To the outside world, my dad was f’awesome. He had a huge heart and worked hard and was funny and charming and generous. My dad was deep down not a happy person. I knew immediately when he began taking something for it because the mood lifted. I don’t think he liked or respected himself much. He made decisions that certainly didn’t show him valuing his-own-self.
Scout is Eeyore. He is deep down morose. Don’t misunderstand and think I am picking on him. I am not. His first impression of me was that I was the female version of him. Which is damn true in a lot of ways. The leanings toward depression – totally one of them.
The Dude – I knew he was bruised, I had no clue he was broken. I knew he was a walking ball of hurt, but I didn’t understand the extent of his self-loathing until this last year. (There is a line in an episode of Buffy where Spike says, “You hated yourself and you took it out on me.” – Best summation ever of what has happened.)
So I realize now that this is a pattern – that my most significant relationships have been with men who are unhappy at their core. Which since this pattern causes me pain, it seems something I should ponder.
But in my pondering – Are there any happy men? Do you know any? I am seriously asking here.
So glad you’re exploring all this. You want to break your pattern, and it’s a hard thing for anyone to do since humans are naturally drawn to what is familiar. And in that respect, Freud wasn’t too far off – we seek our parents (parental figures, whoever raised you) in our mates, consciously or not. We seek what we know. And we all know how hard it is to step out of our comfort zone. But you have the courage to do it. It’s one of the many reasons I love you!!!
Joe is a happy man. He’s constantly got me in stitches. They are out there…you just have to keep your eyes and heart open to see them!
Yep. They’re out there. But I think they respond to other happy people. Like attracts like; misery loves company. I’m the Platitude Queen today, I guess.
yes, there are. I mean, look at Whit Honea
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[…] things first. After my post about “are there any happy men” I think some thought I was actually looking for one. Hell no. No men. I have plenty of the […]
Yes, there are happy men out there. I think there are a lot of broken ones, but I know for certain that there are some relatively balanced, happy men among us. 🙂
I am happy NOW… now that I am on the other side of the threshold you are walking through. Come on over..we have hugs here!
Hmm. My sweetie can definitely be a “moody artist”, but he’s certainly capable of great joy. We’re quite happy, most of the time. His dad’s younger brother seems to be a very happy guy–theater professor, social worker wife, nice [but not lavish] home, three happy daughters, good food & wine… We have a friend who seems to be a quite happy guy, despite having been through some very trying times with his wild-child gf. 😛