Kaiser Alex here. Just wanted to let you know that Operation Break Parental Unit’s Spirit is working swimmingly!

I have steadily sleep deprived mommy and daddy all week long – letting them have a tiny bit of sleep until the middle of the night, when I decide I need to keep telling them I love them feed me dammit! I’m in a growth spurt here, can’t you SEE?!?

I have also decided I need twice as much milk as mommy currently produces so she has to stay permanently connected to the computer breast pump.

I thwarted her plans to go to yoga on Wednesday by falling asleep and sleeping through when it was time to leave. She didn’t wake me because she needed me to be on my best behavior with Mr. Picture Taker that afternoon. This was part of my master plan, I do not need her conversing with other adults, she is MY MOMMY. MINE.

As another sign of my power, I have taken possession of the TAB key on her computer. She should thank her lucky stars it wasn’t the shit … um… shift key. That other word is what ended up head to toe today during a diaper change – all part of my nefarious plan.

As for daddy, I’m planning to kick him in the nuts until he buys me a pony.

Until the pony arrives I will continue Operation Spirit Crush.

Mommy will be back tomorrow.

If I decide to let her.

Bow to me, all y’all,

Kaiser Alex