I went through some stuff this summer, I was in a place in life I had been before, and I could not believe I was back in that awful place, my life a wreck and I did not understand why I was being taught these lessons yet again.

I escaped here and there from the reality of my situation, but finally what got me through was admitting the hard truths of my life, out loud, to the walls of my house, focusing on the exact thing I wanted to avoid.

Focus focus focus.

It still works. I am learning that when I most want to avoid, when all I want to do is dream of my pretty perfect future, thinking of what I want more than anything …. The best thing I can do is focus on exactly where I am …

Tonight I am alone on my couch. My smart, sensitive, beautiful son is asleep in his fire truck bed that was made by my two people. My living room is clean. My kitchen is not quite. I have a stack of hats that need photographed and listed in my shop if I want to actually make a go of my independent life.

My life is not exactly as I want, there are missing pieces, but by knowing where I am, naming where I am on this rainy night, I know I am on my way forward to … Somewhere.