Annoyed with the midwife today. Wtf is it with people and the freak out over OMG YOU DIDN’T POP THIS KID OUT ON THE DUE DATE WE MADE UP FROM THIN FUCKING AIR?

Never mind that her “exam” was so fucking rough I finally asked her if she was wearing a ring when her knuckle was pushing through my taint (Okay fine, women don’t have a taint, but you get the idea.) THEN once I got home I had enough pink colored stuff coming out that I had to call the midwife on call, who called me back WHILE her current mommy was PUSHING (bless them both), and who, like a total love, told me that the cervix is so vascular right now that merely looking at it can cause it to bleed. I love her. I’m pretty sure she’s the one I loved a couple of weeks ago.

I’m mostly annoyed because up until today I have had few doubts about my ability to do this. I’ve trusted that my body will know what to do when to do it etc. Now because of this one person – who really didn’t say anything negative – just that my cervix wasn’t ready to have a baby this very instant pretty much – the whole having an appointment scheduled on Friday, another non stress test (I broke out into hives during today’s stress test and ending up taking Benadryl when I got home,) and another sonogram with some fancy name that checks and makes sure the baby is okay… all of this has instilled some fear in me that I can’t do this, that the next thing I know I’m going to be strapped down to some table getting ripped in two, all bloody and helpless with my baby being taken out of me.

Yeah, I’m gonna sleep well tonight. Not.