This is a guest post by VDog from VDog & Little Man.

I’m one of those girls that has always been better friends with guys. (Hey, you don’t get a nickname like VDog from hanging out with chicks.) Always had more guy friends, always felt more comfortable around dudes.

Why? I don’t trust bitches. Or maybe it’s that they don’t trust me. I don’t know. Either way, me and the womens just don’t generally get along.

Growing up, the other girls and I always had issues — always centered around insecurities. As far as I knew, things were cool. And then the gossiping would begin. And the backstabbing. And the playing both sides of the fence. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, girls would stop talking to me. Girls would be making fun of my large ass (yeah, even as a kid I had the badonkadonk). And I would be left hurt, confused and with less friends.

Two events that exemplify my experience:

Freshman year, Sophomore boyfriend, new BFF. We were thisclose after I put all my trust in her, because it seemed like we were great friends. Seemed being the imperative word. After she fucked him a couple of times and decided, “HEY! I feel guilty about it! Let me tell some other bitches!” Word got back to me and well…that was that. (Icing? I was a virgin and *he* let everyone believe he was doing BOTH of us. Niiiihhiiice. Asshole.)

Sophomore year, other bitches, my sixteenth birthday party. I developed a group of friends, also known as a “clique” after a harrowing few years with “friends” in junior high and freshman year. About fifteen girls said, “oh, of course we’re coming to your party!” Mind you, my birthday is December 18. One week before Christmas. People don’t come to birthday parties that close to the holidays. (AFF knows what I’m talking about.)
Anyway, the day comes, the party prep has all been done. The appointed time arrives and nothing. No one. Finally, one girl shows up. ONE GIRL. Not even one of my “closest” friends. She stays for about a half an hour, sitting on the couch with me, feeling sorry for me. I call one of my “friends” and her dad says, “Oh, she and Tiffany and [some other bitches] went to the Out of Order show.” Yes, I still remember the band. And I still get nervous that no one will show up to my birthday party.

After those experiences, plus many others that I could recount for you, I learned to stick with my male friends and women friends who also mainly hung out with dudes. And lesbians. Lesbians love me and I love them. I have had lesbian friends literally since at least second grade (hi Hannah!).

I like my relationships to be simple and straightforward. I just really can’t stand DRAMA. I can’t stand someone saying one thing to me, and then telling another person something else, which inevitably ends up finding it’s way back to me in the form of gossip. Be straight with me and I’ll be straight with you. I don’t have the time or energy to play games.

Three years ago, I met an amazing woman I call Cracker #4. She is the first woman to make me believe in women. All of her friends have always been women. I was SHOCKED by this. SHOCKED! “Are you sure?” I asked her. I was incredulous that she’d never been royally screwed over by women, when that’s been the story of my female friendships life.

After becoming a mother, I found gobs and gobs of women to whom I could relate. We had plenty to talk about. I was starting to feel secure in the sisterhood for once. I was navigating murky waters of trusting women who I had no reason in my right mind to trust again.

And then it happened. Double talk. Jealousy. Acting nice to my face while talking smack behind my back. ARGH!!!

It’s enough to make this girl go back into her comfort zone. And I really, really don’t want to. I am enjoying the womenfolk. I am learning to love trusting women again. It is so hard and so heartbreaking for me to be having these feelings again.

What’s a girl to do? Act like I don’t know she’s talking smack behind my back? Start to ignore her/don’t return calls? I really like this woman and am just flabbergasted. ARGH!!!

I feel like this probably isn’t my best writing, but right now I’m in it. I feel like when you’re in the moment of these heated emotions, it’s hard to think straight, let alone write well. Hopefully y’all will be kind to me and see my point of view.

I’m not sure when Dawn will be back, but thanks girl for letting me vent on your blog! Maybe I’ll come back real soon to do it again.