I woke up this morning talking to Dad. About how he was bigger than life. Knowing that if he were alive, he would still be making mistakes that would keep us apart … me mad, him stubborn. He felt very close.
Once I was up, I saw the date. August 16th. He was born 69 years ago today. No wonder he was hanging out … he was waiting for a Happy Birthday. (Attention Whore … Youngest Child Syndrome …)
It’s … He’s here sometimes. It took me a long time to … see it … accept it … understand it …believe it?
A year ago, I was on a boat in Houston when a rainbow burst across the sky … hello Dad.
As Alex swam his first race at a swim meet … The song was Sweet Child of Mine … the song that played over our “we’re having a baby” announcement that we made for Dad … hello Dad.
The cat went missing this summer and I finally told him to bring his grandson’s cat back and I would work on forgiving him all the things that I was holding grudges about. He did and I am … hello Dad.
It’s a veil. He’s there. The others are too. Last summer, in the midst of the Yuck, they kept gathering, This army of people who made me … me. I just have to find the quiet in myself to see through that veil.