I am a junkie for commentaries on dvds. I adore hearing what was on the minds of the people who created the thing I just watched.

I’ve watched the Sex and the City series over the last few weeks – which I haven’t done before – the last episode is just full of quoteworthy material.

“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

I like watching a character go through their journey and then hearing the backstory on it – Like when Carrie and Big are laying on the floor of the hotel laughing and they haven’t had the big “you’re the one speech” yet but they are just dying laughing till they cry over how ridiculous the situation is to be all dressed up and laying on the floor of a hotel landing after she’s tripped him . . . and the commentators voice over is about how she never laughed with the Russian and

“she didn’t laugh once that night [with the Russian] – she’s not herself. Ideally to me if you can have the combo of passion and laughter? SOLD!”

It was one of those observations where I went Abso-fuckin-lutely!

I’ve been run over by the whole “love” thing before – thinking that the tinfoil model of “love” was something real – building “relationships” on the “foundation” of that tinfoil – and then being surprised and hurt when it all came crashing down.

Today in church I was pondering the half assed point the minister was trying to make and realized that for me, if my goal is to learn, then learning to be open to ME loving someone on my own terms is a huge lesson for me.

I’ve been hurt. I’ve been destroyed. I’ve rebuilt. I’ve found that exciting, challenging significant relationship with myself.

I’m learning that being passionate is wonderful. That laughter is so important, so healing, so foundation building.

I’m learning that the people I can laugh the hardest with are the ones who I love the most. And the people I can laugh with at the hardest times are the ones where that foundation of trust and of friendship is anything but tinfoil.