Kaiser Mommy

Choose Joy. Every Time.


This author hasn't added his/her bio.

Advice from 40 weeks to 34 weeks

This is part of the email I wrote to my sister in law this morning while not sleeping – She’s at 34 weeks and convinced something must be wrong with her or the baby in order for her to be feeling so much pain: No no, feel free to bitch my direction. I totally understand, and you know I’m not going to pat you on the head and try to.. Read More

Questions of Death

Kristen and I just got off the phone. She is in week 18. I am in week 118. No no, week 39 I mean. We each asked each other the questions of death – Me: Boy or girl?Her: Don’t know, had to reschedule the appointment. Do you have a baby yet?Me: Not yet. We likely asked each other the very same questions that many other people have asked us and.. Read More


Now, Scout and I were born during snow storms, so naturally I assumed Alex would be too, even though Scout scoffed at me because his due date was April. Now I’m here to tell you, it looks like freaking Winter Wonderland outside … WHERE is my baby? Snug as a bug in my tum. What a man.


Things are that suck: Snowing on APRIL 11TH!!! Seriously!!!!! Things that don’t suck (aka a positive byproduct of pregnancy) Actual orgasms during dreams.

Too tired to be observant

Came home, had contractions (little ones), had back ache, took nap (three hours), woke up, snowing in April outside, no contractions, no back ache, still crazy tired. Dorothy and I talked about the dissolving of the good girl complex and how nice it is to have the strength and the scapegoat of pregnancy to justify the being bitchy. I should really spend some time chatting about that, it’s absolutely one.. Read More

Why Ivy is my hero.

Me: “I’m afraid my kid is going to come out as a combination of the Arby’s menu, chocolate pudding and frozen peaches.” Ivy: “Well at least you know he’ll be something you love!”

4 days

“You’re here?” “You’re here!” “I wondered if you’d be here today.” “What are you doing here?” “WHEN are you due?” All comments heard all freaking day from anyone who I remotely regularly talk to at work. Along with the follow up question: “Do you think you’ll go early?” (because clearly I’m fucking omnipotent and have compwete and tow-tal contwol over dis pwegnancy) Advice from Heidi at work (unfortunately she gave.. Read More

Something that helps

I don’t brag on my husband very often, but after having a rather rough day, and him engineering a way to get the mobile attached to the bed, I have to say, slow dancing to the Pottery Barn Kids mobile rendition of “Walk with the animals” with him did make me feel more like facing this parenthood thing.

5 days ish

Easter. Still not loving Easter. Today was meltdown day again. Scared. Scared of change, scared of what could go wrong, really not happy that after 10 months of sheer bliss I’m rewarded with some hella pain to make the 10 months of sheer bliss end. I mean, really, wouldn’t a tantric orgasm covered in chocolate really be better payback. And I mean an orgasm like a guy has one –.. Read More

Fysfunctional Damilies

I always knew where I fit with my mom’s pack of family. To screw me up, all you had to do was throw me to a weekend at my dad’s during the teen years and I knew I was the octagonal peg and I had no clue what shape the hole was I was supposed to fit. Fast forward a decade or so and I learned that all four of.. Read More

In Awe

I just slept 9 1/2 hours, and woke up without being in serious pain, and when I got up was able to walk with a little stiffness but not at all like a 90 year old woman with arthritis. I’ll concede that it is just possible that the chiropractor did some good yesterday. And that my bladder did not wake me up. And that the cat did not wake us.. Read More

My job sucks

I’m processing. I’m being really really honest here. We aren’t Pollyanna’s here – we don’t do trite, this is probably as far from idealistic as I will ever admit to being. I have one of the worst jobs on the planet to have while pregnant. Early on, there were just a couple of people at work who seemed to understand that. Most people when they hear I’m a special ed.. Read More

Good Words

So I’m not going to be raising a girl – but I came across this and thought it was well done – and thought I’d share it with y’allhttp://melinor.blogspot.com/2007/03/dispirited-thoughts-after-hard-day.html