Kaiser Mommy

Choose Joy. Every Time.

Together a Team

I went to church this morning. I didn’t want to. Alex wanted to. So Scout and I took him, he ran off to play with the preschoolers (So we thought … he actually went with the big kids … another story) and we sat in church. I’ve been a ball of rage at the universe. My own little world isn’t coming together with the glitter and fun I’d been praying.. Read More

Post 1

I’m watching the Glee funeral. I’m sitting at VDog‘s house with the cracker husband and the cracker dogs. And I’m afraid I’m going to cry. And I’m just not down with the ugly cry in front of Cracker Warrior. – I don’t know when my relationship with my Dad went to hell. I have not pinpointed the first time that I felt “less than” because of him. I know it.. Read More

I set fire to my rope and from my ashes I rose

I wallowed in my depression pity party. I’m okay with the wallowing. I’m better with the fact that when the wallowing was turning to tears I said, “Fuck this. If it’s broken, crying won’t fix it. If it’s actually worth all this fuss then there is no need to cry.” I got up today and took the damn pill. I got a card yesterday. It contained 4 magic words. “U.. Read More

The Rope

My rope is short and frayed. I know I should tie a knot and hang on. But I’m tired. Tired of trying so hard. Trying so smart. Of giving my heart unconditionally. Scared of conditions. To lighten the mood, I have a book about suicide that I’m supposed to read for an upcoming post about depression. Talk about fitting. The depression part. Not the suicide part. Like I have the.. Read More

Prayer can always have a place. Or not.

So. Maria’s daughter Bella got to stand in the hall while her class said the “God is great” prayer before lunch yesterday. That’s the short version. I’d really recommend going to read Maria’s full version about prayer in a North Carolina elementary school.* I grew up in a small community, probably much like where Bella goes to school. Everyone I knew went to church. Something of the Christian variety. Our.. Read More

I hope God is used to the word eff you see kay.

“. . .I’m always amazed when people say, “I’m a Christian.” I think, “Already?” It’s an ongoing process . . .” Maya Angelou (online source) I read that quote some 12 years ago in the early morning light after a night of heartbroken not sleeping. That has stuck with me, giving me permission to have my own thoughts about God. . . I grew up in the Methodist church and.. Read More