know who don’t or didn’t breastfeed couldn’t; they’d tried but the baby just couldn’t figure it out or the milk supply just wasn’t there.
I was a bit militant about breastfeeding in public… not that I sought those situations out but I refused to feel marginalized and I promised myself I’d never feed my child in a bathroom. And those hooter hiders (love the name!) just seemed silly. Not that I ever judged a woman for using one — you gotta do what you gotta do — but I never felt the need, my son never tolerated it, and I couldn’t figure them out really. I’ve blogged a fair amount about breastfeeding, especially in public; it’s a category on my blog I think.
I think support is crucial, from anyone, but also that too much pressure is a VERY bad thing. A happy mother is WAY more important than a breastfeeding mother. I also think mat leave is the missing ingredient in the US. I couldn’t imagine going back to work after six or eight weeks or even three months. And I certainly couldn’t imagine pumping.
Before I sign off, I must say I find your experiences and feelings on the subject fascinating and I think I will have to blog about how I felt with all those hands on my boobs in those early days… maybe tomorrow.
VDog
My mom bf all four of us, born 1977-1986, well over a year each.
She is fully supportive of my bf Little Man; we’re nine + months in, with a few weeks of EP/learning to nurse in the NICU.
I plan on nursing as long as he wants to, or until I get really tired of it (heheh), but definitely over a year.
It never occurred to me that it wouldn’t work — but we both worked REALLY hard at making it work.
Even though my mom is an experienced bf, she didn’t really help me learn or give me advice — just acknowledged that it is a LOT of HARD WORK to keep up, and gave me moral support — told me how proud she was of me, etc. Which DOES count for a lot.
My MIL nursed one baby, not the other two, b/c it wasn’t the fashion when the other two were born (early 70’s).
I would agree that if you think feeding a baby is done a certain way, you’re more likely to do it that way.
I used a nipple shield exclusively for three months, and it took me a month of attempts to get him fully off the shield. While on the shield, he could switch b/n bottle and breast easily. Once off the shield, it was breast only all the time. Maybe you could try a shield to get him taking from the boob, and slowly wean off like I did.
I am more than happy to answer more questions/give you support, etc.
Best,
VDog
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Sleeping Mommy
My husband and I have a similar theory. He came up with it first–and that’s that breastfeeding has been “breed” out of my family. It was a major struggle for me. My first and second born both rejected my breast (and my milk–I tried to pump and they still didn’t want it!) I didn’t even try with my third. I couldn’t handle another round of rejection.
1. Did your mom nurse or use formula with you/her children (elaborate as necessary). She used formula and I was on rice within a couple of weeks too. And yes, my blood sugar is jacked all over the place. Can we say HYPOGLYCEMIC?
2. Did you choose to nurse or use formula with your child/children (elaborate as necessary). As I said, I tried to nurse the first two. Rejected. Wouldn’t take pumped milk either. Didn’t even try with my third. I wanted to skip that added stress (and tears!) the third time.
3. If you nursed, how long did you nurse your child/children (elaborate as necessary). My first two I tried in the hospital, Firstborn was losing weight so the nurses brought in formula for husband to supplement. I pumped as much as possible with both. Went home and continued to try after being in the hospital 3 days (all were c-sections–yet another area I failed in) Tried another couple of days and couldn’t handle the thought that my children were hungry and I couldn’t feed them. Totally messed with my psyche. I gave up and went to the formula. Again. I PUMPED and they still rejected my milk. They took the forumla right away.
Sleeping Mommy’s last blog post..35 years, yo.
Missy
I think that this is probably a good theory – my mom breastfed me, but just for a couple of months. With both of my kids, I had high hopes of breastfeeding for the first year, mainly to save the cost of formula. I lasted about 4-5 months with each one. I lost interest after that, it is HARD to do, as of course you already know.
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Mrs. F
My mom nursed me until I was 15 months old.
Yes, I breastfed both of my children, but they each only got 8 months from me.
My Grandma did not nurse any of her six children, born in 1953 through 1960.
Mrs. F’s last blog post..To Say Hello or Not?
Surprised Spectator
My mom did not nurse me or my siblings. She thinks it’s a fine thing to do, but not for everybody. I agree.
I solely nursed my son to 6 months, but I was ready to quit at 5. I continued only because he had an infection, and I felt like nursing him was the healthiest thing I could do for him. I soley nursed my daughter to 5 months, then went back to work, and nursed/formula fed until 8 months. I will nurse baby #3, for as long as I can stand it.
Breastfeeding is not natural or easy. The first 8 weeks are especially hard. I aplaud all who give it a shot, and don’t fault those who don’t/can’t breastfeed, whatever their reason.
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Saltgirl
1) Formula – both kids. I think my Grandmother used formula for her three as well because she kept saying “The baby can’t get enough food just by breastfeeding.
2) I did a combo thanks to some poor advice from an LC. I wanted to breastfeed but everyone was convinced that since my milk didn’t come in with a bang exactly three days after he was born that it wasn’t going to. Such crap.
3) We nursed about 11 months and then he just sort of forgot about it. Plus he’d been biting so I let it go.
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