I come from a long line of non breast feeders. (I’d love it if you’d check out that link and post a response – I’m still curious if my theory is right) Before November 2006 I had no intention of breastfeeding Alex. I was completely skeeved out by the idea of a baby sucking on my boobs. I had two friends who had felt the same way and they’d pumped for their boys. I was open to the idea of pumping for him, and that was my plan. I wasn’t big on letting a bunch of people invade my privacy and my boobs. It all seemed very invasive to me – the LLL, the Lactation Consultants, it was all more drama than I really wanted to get into. Then Sara framed it for me in a simple way.
Dawn, she said, babies are geared to nurse. A friend told me that you put the naked baby on your naked stomach, you let it root around and find your boob and it will nurse. It’s probably worth giving it a shot to see if it works for you, if not, hit the pump.
This simple statement totally changed my point of view.
Alex was born at 2:47 am, after everyone was done with us, I just had them take my gown and leave the clean one by the bed. I wrapped my naked self in the sheet with an unwrapped Alex and just waited to see what would happen.
There in the middle of the night, he nursed. Scout slept beside us, and I fed our boy.
Obviously, things went to hell after that, but I’m so grateful for Sara’s words. I’m so glad I gave it a shot. I feel like, for me, it bonded me to Alex to let him cross that boundary. I temporarily set aside all my hang ups, and I let my little boy be close to me in a way that no other person has ever been.
There’s been such an uproar over Applebee’s, Facebook and Bill Maher. I’ve read so many posts from so many women who show their passion and their heart and their bravery. I’d start linking, but that would be never ending – but please feel free to link in the comments, I can’t seem to get enough of these stories.
Reading about your experiences has given me the courage to try nursing again. (This one was the last one I read before feeling brave enough to try again.)
And he’s done it. He’s nursed. Just a little bit. But just enough. Just enough to help me soothe some of that hurt of all the beating myself up I’ve done. (Yes, he’s caused some hurt when he decides my boobs are chew toys.)
I never would have tried it if it weren’t for all of you. So thank you from the bottom of my boobs. And believe me, that’s coming from a long way down.
Oh wow he nursed!
How do you feel? How are your boobs?
I am rapt for you.
I’m so happy that you were able to get up the nerve to try again. Most women don’t and I understand all the fears and reservations — I experienced them myself!
I am so in awe of you, right now. I bottle-fed Thing One and then tried breast feeding Thing Two – since, they stopped prescribing those pills that dried me up the first time – and became very frustrated when realizing that I just didn’t have the patience.
Felt like such a jerk, really.
The Boy came along and, again, I gave up and RAN to the store for the formula.
I didn’t even bother with Mini-me – it was all I could do to keep up with everything else – but, after I started blogging and realized that other moms were feeling just as jerky, I wished that I could turn back time and still the kind support and comfort of my online friends.
I still regret it, today – good luck, momma!
Ooops, I meant:
“I wished that I could turn back time and still receive the kind support and comfort of my online friends.”
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I seem to be needing some more coffee…too!
the egel nest
I love the last comment…about coming from a LONG way down…very cute 🙂
The Egel Nest
Kelli @ Gohn Crazy
Great posts over here!
You know when I had my daughter I had it in my mind that I would probably breastfeed, but I didn’t like it. I didn’t like having my boobs on display as I’m a very modest person. I hated having to cover up all the time or asking anyone to leave the room to feed her (because for me staying or not covering was not an option). I definitely had a case of boobies are a sexual thing. It’s sad, but how I felt. I didn’t like doing it and it HURT. Then my daughter developed reflux and we thought it was an allergy to my milk and put her on formula and then changed formulas and changed it again and finally got medicine for reflux and around 2 months maybe adding cereal to help her keep things down. It was just a bad experience.
This time around I have decided before I conceived that I WAS breastfeeding and doing what was best for my baby and me and not letting anything stand in my way. Not to mention I couldn’t imagine having to pay for formula again – that stuff is EXPENSIVE!! My son does not like being covered so I may put up a burp cloth to cover your view a bit, but he is not covered. I could careless what family really sees me and I just do what I do. I had it in my mind that I was doing it this time and I think it helped rather than saying yeah maybe I’ll “try” it. And it hurt for a lot less time than it did the first time.
I think the first time I had no idea what I was in for – it is natural but I’ll be damned it’s not EASY. Yay for you being successful with pumping. That was my original backup plan this time around. I applaud you. 🙂
I think it is so awesome that you’re trying! It would be so easy to just keep giving him the bottle -which would be fine if that’s what was OK for you – but it’s obviously not and I truly applaud your effort! Good luck!
Hydes Like Us
What a lovely post. (With a funny little zinger on the end.) You made me wish I still had those beautiful moments with my little onion. Nursing him were some of the most special moments of my life. You gave yourself and Alex a gift with that moment.
i love that you commented so i could come and find you (and add you to my reader)
dude! it’s awesome over here.
Hurrah! Good for you. It’s such a personal decision but also only one that you can know what is best for you and baby.
And it does hurt, but after a while it will stop hurting..I promise!
I think it’s fascinating (not trying to be too forward since I just started reading you….) that babies see black and white, contrast, when they are first born. Their sight is caught by white and dark on the breast and know where to go…it’s really amazing.
Good for you! 🙂 You put the biggest smile on my face.
Hope I didn’t scare you off breastfeeding with my dilemma! I’m not militant about nursing at all (it’s probably the one thing I Don’t have an opinion about!) but I never entertained the idea of doing anything else because when my oldest child was born, we were too poor to buy bottles and formula–breastmilk is free! When my daughter was born she latched on immediately and nursed like an old pro–pretty amazing! How do they know where they’re going and what they’ll find there?
Awesome. I’m so happy for you that you got to have that moment. I hope there are more to come. I know sometimes it can be touch and go. Just do what you can and don’t stress it. You are pretty amazing for doing all of that pumping!
Thanks for stopping by my blog, by the way. I’m excited to have a new blog to read, as well. I’ve stopped by a couple of times and added to you my reader but haven’t gotten completely caught up. This may be a redundant suggestion – I highly recommend the lactation consultant message board on ivillage. Those ladies were so helpful when I was going through all of the crap I’ve dealt with during my breastfeeding “career.” They can motivate you, encourage you, and give you the willpower to do whatever it is you want to do!
Again, good luck with whatever direction you go with breastfeeding nourishing your child!
Hi! You delurked, so I thought I’d drop in. Your little boy is gorgeous!
It is obvious from reading your posts that this has caused you a lot of anguish, and because of that, I am SO happy for you that you gave it a go again!
I’m wishing you and Alex the best and feeling happy for you guys in rediscovering this part of your bond.
Have fun! 😉
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah
I wish more people would talk about the fact that breastfeeding can be painful. I think that way frustrated moms wouldn’t feel so alone and random haters would understand that it isn’t laziness.
Hey, I’m glad you delurked! You’ve got a great blog here!
I also was skeeved out at first, but gave nursing a try. I had problems at the hospital, but had a great nurse who helped me get my act together. And yes, she grabbed my boob like it was her own. But, she did ask first!
I had some sore moments in the process, but I’m glad I did it. I made it to eight months, when the vampire teeth became too much for me to handle. I found the nursing time much more convenient than the few months he was on the bottle afterwards.
If I’m lucky enough to have another, I’ll try again. But if it doesn’t work out I won’t beat myself up either.
Secret Agent Mama
I have weaned our 9 month old (at 5 months of age) but I absolutely loved the bond. You did good, Mama! Don’t beat yourself up at all!
Hi! Thanks for delurking! Glad I found your blog, it’s now added to my feedreader!
Thanks for delurking over at Jodifur!
Being able to change my mind is my favorite thing in life.
That and deeeeeee-lurking!
What a wonderful private moment in the hospital you describe! And kudos to you for being courageous and open enough to try.
What a beautiful post. I’m so happy for you that your boy got some boob time!
To answer your other questions, I think you’re onto something. My mother nursed me for a year (and then went on to nurse my two younger siblings as well, but not for that long). I nursed my first baby for over two years (and did so while my mother watched him so i could go back to work – talk about the mother/daughter relationship and how it affects nursing! She really helped me that first 18 months!) I’ll probably nurse my second baby a little longer than my first.
Alex Year One » Blog Archive » Weekly Winners - Photos
[…] this picture? Because this bit of blissful baby sleep is after he nursed all day long. Nursed. NURSED. Every. Time. All. Day. Not just a little snack, but like, “Good Lord, Mommy, where have […]
Good for you! I admire the fact that you PUMPED all that milk all that time. Yikes. I could never really get the hang of pumping. Once he and I both figured out a comfortable position (which took a couple of weeks) I mostly just nursed. He never would take a bottle which made feeding him while I was at work, a nightmare. He basically wouldn’t eat more than a few teaspoons all day and then nursed all night to make up for it. Talk about sleep deprived! I’m glad it’s working out for you.