When I was in grad school, I was the Recruitment Adviser for my sorority. They were in a rough patch and they decided the way to air their feelings was through one of those fishbowl activities where they sat in a circle and tossed a bear around – whoever had the bear got to talk.
Some members were feeling excluded, overlooked, unimportant. It happens. One of the seniors, who really, was so funny and such a nut, and … now that I think of it …. she was exactly like Victoria. Heh.
So this girl says, “Look, the four of us (meaning she and her 3 BFFs) are very close, we are – but there’s no reason it can’t be “the five of us” or “the forty-five of us” and I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel left out.”
That has stuck with me. I’m not the best at pulling others into my secure circle – I need a damn tshirt to advertise to the world “it could be ‘just the five of us'”
***thought shift***
I was bugged a couple weeks ago when a bunch of peeps got to go to Disney for a weekend.
By bugged, I mean, ragingly jealous. I’ll totes admit that – I would have LOVED to take my kid and my hubs to Florida for a weekend. Oh, and of course learned a lot of stuff. And met new people.
But there was more to it than that. There have been at least three trips, one conference, and some HUGE company giveaways/loaners recently. Now, my understanding is that sponsors/companies reached out to these bloggers – there was no announcement, application and selection – there was no pool of applicants or volunteers ….
… it SEEMS that I see the same names going to these really freaking cool invite only functions. Like a group got picked by company A, so when company B decides to do the same thing, they check out who company A invited and pick them.
Which hey, they are paying the bill so CLEARLY they can do what they want. And the people they are choosing to go to these things? effing awesome. I mean, it’s not like I’m looking down on any of them – they rawk and have worked their asses off to be noticed for good things.
My ‘but’ is … and this goes back to the opening of this rather random post … by companies doing the hand selecting, they will forever keep their pool of knowledge to “just the four” when really, I *think* there’s a lot to be said for a knowledge pool of “just the five of us” or “just the forty-five of us” … and the companies are short changing all of us when they hand pick. The networking that goes on at these events is frequently the most important part. I can prove it – look at Room 704 – the blog that originated as a room party and now won’t shut up – without skipping a session and gabbing nonstop for a couple hours about the possibilities of a new blog – 704 wouldn’t exist – which would suck, because I’m thrilled about that whole jobjob every day.
I wonder what other awesome could happen if the knowledge pool got larger ….
57 Comments
VDog
Right. Fucking. On.
Loralee
Amen.
I just figure I will suck and never get asked. That way it keeps the green eyed monster under control. Mostly.
Heh
Loralees last blog post..Because animated or not, it?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s still a totally traumatic dream, ok?
Al_Pal
Great post.
melissa
well said and i couldn’t agree more. it’s a bit of a popularity contest. but i just keep the jealousy in check by reminding myself why i blog. which is, for the love of writing and to remember the beautiful and the ugly of each day of my life. and if it happens, then it happens. if it doesn’t, i’m still writing in my blog. because it’s part of the air i breathe.
melissas last blog post..Breast Is Not Necessarily Best. There, I Said It. Now Bite Me.
Adrienne
A-frikkin-men.
ALthough I did just get invited to something, but they are not paying my air fare or anything.
Adriennes last blog post..#getoffmylawn*
Karen MEG
That was awesome.
Yes, same pretty (awesome, agreed) names seem to show up…something I can’t even dream about it.
Love 704 BTW, even though in my old age I keep forgetting to check back in.
Karen MEGs last blog post..Busted
Maternal Mirth
I think I love you :o)
Maternal Mirths last blog post..’Hygiene’ Has Become a Dirty Word.
Amazing Greis
I’m not a MOM so I’ll NEVER be picked for anything. In this world of 11 Mom’s and Frigidaire Mom’s, etc. Us single, blogging, non mom’s have no chance. How about an 11 Single Never Been Married Woman’s group? I’d be all in on that! LOL
I totally agree with your post. It’s always the same ladies doing the fun stuff, Lets share the wealth BIG marketing PR people!!!
Amazing Greiss last blog post..In Memory of…
Miss Grace
Well said. Especially if I end up getting sent somewhere someday because of this thinking.
Miss Graces last blog post..When crippling anxiety keeps me from writing
Sandi
I’m so out of it, I didn’t even know there was a group. I think that may be better than knowing and wishing I was part of it. I think I’ll keep my newbie head in the sand until Blogher.
Sandis last blog post..Cheaters and other idiots
Veronica
Yes. This. Also, it only seems to be US companies and US bloggers picked. Which hey, fine, no one is going to pay for airfares from Oz, but still. There are lots of great mums and great blogs out there that aren’t in that circle.
Veronicas last blog post..In the post
Kyla
Excellent point!
Kylas last blog post..Happy Mother’s Day
catnip
Very well said.
catnips last blog post..other people?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s gardens
Amo
I’m the top blogger in this house and that’s all that matters. 😉
Ree
Hallelujah. I want to open-mouth kiss you for writing this.
Rees last blog post..My 401(k) better hurry up and recover
Karla | modern media mom
couldn’t agree more.
I sort of touched on this a couple of weeks ago on Twitter and Facebook and I know I struck a nerve with ppl who had been on these trips, but I *really* wanted to know the benefit to these companies to have the same handful of ppl over and over and over and over.
Thanks for discussing this in the open!
Karla | modern media moms last blog post..Headlines for May 12th, 2009 from 8:28 AM to 8:42 AM
Heather, Queen of Shake Shake
Yeah, I was feeling all spiritual and HIGHER MEANING about this influential blog stuff. And then? I read about nine bloggers (one I know also went to DW) getting a trip to Sea World too.
That right there? Made me want to eat cat turds out of the litter box in jealousy. In order to stop myself, I tell myself you probably can’t take your family to Sea World either and no way would I step foot in that place without my marine science genius boy.
Jen
No matter what the big companies do I think its awesome the way you 704 girls do it. You completely pulled me in without my hardly having to ask, and trust me I was prepared to beg. I may not get to go on an all-expense paid trip anytime in the future but I’m making some AWESOME friends.
Jens last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts – Holy Shitto Batman
Charity (AKA Virtue IMC)
Ladies,
I have to say that I’m on the other side of the fence – please don’t lynch me! But I’ve decided that I wanted to help rather than hinder.
I’ve started a datebase of women – and not necessarily just mom-bloggers – that media & companies can reach out to for feedback. My hope is to create opportunities for all women across the board. If its a product review or media inquiry – it goes out to all that meet the parameters for them to make contact. As I receive requests, I’ll email you to let you know! Easy as that. While I’m not tied to the big companies, I do receive media inquiries from time to time that I can’t source.
So here’s what I need from you to include you:
Name, email, blog url, children’s ages, interests
One Marketer Trying to Make it “Equitable”…
Charity (AKA Virtue IMC)s last blog post..Do as I say?¢‚Ǩ¬¶
TexasRed
I agree that the best situation would be if marketers and organizers reach out to a variety of bloggers. I also understand that getting the contact information for people who aren’t already on contact lists can be daunting.
Kudos to Charity for reaching out to put together this information. I’ve also had good experience with other well-known book bloggers who have compiled lists for publishers / publicists as a backup when their reading pile is too full to take on another project.
TexasReds last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Missouri Straight-Line Winds
TexasRed
I think the key to keeping the circle open is going to be each of us reaching out to the bloggers around us who have less experience to encourage the next “generation” (spoken as a relative newbie who is just now realizing there are bloggers I can help out).
TexasReds last blog post..Progress on Wedding Wall Hanging
Clair
Awesome post. I’d kind of come to feel like, because my readership isn’t large enough or my stats aren’t good enough or I’m not a mom, my opinion doesn’t really count. Let’s spread the opportunities around a little. Only good things can come of it.
Clairs last blog post..Maybe lifting bricks would be easier
Coast Rat
Yeah, the selection process sounds pretty hokey!
Coast Rats last blog post..HAPPY MOTHER?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢S DAY and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEETHEART!
Colleen - Mommy Always Wins
May the Internet Gods find you via this post and choose you as their new leader. In addition to the ambrosia and grapes they’ll feed you, your only responsibility will be to hand select who gets what bloggity-perk.
You’d so rock at that job!
Colleen – Mommy Always Winss last blog post..For the love of laundry
Zoeyjane
Agreed, I love some of the people getting chosen for these programs and stuff, but part of me is all, where’s the love? Not that I’ve got much to love, but my point was yeah. Got it and agree.
Zoeyjanes last blog post..On Marketing a Mini Me
Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children
I’ve been trying to write a post to talk about this very issue, but it always sounds whiny and critical.
THIS! THIS post is what I want to say. You haven’t said anything whiny or critical. You’ve done a great job of asking the question, putting it in perspective.
On the flip side, I was recently invited by a local PR firm to go for a weekend with my family to the Smokies. It was so random how this PR firm found me, I can’t imagine what the work involved getting noticed by the Disney/Johnson&Johnson/Walmart/Fridgedaire….PR folks.
On another flip side, I’m excited to be going on my little trip to the Smokies and would love to be included in a Disney/Johnson&Johnson/Walmart/Fridgedaire…trip one day, but I don’t want to become the blogger that only writes about trips and reviews the free shit they always get. I still want to write personal stories, I still want to be what mommybloggers were back in the olden days of Aught Seven.
Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for childrens last blog post..I might as well just go ahead and sell my uterus in the garage sale
the planet of janet
amen, sister.
the planet of janets last blog post..Richard Gere wasn’t even there!
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah
I think life would be better if everyone was as smart as you.
I love this post.
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarahs last blog post..Okay, But Your Grammar Could Use Some Work
Mrs. F
High fives all around for a great post. I love your thoughts.
Now somebody needs to invite me to something before I die of jealousy!
Mrs. Fs last blog post..We Lived Extra Large Last Night—Well, Our Tummies Did, Anyway
Shannanb aka Mommy Bits
Once again, a rockin’ post! There are TONS of bloggers out there and I think sometimes, rather than do research or engage with the community before selecting – they just think – well if XYZ company picked them, they must be perfect for us.
Also, sometimes I think it just happens completely at random.
Please note I am not saying anything bad about the bloggers – my commentary is directed at the PR /Marketing Peeps.
Shannanb aka Mommy Bitss last blog post..Creating Badge / Button For Your Blog
Mommentator
Well, you know what I said about it. I went on a private rant with annoyed profanity. And clearly these good ladies above know wuz up. I love reading those other folks posts. But, if there truly is room for this growing community, some considerations need to be given to awesome chicks like KaiserMommy. And others…
Mommentators last blog post..A purpose comes in funny ways.
Scout's Honor
Right there with you, my friend.
I always feel like a bridesmaid, but never a bride…
I’m with Jennifer about not wanting to sound whiny and jealous, but I always wonder why it’s the same cool kids invited to the birthday parties and sadly not me {sniffle}.
Scout’s Honors last blog post..Got Kindle? Add a Side of Wasabi, My Friends
Jessica-Jessica Knows
I couldn’t agree with you more. I think what it comes down to is people learning to say no to stay true to their brand. I wrote a post about this recently. http://bit.ly/justsayno
As a blogger who is asked to do a lot, I’ve learned to say no if it’s not a fit and what I try to do is suggest another blogger who would be a great fit to go in my place (and one that isn’t going on a lot of these trips too, but maybe should).
That’s also a huge reason why I wrote my series 15 days of marketing on my blog and why I launched Buzz Cooperative. So that the bloggers could pitch the brands. And when I’m involved with a campaign that needs a few more bloggers, I try to reach outside that circle and grab someone who is not only a great fit, but who is going to rock it because they don’t have a million other projects, trips, campaigns going on.
I hear you on the Disney and SeaWorld trips though, would love to go on one of those.
Jessica-Jessica Knowss last blog post..Reporters Desperate for a Story: Prey for Post
Jessica-Jessica Knows
Also, I’d like to add that we’re seeing one group of moms get a lot of the same trips and campaigns because the agency that is managing their large campaign has a vested interest in their branding of said group. The agency also has relationships (a lot who are clients) with lots of consumer product companies. So if they’re getting paid by multiple brands for their services, why wouldn’t they keep asking the same group over again, saves time and money from the agency standpoint. And when an agency is saving time and money? It means more money in their bonus checks.
Am I a former member of that “group”.
Perhaps.
Now that I stepped down do I get asked to do a lot of those? No.
However, I believe everything happens for a reason and I’m happy with the choices I’ve made.
I think we’re going to see more of this in the future.
It’s kind of like America’s Next Top Model and Cover Girl. Unless you’re already a bonafide celebrity, the only way you’re becoming a new Cover Girl is if you audition AND win America’s Next Top Model.
ANTM and Cover Girl are partners. And so are a lot of brands and agencies.
Jessica-Jessica Knowss last blog post..Reporters Desperate for a Story: Prey for Post
Maria
I think the pool will expand when agencies realize that people get burned out on seeing the same crew hitting events again and again. Even if those gals stay true to their voices and do EVERYTHING right, jealousy and resentment is inevitable, and doesn’t inspire purchases.
Marias last blog post..Girl Talk Thursday – terrible TV
Mama Bub
You know, I have NO RIGHT to even be jealous of these women. I have been blogging for about five minutes and my influence doesn’t even extend to the end of the block, BUT, I do experience a huge spike of jealousy every time I read about another opportunity and it’s very, very validating to know that I’m not alone.
Mama Bubs last blog post..The making of an obsession
amy2boys
Hello! New commenter who saw this link on Twitter (I think Jessica tweeted it). I’ve not been jealous of “the big perk bloggers” but sort of saw it as potential if I ever decided to try to go there with my blog.
However, I’m getting tons of requests now. I’ve done one trip (it sounded lame but was actually pretty fascinating) and I get all these offers – “I’ll give you stuff and if you like it, please write about it.” (So far, the PR people have been laid back like that.)
I’ve rejected most things because I lacked a personal policy on this stuff! I’m developing one and it will be trial and error I’m sure. My big connundrum now is seperate review blog or incorporate into my posts.
Never thought I’d have to deal with any of this. BUT I do believe it will spread around. Based on my one trip, PR ppl are figuring out what to do with us. This is early times and it will evolve. They will begin to see niches among “mommy bloggers” rather than seeing mommy bloggers as the niche. I think it will splinter and spread around.
And it will always be tons of work to get noticed!
amy2boyss last blog post..Pool Bag Makeover
Her Bad Mother
I’ve been invited to stuff. I’ve not been invited to stuff. There are plenty of well-known bloggers that don’t get invited to stuff. It’s kind of random, in my opinion – although I think that you’re right that over the last year or so it’s become a bit repetitive.
End of the day, I think, we all have to ask ourselves why we’re doing it. Is it for the trips (or loaners – yep, have been loaned big-ticket stuff)? Or is it for the writing and the community? I feel you TOTALLY on this, Alex, but I also wish FERVENTLY that we could all – myself included – peel our eyeballs away from the marketing frenzy that’s going on around us. There’s so much more to all this. Which is why your sorority story is kinda perfect – it SHOULD be the five or 45 or 45,000 of us, just not necessarily on a Disney Cruise. What we write here, build here, is bigger than a Disney Cruise.
Although a cruise *would* be nice. *SHAKES HEAD*
I’d rather have the friendships and the space to write and the COMMUNITY.
Also, the vibrators.
Her Bad Mothers last blog post..(No) Money Changes Everything
MorethanMommy
I think it’s perfectly natural to be jealous that we aren’t getting invited to cool places. I have friends and family who are jealous of the things I do get out of my job and the freedom I have. I am OK that I am not being invited – yet – because, although I have been blogging since the beginning of time, the blogs that I maintain now are relatively new.
What I don’t understand is why these major companies wouldn’t want their own spokespeople/focus groups/whatever? There are plenty of high quality blogs that would become high-traffic blogs with a little bit of media dust from a major company. I find it confusing to figure out who is representing each brand and I am sensing more than a little backlash about seeing the same faces over and over again. Even I read about the newest group and roll my eyes to say, “Oh, her again. Of course.” If companies are truly interested in authentic voices and representation, they’ll learn pretty quickly that choosing unique candidates is the best way to get it.
Jenny from Mommin' It Up!
Well said, friend! Can I be one of the names on the back of your t-shirt?? xoxo
Jenny from Mommin’ It Up!s last blog post..When did WE become the grown ups?
Meredith from Merchant Ships
Found this discussion via Twitter, as well.
I’ve been blogging for a while. While I have as much traffic as a blogger could reasonably hope for, I’ve never even been *approached* for a fabulous spa/hotel/tour/trip.
Granted–it doesn’t help that I blog about not buying stuff, but I do know that feeling of not even being invited to the party.
Hope this little bit of perspective helps someone who is wondering “Why not me?”
Meredith from Merchant Shipss last blog post..Library Bag: Children’s Gardening
kim/hormone-colored days
It’s not only that the same group of women get asked on many of these trips, it’s that many of the same white women show up time after time. I am surprised that big companies aren’t working harder to connect to a more diverse group. (I’m white, BTW.)
Walmart is America’s number one retailer; what consumer products company is going to walk away from a chance to connect with “their” moms?
I am hoping that these same companies realize that blog hits and influence are not the same thing.
kim/hormone-colored dayss last blog post..Gifted
Megan {Velveteen Mind}
I was recently picked by Disney to go to Disney. Wahoo! Because it was the first time I’ve ever been included in one of those trips. No, our trip didn’t include our families, but I was still excited because of the networking, exactly like you said.
When I got picked, my first thought was, “I am going to show them that I am kick ass and that they should have been picking me all along.” Because you know what, I am and they should, but for whatever reason, I don’t usually flit into their field of vision.
The result? I never once heard anyone mutter “Dud pick.” when I was around. 😉
I’m all for a larger pool. Because an ass this size needs a water park.
Megan {Velveteen Mind}s last blog post..Will You Hit Your Saturation Point Before Your Tipping Point?
Mary@Everyday Baby Steps
Wow! Thanks for having the guts to publish this post; not many would. This is such new territory, and there are various opinions on the subject. I appreciate Jessica’s Smith’s information, as this is something I had wondered about. And it does make sense. Hopefully, with time, there will be opportunities for all of us who work hard at our craft. I feel quite blessed with the opportunities I’ve been given thus far and feel that the more I put myself out there, the more I’ll receive. I applaud you for really putting yourself out there!
Mary@Everyday Baby Stepss last blog post..I Was Featured at The Blogrollers!
Stephanie
I LOVE Catherine’s (herbadmother) comment! I agree completely (except for the vibrators part. If you know me, you know why! *BLUSH* )
Steph
Stephanies last blog post..Sugar And Spice
Meagan Francis
MoreThanMommy, I could not agree more with you. By narrowing the pool and very carefully selecting a smaller number of candidates, they could put more resources into having a few strong messages rather than a more diluted message that’s too spread out to be effective. Reading about a great trip or company or service on one powerhouse blog or by one great writer is, to me, VERY influential. Reading about the same product, service, or trip from 20 different bloggers/twitterers just turns me off–brand fatigue.
Meagan Franciss last blog post..Is ?¢‚Ǩ?ìhappy?¢‚Ǩ¬ù a four-letter word?
Redneck Mommy
I’m never included in the free junkets or give aways.
PR companies shy away from me.
I can’t understand it.
Must have something to do with all the vibrators and rotational boob talk I’ve got going on.
One thing is for certain though, regardless of whether or not I ever become visible to a PR firm, I’m so thrilled to be part of this community and to have met women like you.
(And not just cuz you have a great rack either.)
Redneck Mommys last blog post..Custom Delivery
Karen
I hear you on this one. My fatal flaw is that I’m not JUST a Mommy blogger, or JUST a book blogger, or JUST a food blogger, etc. I blog about everything that makes me ME. So I don’t really fit into any of the established groups out there. But you know what, that’s OK. Sure, I’d love a free family trip to Disney or a kitchen full of new appliances, but I never considered my blog more than just a way to make connections to others. Every now and then I get a free book or a sample of a product, and I think that’s pretty cool. It’ll have to suffice.
Karens last blog post..Link Link Link
oh amanda
I’m here from twitter, too.
I got to go on the Disney trip and it wasn’t b/c I was hooked up into 11 moms (I’ll say it.) or b/c I have big traffic (I’ve never had more than 10,000 hits/month) or b/c I’m bffs with some bloggy superstar.
I’m pretty sure I just was faithful with something, or wrote one thing that made someone smile. Or maybe I was just filling the spot of B-list mommy blogger.
Point being: You never know. Your inbox might have an invite now. Everybody’s just a normal person. And the girls I met on the trip? They might have a few more bloggy perks than I’ve had…but still they were normal. And pumped to get a Disney trip. Just like you’d be.
(Did that come across snarky? I hope not. I really mean it as an encouragement. I was SHOCKED to be chosen.)
oh amandas last blog post..A Retro Photo: It?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s Just Not Mine
Mrs. Flinger
I’m reading these comments and I’m seeing my friends and their ideals and perspective and I realize THIS is why I’m here. Catherine, Tanis, Megan, Jenny, etc etc etc People I’ve read for ever and met in person and loved “For long time” are here supporting you and us and the community at large. There are friends here that I can’t wait to meet in BlogHer.
I think the part of this possibly brings “us” closer because while we are not traipsing around the world at large, we are understanding and enjoying the community. I would hope if (if) I ever got invited to something I would not forget that portion.
I know of bloggers who keep their heads on their shoulder, get to do fun stuff, but remember why they are here. As long as that is in place, great.
Now for the marketers to offer up the possibility and we’ll be set, yes?
(P.S. “Although a cruise *would* be nice. *SHAKES HEAD*
I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d rather have the friendships and the space to write and the COMMUNITY.
Also, the vibrators.”
Fucking LOVE ME SOME HBM!!!)
Mrs. Flingers last blog post..Social Media Expert: A resume of the birthday boy