Since I’m single and not exactly in a hotbed of male activity, the question has come up more than once. Frequently accompanied by “so and so met her husband that way”.
I think it confuses people that I’m so “online” yet resist online dating.
I’ve always hated the bars, the meat market, the feeling of having to sell myself.
Over Christmas Break, I sat in front of one of the sites and scrolled though available options. Just about broke out in hives just from the looking. It felt skeevy and wrong.
This is one of those times where my gut pings no-no-no. I’m content to listen.
Then my therapist gave me the challenge of being open to opportunities, getting out of the house, trying new things.
Last night Alex and I went to Amanda’s house and he was in little boy heaven playing Wii with her boys. I met Amanda* who puts dirty words on fine china and makes buttons with Firefly and Dr Who references. They baked vegan cookies. I met the daughter of my 6th grade art teacher and we both had that “ooo weird small world” feeling. I met the girl who ALSO spent Christmas watching Leverage commentaries. The girl from the art store was there. They have sweet stuff. There was the guy and girl having a baby – who were super into gardening – which is something that fascinates me, but looks like work. (Says the girl who used a hand saw to cut hard wood to finish the flooring project.)
I had a great night. I left the yellow house a little better for the conversation and the people I met.
There’s what I need right now. People. Opportunities. I have someone tucked back in a corner of my heart, I might look at that again someday. Today and for the next little while, Alex and I are busy doing new things and shoring up this new existence. No compatibility profile needed.
** two hours after I hit post, I realized 2 things – this post is all about not trying online dating – and I met Amanda on Twitter. Second – it didn’t occur to me to mention that detail when I wrote this. Weird.
Oh God woman – you & I are in the EXACT same place!
I met MY husband online…but I was 13 and that was in the pre-to catch a predator days. 😉
I’ve done the online dating thing. While there were some good dates(and boyfriends), there were also heartbreaking results in some cases and hilarity in others.
Opportunity is great! Getting out is great! Concentrate on being happy and healing and when it’s right, you’ll be ready.
Adventure itself is almost as sexy as a man. Also, adventure doesn’t get bad breath. #deepthoughts
Well, I met David online. That worked out in a shockingly perfect way. But let me tell ya – I did it only because of urging from a friend who said I should date after being with the same dude for 11 years. I looked through all the online profiles that came up on match….and then I looked again and again and found TWO that I had some interest in. TWO out of hundreds. Picky is my middle name. Anyway, I found David out of that and, god, I can’t tell you how amazing the chemistry is there.
I’m just saying – be as picky as you want. You don’t have to date a bunch. If you know what you want – or even have a sense – and are ready, it will happen.
But still, even thought it worked out for me and I know many others in the same boat, I can’t tell you to DO IT. It’s a good way to meet people – better than meeting someone in a bar IMO – but it won’t work if you’re not open to it.
My gut says online dating isn’t right for me either, which is completely befuddling to my friends. Potential dates – and lot of other fun stuff – come out of all sorts of people and opportunities that happen off the internet. Have fun exploring them!
I met Dave on Match, but… well. We know how happily THAT’S ended, don’t we?
I met someone today who told me that I need to try out some site called Plenty of Fish. Which was sweet of her to say, but… no. I’m nowhere near being ready.
I did the free test thing on eharmony….mostly for fun. Now that I think about it, it was a little weird, I was instant messaging an ex at the time (he was taking it too). Anyway, I digress. After spending FOREVER filling out the questionnaire, eharmony did this little “let’s see who you are matched to”; it came back with an answer of……no one. Not one single match in the entire US. I did visit chat rooms (you know the majority of that story). Met some new people. Had some fun. It got me out in the world, which I probably needed. I am in favor of new opportunities, getting out and trying new things. Have some fun being the person you have become. 🙂