I’ve had a stack of mail sitting in my car all month. It’s impossible to find a post office in the land of all the vices. Especially since I’m still learning how to do things with the little kaiser running the show. Garmin tried to take me to the next town over. So I’ve had photos for the grandparents, baby presents, wedding presents and a box of kilt in the car all of July.
Today I had only 1 goal. Get this shit out of my car.
I had a list of 4 possibilities from the net. I find one (Garminless bc Scout took it out of town with him). It’s in the back of a RiteAid pharmacy. I walk in with my big ole box, multiple envelopes, check card and baby. I wait patiently while the woman in front of me chats about mice with the desk clerk.
I hand off my stuff to the clerk, she notices my card and tells me they only take cash and checks. She starts processing my shit, I walk back out to the car to get my 20 dollar bill and/or my checkbook. I assume they won’t take an out of state check so the 20 it is. Till I realize that my Kate Spade carrying days have been replaced by a JJCole baby backpack and all I have is my ID, Credit card, check card, diapers, and 7 dollars Scout happened to leave in my car. I take the 7 back in, apologize, the girl asks if I want to come back. I think on it and then answer honestly. No. No I don’t. I will, but No, I don’t want to. She sends off the box of kilt, pulls postage off the stuff for the grandparents and sends me up front where the cash register has stamps I can use my check card to purchase (Wtf, I can’t buy stamps at the PO but I can buy them with my condoms?) I get in line behind ONE person. Meanwhile one woman meanders past me, and an older guy stands right up in my shit. I’m bemused. Buncha close talkers out here in the land of vices. The woman finally notices “oh were in line ahead of me”. Uh, Yeah. At the same time the older guy goes “are you in line” No cocksmoker, I’m juggling a baby and a bunch of fucking envelopes b/c I’m expecting the Easter Bunny to hop on by.
I think I’m going to spend my time learning Morse Code so I can summon the Pony Express the next time I need to mail something.