This is a guest post by VDog from VDog & Little Man.
I’m one of those girls that has always been better friends with guys. (Hey, you don’t get a nickname like VDog from hanging out with chicks.) Always had more guy friends, always felt more comfortable around dudes.
Why? I don’t trust bitches. Or maybe it’s that they don’t trust me. I don’t know. Either way, me and the womens just don’t generally get along.
Growing up, the other girls and I always had issues — always centered around insecurities. As far as I knew, things were cool. And then the gossiping would begin. And the backstabbing. And the playing both sides of the fence. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, girls would stop talking to me. Girls would be making fun of my large ass (yeah, even as a kid I had the badonkadonk). And I would be left hurt, confused and with less friends.
Two events that exemplify my experience:
Freshman year, Sophomore boyfriend, new BFF. We were thisclose after I put all my trust in her, because it seemed like we were great friends. Seemed being the imperative word. After she fucked him a couple of times and decided, “HEY! I feel guilty about it! Let me tell some other bitches!” Word got back to me and well…that was that. (Icing? I was a virgin and *he* let everyone believe he was doing BOTH of us. Niiiihhiiice. Asshole.)
Sophomore year, other bitches, my sixteenth birthday party. I developed a group of friends, also known as a “clique” after a harrowing few years with “friends” in junior high and freshman year. About fifteen girls said, “oh, of course we’re coming to your party!” Mind you, my birthday is December 18. One week before Christmas. People don’t come to birthday parties that close to the holidays. (AFF knows what I’m talking about.)
Anyway, the day comes, the party prep has all been done. The appointed time arrives and nothing. No one. Finally, one girl shows up. ONE GIRL. Not even one of my “closest” friends. She stays for about a half an hour, sitting on the couch with me, feeling sorry for me. I call one of my “friends” and her dad says, “Oh, she and Tiffany and [some other bitches] went to the Out of Order show.” Yes, I still remember the band. And I still get nervous that no one will show up to my birthday party.
After those experiences, plus many others that I could recount for you, I learned to stick with my male friends and women friends who also mainly hung out with dudes. And lesbians. Lesbians love me and I love them. I have had lesbian friends literally since at least second grade (hi Hannah!).
I like my relationships to be simple and straightforward. I just really can’t stand DRAMA. I can’t stand someone saying one thing to me, and then telling another person something else, which inevitably ends up finding it’s way back to me in the form of gossip. Be straight with me and I’ll be straight with you. I don’t have the time or energy to play games.
Three years ago, I met an amazing woman I call Cracker #4. She is the first woman to make me believe in women. All of her friends have always been women. I was SHOCKED by this. SHOCKED! “Are you sure?” I asked her. I was incredulous that she’d never been royally screwed over by women, when that’s been the story of my female friendships life.
After becoming a mother, I found gobs and gobs of women to whom I could relate. We had plenty to talk about. I was starting to feel secure in the sisterhood for once. I was navigating murky waters of trusting women who I had no reason in my right mind to trust again.
And then it happened. Double talk. Jealousy. Acting nice to my face while talking smack behind my back. ARGH!!!
It’s enough to make this girl go back into her comfort zone. And I really, really don’t want to. I am enjoying the womenfolk. I am learning to love trusting women again. It is so hard and so heartbreaking for me to be having these feelings again.
What’s a girl to do? Act like I don’t know she’s talking smack behind my back? Start to ignore her/don’t return calls? I really like this woman and am just flabbergasted. ARGH!!!
I feel like this probably isn’t my best writing, but right now I’m in it. I feel like when you’re in the moment of these heated emotions, it’s hard to think straight, let alone write well. Hopefully y’all will be kind to me and see my point of view.
I’m not sure when Dawn will be back, but thanks girl for letting me vent on your blog! Maybe I’ll come back real soon to do it again.
12 Comments
Amy
I had similar experiences growing up. (Example: So called friend spread rumors to popular girl that I wanted to fight her over her boyfriend. Total lies just to befriend popular girl.)
Somehow though I’ve felt it important to nurture relationships with women, being one myself after all. It did not work until about my mid-twenties. Then I met some women I knew I could count on.
With mothering, it is amazing how many more friendships with women have materialized. And I know some of these connections are deeper than others.
I have had men treat me just as poorly though. Stupid, clicky men hungry for social approval from shallow people.
There are good women out there. Truly.
From the formerly known as “A-Bomb.” Who also has fantastic lesbian friends.
Amy’s last blog post..One Year Ago
VDog
Thanks A-Bomb.
I *DO* know that there’s great women out there; that’s why this is so frustrating for me. I thought we were past all this high school bullshit.
I know it’s more about her than me, but it still sucks.
I’m sorry if this reads as overly harsh — but it’s a vent, that’s all.
I have found SO MANY wonderful, wonderful women here in the blogosphere and even met some of them IRL. I felt like this was a safe place to let the women I trust — you all — know that I’m having a tough time with a friend right now.
I just act like myself and assume everything is cool unless you let me know otherwise — bring it to my face — I can handle it — don’t talk shit about me behind my back… Even if the reason you’re talking shit is b/c it’s your own issue and not so much me, TALK about it it WITH ME. I’m happy to help. Ya know?
Thanks for your input Amy. I love Amy’s. 😀
VDog’s last blog post..The Day BOSSY Came to Town
BeeRepartee
Vdog,
EXCELLENT POST! BRAVO.
You nailed exactly how I feel. Good for you for putting this out for all to read. It makes me feel like I’m not crazy but Amy’s right….there are good relationships to be found. Most for me have been found online, cause face it, we rock. 🙂
I think it’s some cruel hoax going around where “they” tell you women are supposed to have a crowd of close personal friends. In my experience, it doesn’t happen.
(Who is “they” anyway? Personally, I want to take them out in a dark alley and beat the ever-loving crap out of them….)
I came to the realization that not immediately trusting a guy/girl right off the bat is not a bad thing, but just my personality and more importantly, what I need and can bring to a friendship.
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss
I hope this post and comments will give you some peace.
BeeRepartee’s last blog post..Which Wall Do You Want The Deer Heads
MP
GREAT post..it’s like that song, “High School Never Ends”
You know it don’t you? But that is the truth..I see it in the workplace.
I got burned real bad about…5 times..ALWAYS burned by the bitches..NEVER the guy friends. I don’t think I could be a lesbian since I could never be that best of friends w/ a girl as I am my husband..does that make sense?
I love my bloggie friends who are mostly women..I hope none of my bloggy friends become bitches.
MP’s last blog post..Radom Wednesday Thoughts
Kyla
What is it about women that causes this behavior? You see it from the time little girls are about 3 in preschool, and it just never stops. Crazy.
Kyla’s last blog post..Unofficially.
Anglophile Football Fanatic
You know what’s crazy? I could’ve written that! I’ve always been better with guy friends (I like sports!) than girls. I lost all my high school friends at my all girl school over a boyfriend – so I totally understand. Guy bosses…don’t get me started on the bitch who effed up my law career for no particular reason. I’m so sorry. I am not the one to ask, because I’m not good with girlies.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..Don Knotts, Lust & Flatulence
Jennifer
I’m sorry. I feel the same way. Really I don’t think I ever truly let my guard down because I know how women are. It’s disappointing that junior high NEVER ends for women.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Sketty Day
the planet of janet
you go, vdog! i think my daughter (13) is living some of this as we speak.
it kills me to watch. girls? girls suck.
the planet of janet’s last blog post..More cranky — with a little sick thrown in for good measure
Veronica
And I still have no IRL women friends for this very same reason.
Also, give me men to work for and men to work with ANY day. At least then I know where I stand all the time.
Veronica’s last blog post..No ADSL For Me
Kelley
I guess my bitch-o-metre is better honed. Oh yes I have heard my fair share of bitching about me, but confronted the skank and wiped them from my memory.
I have only been hurt by someone I was close to once, but when I wiped her and stepped back I realised it was a toxic friendship afterall. Pity the bitach is in my wedding photos.
Hopefully your bitch-o-metre is getting honed as I type.
And hugs, cause that is some major suckage.
HRH
I completely agree. Women suck as friends. I have always had more guy friends. I am laughing because I also have several close lesbian friends but I had never made the connection! DUH.
HRH’s last blog post..I just need a nap…
Sarcastic Mom
Vdog, bitches ain’t nothin’ but ho’s and tricks.
But seriously? I’d tell the woman how you feel, just openly and honestly, and maybe you guys can work it out. She deserves the chance, and if she’s whack, you can call it and then be done with it and move on.
Peace, yo.
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..Don?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t act like it?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s never happened to you.