Once upon a time, there was a dorky girl who went to high school.
A few years later, there was a reunion. She strangely had fun at events like this, and she was less dorky in recent years, so she decided to head westward to attend the shindig of the year.
Her (awesome, hot, well hung, funny, best ever) husband declined to attend with her AND stated he would keep the tiny toddler tornadocane (TTT) with him, lest the girl get so drunk she forgot and left TTT someplace.
Off the girl flew on wings of Shamu. She found the chariot of Jetta awaiting her upon her arrival. Across the asphalt she flew, sad that she had no CDs to play as the radio stations were so bad.
Arriving at the home of her mommy, Crazy Cat Lady Minus the Cats (CCLMtC), she dressed in the finest apparel designed to say “oh no, I always look casually this awesome”.
Arriving at a winery, she found her favorite libation to be available once again. She filled her (plastic) loving cup to the brim and savored its perfection.
Her companions were a random group, the loud Larry the Cable Guy Replica (LtCGR), the Queen and his husband, the scary smoking lurker (who she thought was mute but was wrong), the staid married couple… Soon they were joined by the Jesus clone drummer and his princess the Lawyer, who became the girl’s BFF as soon as she shared her tasty beverage.
Then the long lost BFF (LLBFF) of the girl appeared round the bend. The girl and the LLBFF had been separated by a beautiful evil witch, who had banned their friendship because the girl possessed no Y chromosome and therefore could not speak to her prince.
After a decade and two children, the beautiful evil witch had disappeared and the LLBFF appeared with a Fugly Troll attired in jeans encrusted by a Ronco Bedazzler. Quickly the LLBFF was engaging the girl in lively conversation. Behind the girl, the Lawyer muttered, “Oh, I don’t like this Bedazzler girl at all.”
After a fashion, the girl pulled the LLBFF aside, and having the gift of prophecy (and a fucking clue) and shared her vision with him.
“You are about 10 minutes away from your girlfriend hating my guts and getting pissed at you.”
The LLBFF laughed and said there was no way, but the girl, again with the gift of prophecy (and a fucking clue) knew better. As they arrived upon their destination, the room of bath, the girl sat atop a plastic chair to await the opening of the room of the bath. She immediately realized her seat had been wet, and now her pants were soaked. She felt like the classiest bitch in town to be sure.
In less than an hour past, the prophecy came true among much cussing and chewing of the ass of the LLBFF and he departed with the fugly bedazzled troll.
The girl continued to cavort with the mates of class, mandated to leave her chariot of Jetta behind as the beverages made her face numb and her vision strange. She was a prize catch, many people vying for the opportunity to whisk her away to the jester’s court of karaoke. Each wanted her to take the last space in their coaches to prevent spending more time in the company of the LtCGR, who by this time was LOUD and DRUNK!
The crew was delighted to find the music awesomely bad and began to drink many beers. Many an off key note were hit.
Needing sustenance, the girl, the Lawyer, the Jesus clone Drummer and two others departed to the late night splendor of the Bitchin’ Kitchen. Before their eyes, LtCGR appeared again. Louder and drunker than before, he proceeded to eat his weight in bacon dipped in a bowl of syrup.
The girl realized her ID and credit card were missing, but knew they would be safe at the jester’s court – nevertheless, the crew took the opportunity to escape LtCGR and loaded up the coach. Before a minute had passed she discovered her mistake – the cards she sought were in her BEWBS!
The crew deposited her at home of CCLWtC and she fell fast asleep.
I think I got lost in all of that, but it sounds like you had fun. That is all that is important. 🙂
RCs last blog post..Memory of Trees
You are such a nut…I love it
Oh that sounds like fun!
Okay, it’s bugging me. Do you have comment moderation on? Because I swear, every time I comment, SOMETHING eats it!
Veronicas last blog post..Astounded
ummmm….I think you had fun. good for you!
Karas last blog post..Things on the burner
I purposely missed my high school reunion, for the same reason I don’t do facebook. If I knew them in high school and actually LIKED THEM I would still be friends with them now.
That is why I only know about 5 people from high school…
Kelleys last blog post..Help a chick out?¢‚Ç¨¬¶
Ahh, I love a happy ending…and a happy story.
Crickets last blog post..Day at the Museum
Sounds like a blast.
Kylas last blog post..For your next self-pitying engagement, might I suggest the World’s Tiniest Violins?
the planet of janet
i’m still laughing at the idea of your cards being lost in the biggest bewbs in blogdom.
sounds like a good time was had by all — except the bedazzled troll, of course.
the planet of janets last blog post..Sinking the friendship
I love it! Sounds like fun, great cast of characters and a kicker of an ending 🙂 Glad you enjoyed yourself.
You are a comic- sounds like you had a wonderful time.
nancis last blog post..How do you do it?
Fun times! 🙂 I like events like that too (minus the troll, of course)…I live so far away from everyone, it’s nice to get together from time to time.
the dragonflys last blog post..Watch Me Grow!
Well all-righty then.
Getting Fucked Up Beyond Recognition (FUBR?¢‚Ç¨‚Ñ¢d) at the wineries. Been there, done that, bout 10 to the power of 3, plus 1.
My buddies know I have a limit. It?¢‚Ç¨‚Ñ¢s right when I start talking in tongues. I?¢‚Ç¨‚Ñ¢ve gotten WAY better. There was a time I use to hang out with the thorazine boyz in front the liquor store. They were the only people who REALLY understood me. Really.
Me: ?¢‚Ç¨?ìYo dude, you got a cigarette??¢‚Ç¨¬ù
Dude: ?¢‚Ç¨?ìI don?¢‚Ç¨‚Ñ¢t KNOW, you TELL ME, DO I got a cigarette??¢‚Ç¨¬ù
Audubon Rons last blog post..The Conventions, What Does It All Mean?
Always good to be able to turn reunion characters into blog-fodder 🙂
Sounds like a total blast darlin’ , so glad you had a good time.
Kristens last blog post..Still here.
The last time I went to the wineries I was in my early 30’s..and we took a bus. I know that I became a mean, horny drunk and I can no longer listen to Meatloaf w/out cringing..although I don’t know why.
I had a rough time following your story but I know it was in code so it couldn’t be googled. I got most of it though.. 🙂
MPs last blog post..Slacker Central
You make me look forward to my 10th….if I actually find out about that one. Sounds like a good time.
SO glad I got to be there virtually.
VDogs last blog post..There. I Said It.
Wait, this happened when??? 😉
Rees last blog post..This is a Rant
i think i just got this. holy acronyms… but, i know bewbs when i see them!
livs last blog post..open letter to a 71.5 month old child
Anglophile Football Fanatic
Wow. That sounds so much more fun than the one I went to a few years back. My whole class turned into doctors and lawyers. My BFF and I felt like fools for being SAHMs.
Beth from the Funny Farm
What a great post about a reunion. Sounds like you were the hit of the party!
Beth from the Funny Farms last blog post..Barrel Racing and the Emergency Room
kinda makes me wish i hadn’t blown off my reunion last month!
shers last blog post..i feel love
That sounds exactly like what would happen if I were to go to one of my reunions. I won’t, because I like my head unconfused and my pants unbedazzled.
Burgh Babys last blog post..Big Head, Big Heart
OMG, I have a hangover just reading this!
Christines last blog post..More from the Peanut Gallery (or, Peanut Allergies Suck)
Serenity Now Sunday – October 11, 2009 | Room 704
[…] I launch into a story about my ill fucking fated class reunion last year. And I open the wine. Because Rachel was tipsy and to tell this story and save her in her […]
Bwahaha. Love the storytelling style. I guess my 15th will be coming up next year. Theoretically. Heh. [they held the 10th in the 11th year. Yeah.]