(pasted from email sent to my girlfriends)

Now here’s the funny story of the week.

Still haven’t, y’know, done the deed. Just couldn’t do it when his mom was in the house. Now just can’t do it because I just can’t get in the mood when always listening for Kaiser to pipe up. Hubs is feeling all neglected and blah blah. Stressed. You know boys. Boy parts must be attended to or they don’t feel loved. So Scout really feels unloved.

So. Anyway. I call a friend who lives 3 hours away. Flat out ask her “so if we drive to see you will you take care of the baby for a couple hours so my hubs and I can have the sex?” She says absolultely and thinks it’s somewhere between sad and funny that we have to drive 3 hours to find a babysitter.

So. Tomorrow after closing I will put Scout and Alex in the car and start driving. Haven’t told Scout we’re going away for the night. Have room reserved someplace with a king bed, whirlpool and river view.

Now clearly need contraception and assistive materials for this venture what with the I don’t want to get pregnant ever again and I’ve already had two periods since Alex was born (it figures, not supposed to have a period while breastfeeding – so now my regularity is irregular. Can’t win). I know I’ve seen a Priscillas in town but I can’t remember where. The GPS doesn’t list and I can’t find it in the phone book. (The phone book has an entire page of “escort services” but nothing under ‘sex’, ‘erotic’ or ‘intimate’). So I end up at walgreens and I get some Durex pleasure pack with 3 condoms, 3 different lubes (I detest the word “lube” but can’t think of a euphemism), and a … vibrating condom ring. I figured what the hell right? So for 12 bucks I have this naughty little box in my right hand … and my innocent baby on my left arm. I go to check out and to my horror both registers are run by high school boys. I turn around and go to the pharmacy where I get waited on by a very pregnant woman who smiled and laughed when I turned bright red and said “thank you for not making me have my condoms rang up by a high school boy!”

postscript

So today on the way to the house closing we pull off the highway. and there sits Priscilla’s. I’d been just south on the other side of the highway TWICE yesterday.