(Brilliance from my friend Red, who is now Mrs. Tater. ‘Bout damn time.)
I have a friend who is a lawyer. She is not married (BUT SHE’D LIKE TO BE. HINT HINT – oh…. excuse me Tater…. my bad). We were talking (IM) about baby sleep because of a conversation I’d had in yoga yesterday (more on that at a different time. I like my can of worms closed in these hot summer months). We talked of how we’d like things to be – which resulted in the MOST awesomely drafted memo ever. I once again believe I should hang up my funny crown because there’s a new princess in town.
(edited so y’all believe we’ve actually graduated from institutions of higher education)
(for sake of clarity I will her NOT Mrs. Tater and I will play the role of Mommy)
NOT Mrs. Tater: Like I said, I have a bias about how I’d “like” to handle stuff but I don’t live with an ankle-biter full-time.
MOMMY: Well, I fully expected said crumb snatcher to be sleeping in his crib in his own room on a completely separate floor of my home at the time.
NOT Mrs. Tater: I find memos very helpful at my job, think you can send a memo to file to BabyKaiser?
MOMMY: Like BabyKaiser, you can now start sleeping 12 hours at a stretch and waking up with a dry diaper and good mood? Sincerely yours, Mommy?
NOT Mrs. Tater: Well, I would have your lawyer write it up as “Mr. BabyKaiser, as you recall, we agreed on April 25, 2007, that all employment and service opportunities (hereinafter “Motherhood”) would include required periods of inactivity of at least 12 hours per 24-hour cycle (hereinafter “Sleep”).
MOMMY: OMG. Awesome.
NOT Mrs. Tater: We have noticed that Sleep has been markedly absent from our prior interactions and would appreciate its return.
In addition, as previously discussed, all bodily functions of each party remain that party’s individual responsibility.
This memorandum shall serve as a reminder that all foul moods and waste products are yours to be disposed of and Mother will heretofore bear no responsibility for said articles.
We appreciate your cooperation in these endeavors.
Acknowledged and agreed to on August 1, 2007,
MOMMY: I’m totally putting that on my blog.