Originally posted April 17th, 2007.

Seriously. I have figured out some serious shit today.

In reading the book The Sweet Potato Queens?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ Field Guide to Men: Every Man I Love Is Either Married, Gay, or Dead the author talks about ?¢‚Ǩ?ìMan Ears?¢‚Ǩ¬ù.

To quickly sum up – Man Ears is what all men have that make it so that everything we say somehow becomes an invitation for sex. Example: ?¢‚Ǩ?ìLet?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s watch a movie?¢‚Ǩ¬ù becomes ?¢‚Ǩ?ìI want to watch nasty porn with you and have sex with you while watching it?¢‚Ǩ¬ù Example: ?¢‚Ǩ?ìWould you pass me the newspaper please??¢‚Ǩ¬ù becomes ?¢‚Ǩ?ìI will give you a blow job?¢‚Ǩ¬ù

You get the idea.

So today, I get the following email from my brother Professor (of ?¢‚Ǩ?ìHi I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m Prof, wanna fuck??¢‚Ǩ¬ù famed pick up line – only continuing to prove the ?¢‚Ǩ?ìMan Ears?¢‚Ǩ¬ù theory):

?¢‚Ǩ?ìWhen are you moving?? I saw Dad yesterday and he said he knew nothing about you moving until last Saturday when he was at Gma?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s.?¢‚Ǩ¬ù

My response to him was:

?¢‚Ǩ?ìThat?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s because he doesn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t listen – I told him in January, Mrs. Forbes mentioned it February, and when she mentioned it he had no idea what she was talking about, she thought she?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d said something wrong. By the time I talk to him again he will probably have forgotten about it again. Granted, it?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s not like it?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s the most important thing going on in his world right now but still?¢‚Ǩ¬¶ its?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ just situation normal on that memory thing.?¢‚Ǩ¬ù

To which he replied that he figured this was the case, and I replied that I figured he figured, and we went on to rag on Dad?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s girlfriend and such, as is sport whenever two or more of my family are gathered?¢‚Ǩ¬¶.

But I digress. (shocking)

I began to ponder just why it was that my father was incapable of retaining details that I shared with him.

And then it hit me.

Man Ears!

Man Ears are programmed to turn everything a woman says into an invitation for sex. Now CLEARLY it is inappropriate for a father to hear something his baby girl says and turn it into an invitation for sex. THEREFORE, I can only conclude that what happens is that when a daughter says something to her father, the Man Ears kick in, sending a whole bunch of feedback sounding noise from the Man Ears to the brain, overloading the Man Ears ?¢‚Ǩ?ìI hear sex invitations only?¢‚Ǩ¬ù receptors with noise rather than the actual words the daughter is saying.

THIS is why fathers and daughters can?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t communicate.

I am ready for my Peace Prize now.