Continuing to belt Keep Holding On. I got up today with the words from a friend on my heart Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.” – Mary Anne Radmacher I faced my principal and explained my situation with Alex on some mornings. As soon as she realized I meant SOME mornings and not EVERY morning she was fine… Read More
This was never my plan. See also: Scared.
I was supposed to be at work at 9am. My first day back in a school since Alex was born. My first day as a single mom living on my own doing the juggle of parenting and working. (This was never my plan.) Alex stayed at Mom’s so this morning was easier. Before I left he told me he didn’t want me to go. Because he would be sad. I.. Read More
This Post is In Progress (and very long)
I had therapy today. 3rd session. The first therapy visit was a good foundation laying. The second was funny because when we talked about the Dude, she was so intrigued by the connection between us and so into the potential between us and the work I was doing that I thought for a while that he must be going to see her too. Which brings us today. Where she played.. Read More
Kindness
I said I would share how I got to the other side. The whole learning to like myself thing. Along the way, I have learned to be kind. I have learned to practice empathy. The empathy lessons came from Brene Brown’s book I Thought It Was Just Me. Those lessons helped me when I got shat upon from The Dude’s ex. A month later when the 13 year old had.. Read More
What I Believe
I mentioned that I like myself yeah? In my comments, someone asked if I could teach them how to get here. Well, I don’t know that I can, but I can try over the next while here to attempt. So Imma start with God. Nononononono, please don’t stop reading. Please. I’m not here to convert you or tell you that anything you believe isn’t absolutely valid. Please read. I believe.. Read More
I like myself
There. I said it. I debated saying it, wondering if it would sound too arrogant and you might roll your eyes at me like Zooey does. I got married six years ago tonight. Tonight, Scout and I wished each other Happy First Unanniversary. I’m sorry we were not right for being married to each other, and the trip out over the 4th just reaffirmed that. But damn, I’m glad we.. Read More
And Then What?
One of the books I’m reading encourages playing the “And Then What?” game when we feel afraid. Tonight I am going to HP7P2. I went to HP7P1 with the Dude and the heathens at Christmas. The day I threw the Dude out of my house it was because of the final straw of him taking that tatted up whore to see The Hangover when I had specifically asked him if.. Read More
Preparing
I named this three times before deciding “preparing” was right. I started with “Growing” then “Waiting”. I am preparing. I am preparing my home. I am making this home mine. Alex gets a little say, but really, this is my space and I’m so thrilled with the chance to create my own space. I am letting go of what I don’t need. Which will result in you seeing some photos.. Read More
For Zooey
I have excellent friends. You know this – you are one of them. Zooey was my first “adult” friend. As in the first friend I made as a post college grad, on my own terms, friend. Zooey was married (still is) to probably my polar opposite. The first I knew of him was a hyena cackle coming from the kitchen at work after he put a burrito in the microwave.. Read More
How Bad It Got
Now that I am on the other side of the grief – lemme tell you . . . it got bad. There is a post sitting in my drafts where I would just pour out all the sadness and hit save and walk away. I don’t know if I will ever open it to read. I have another post where I saved each comment from facebook and twitter from my.. Read More
Cleaning House
I’m not saying my gut work or my listening work or my forgiveness work is done, but I think I have learned the hard lessons, the basic lessons. The next part is to work on some clearing out of the old. Which for me will very much take shape as literally cleaning house. I have too much shit. Too many projects. Too much clutter. Everyone who has ever lived with.. Read More
My Center
I have had times in my life where I have felt a perfect peace. And shortly after I have had my world fall apart. I’ve always been a little bitter about that – Like oh thanks world, let me be happy and then fuck me over. So when I found myself on the other side, I was naturally suspicious. I enjoyed the feeling of being stable and centered. And.. Read More
On the Other Side
after listening to my gut, I kept driving east. i had an unfamiliar feeling i was okay i didn’t love each and every thing about my life but i. was. okay. OKAY DAMMIT. i have found the other side. where i am enough. where other things and other people are blessings and i am enough. i. am. enough. I AM ENOUGH!!!