Originally posted July 30, 2007

Sara kept telling me I should start a blog.

In the middle of the night of the first few weeks of Baby Kaiser?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s world, I started reading them constantly. I don?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t even know where I got started. It might have been here while I tried to figure out if it was normal that I couldn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t put my boy down and have him stay asleep. I know I ended up here because I read it from beginning to present, alternately laughing and crying, and in the end learned just where I could put a few choice judgmental opinions I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d been carrying around. And if that one wasn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t enough, then certainly this was enough.

I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d had the blog for a while, mostly to keep my shit together in the final weeks of baby incubation, and to entertain my friends with my stellar, unmatched humor.

But I got knocked off my pedestal by her, who knocks it out of the park every time and makes me think I should just close up my snark shop for good. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ve professed my undying admiration for her, and then made the blog public and quit lurking so much and actually commented some. Ya?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ll can blame her.

I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d be remiss if I didn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t throw my link love to the Big Bad Bloggy Daddies. You let me see into what this whole mess of parenthood looks like from my husband?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s eyes, something that I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m sure saves him from the wrath of the mom on a daily basis.

And of course PDub who lets her awesome freak flag fly from the prairie.

There?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s more, but this is how my google reader and I have been rolling for a while. This whole stay at home gig combined with the newness of mommyhood combined with the move to the land of vices would have been so lonely without ya?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ll. You make me laugh and let me know I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m not the only one in my jams at 120 in the afternoon with someone else?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s drool on my shoulder, not sleeping through the night, but totally keeping myself awake when exhausted just so I can gaze at the cuteness that is that is the Baby Kaiser. You give me courage to go try new things, because if it fails, I at least have a funny (hopefully) story to tell, in an attempt to say thanks for the smiles you?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ve given me.

And on that note, it?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s time to go get covered in little boy pee again.

Originally posted July 27, 2007

To anyone giving me dirty looks in the grocery while I was holding my vocally crabby infant and pushing his stroller: Yes, I know it looks stupid, Yes, I know he?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s annoying to listen to, I know this because I spend several hours a day listening to it. You get to go home. Blow me.

To the woman in the awesome dress with her daughter in a wrap, who was chatting with a random stranger (In one of those conversations all new parents get stuck in with strangers), thank you for not rolling your eyes at my predicament and acting superior b/c you were baby wearing and I was not. I forgot my wrap at home which is what caused the predicament in the first place. I am one of you.

To the man who came around me in the self check out to see the vocally crabby infant and then joke with me ?¢‚Ǩ?ìare you going to feed him that sushi??¢‚Ǩ¬ù: Dude, do I LOOK like I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m in a mood or position to joke. I think not. Help me scan my groceries, or get them out of the bottom of the stroller while trying to not lose my balance while my son filets my face with his fingernails. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ll love you forever. But thank you for saying as you walked away that he?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s cute as a button. I wish you would have led with that, you would have gotten the thank you that etiquette owed you.

To the cashier who wouldn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t stop talking to her friend when my card was failing and the check out said ?¢‚Ǩ?ìwait for cashier?¢‚Ǩ¬ù. Who kept talking to her friend when I pushed the call button. Who finally walked over when the pissy laser beam mom eye glare burned a hole through her and got her attention: fuck off. I DID press CREDIT you biatch. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m out of high school, undergraduate and graduate school. Don?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t look at me like that because I procreated, and I won?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t report you to your boss that you SUCK at your job.

To my boy – who managed to laugh for me in the midst of all of this. A new sound from his little self. Thank you. You always make me glad you are around JUST at the moment I contemplate praying for gypsies to kidnap you.

Wanna find me live? Head to Sarcastic Mom and help determine the future of my hair.

Originally posted July 7, 2007

So Aunt Flo has come to visit again. Now, typically I can get by the first day without having to really address the issue – I mean I don?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t have to stop going commando.

Well apparently this one is different. Apparently this one decided t come on immediately. Which I didn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t know until about 11pm when I got off the bed and saw a spot. This is after I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d gotten strawberry juice on the bed anyway. Hotel cleaning service is gonna love me.

Now it?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s at this time that I realize all my pads etc are in some storage bin in some part of town. I remember being in my bathroom before we moved, looking at my stash going, eh, might as well pack that, I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m sure that period I got a few weeks ago was just a fluke, what are the chances that me being irregular AND breast feeding are going to yield a period before we get moved in?

Apparently just enough to fuck with me at 11pm when there?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s no way I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m waking up Tiny Baby Kaiser to go to the store.

So I remedy the situation with a breast pad in the pants and feel quite smart.

Until I wake up the next morning, sit up to pump and promptly make a spot on the bed the size of?¢‚Ǩ¬¶ well it?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s large.

At this point it occurs to me that the better choice for absorbency in an emergency might have been all the DIAPERS rather than a pad the size of a nipple that?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s not really made for this sort of thing.

Yeah.

So to just make today even better?¢‚Ǩ¬¶. I haul ass out of here to go to the store to get actual pads. Now I recently read a post on another blog that made me not want to buy Always. I also didn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t feel like I needed a woman diaper, so I opted against Kotex. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m not quite up to trying tampons after Alex – the geography has changed enough that I don?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t want to play that game quite yet. So Carefree. Yeah. My mom used to use Carefree, this seemed like a good choice. I didn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t want a femme diaper so I got ?¢‚Ǩ?ìmedium coverage?¢‚Ǩ¬ù This seemed like a great choice.

Um yeah. It?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s a fucking pantiliner. I have 96 ?¢‚Ǩ?ìmedium coverage?¢‚Ǩ¬ù pads that are pantiliners. Don?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t let the packaging fool you. It?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s a liner. It doesn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t say this anywhere on the box. But it?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s a liner.

Oh yeah. This day is just *awesome*.

Originally posted June 25, 2007.

Scout is up and at the office. This is the longest since Alex ws born that I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ve been in charge of him – all but 30 minutes since last night at 1030. We?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢re doing okay. I don?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t get much done bc of the whol ?¢‚Ǩ?ìI won?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t sleep if you aren?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t with me?¢‚Ǩ¬ù thing. But I got decent sleep, got breakfast, went on walk to grocery store, still need lunch, have updated my budget, approved offer on house purchase, and been taking notes on alex?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s sleeping today. So not all bad.

Oh, decided to give him water in his bottle part of the time. My milk supply is way low and I can?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t afford to have him nipping little ounces here and there only to run out at 4am (like this morning). My plan was to pump a lot today to get my supply bck up. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ve done okay but I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m still behind.

Later:
Oh it got ugly today. I wasn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t able to pump because the Kaiser found new exciting ways to scream his guts out when not held. He wouldn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t nurse. I didn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t want to use formula. It was ugly. I didn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t like the images in my head of flying baby across the room into a wall.

Tonight I knew I was setting myself up for getting him too comfy against me and I wouldn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t be able to pump w/out waking him and setting off the chain of events again. So I was moving away from him to pump when I thought wtf, might as well try nursing one more time.

I literally pulled the boob out, handed it to him, I swear he said ?¢‚Ǩ?ìhm, don?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t mind if I do?¢‚Ǩ¬ù and he opened his mouth and nursed for 10 mins till he was completely passed out asleep.

On his back.

His BACK people.

Alone. On his back.

Happy two month birthday bud. I love you, but I also love that I can sit four feet away from you and we are both okay with that.

Originally posted June 22, 2007.

Last night my brother bought us dinner from Heaven on Seven. Generally known as the place Scout and I could eat every day until we die – and only available in Chicago. We planned dinner a week in advance.

I had left overs, which is a joy of HoS because you get the love twice.

So we got on the road today, leftovers sitting beside me, fresh from the fridge. Because of the spice you don?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t really have to heat them up, and I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m pretty sure it?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s impossible for a serving of food to go bad because the spice would cauterize any bacteria that would try to harm you. That and getting ptomaine from the food of the Gods just seems impossible.

Day two of traveling with Tiny Kaiser was better – still took pretty much as long even though we went half the distance of the day before, we just took longer breaks when he needed a break, rather than waiting for him to completely lose his shit like we did yesterday (live and learn).

We got the hotel and rather than being able to plop face down on the bed and do nothing, we had to be all ?¢‚Ǩ?ìgood baby!?¢‚Ǩ¬ù ?¢‚Ǩ?ìgood kitty!?¢‚Ǩ¬ù to the baby and kitty respectively. This made them happy, which in turn made them less angrily vocal, which in the end made us happy, even though we only saw results on the back end rather than the immediate gratification of total silence that we would have had 8 weeks and a couple of days ago.

Scout crashed on the bed with Baby Kaiser (b/c Baby Kaiser still will wake up if left to sleep ?¢‚Ǩ?ìalone?¢‚Ǩ¬ù (ie not being within TK arms length of a parent)) I set about eating my leftovers.

Now with our new time zone (We?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢re Eastern now) it was past ten pm and our food of the day consisted of breakfast/lunch at Cracker Barrel south of Gary, Indiana and shakes at a Steak and Shake somewhere in Indiana (both stops were for the Kaiser?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s benefit – see above statement re: ?¢‚Ǩ?ìshit losing, prevention?¢‚Ǩ¬ù. Dinner never happened.

Neither did silverware. Now etouffe isn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t exactly finger food. But desperate times, measures etc. So I sat on the bed and ate every other bite off of my fingers – the bites I didn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t eat went to Scout – straight from my fingers to his mouth. Yes yes, we realize this is normally more of a strawberries and chocolate kind of vision – but this worked for us.

Our strange little family in a Marriott Courtyard, Kaiser sleeping on Scout, Scout and I eating cold left over cajun food from my fingers (with one mini fudge stripe cookie each for us for dessert), Kitty curled up in her kennel for the pretty much 23rd hour of today b/c when we try to put her in the bathroom so she can stretch out, she just cries for us – apparently being in the kennel near her people is better than lots of room all alone.

Love?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s a funny little thing.

Originally posted June 18, 2007

I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m so sick of typing one handed that all my compter correspondence is just going to hell.

I did want to post that I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ve developed my first non curse word that seems to fulfill my needs as a curse word that I can say in public.

I bring you :

Clustersmack.

Clearly public friendly replacement for ClusterFUCK. But the substitutions in Clustersmack seem to give my mouth enough things to do that I don?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t acutely miss the F in the middle of the word.

usage:

Movers showing up to pack up my house that isn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t ready for them pack up while my husband and I are short of sleep because we have a 7 1/2 week old cute boy AND my mother in law is still here AND we have no home (old or otherwise) in the land of vices ?¢‚Ǩ¬¶. is a clustersmack.

Originally posted June 11, 2007

During our final teacher meeting on Friday, we were told that our school psych (who is rather tiring) was going to introduce two speech/debate students to do a dramatic interp (I can?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t remember which category it was, but this is close) that she and several others had found quite moving and thought we should all see.

Now I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m not really one to drag out a meeting so I was unthrilled about listening to more stuff. I also assumed it was going to be on diversity or respect or whatev – a common theme in a suburban school that is changing from white upper middle class to a definite mix of lifestyles.

The girls came in – one thin and blonde the other round and black.

It was called ?¢‚Ǩ?ìThe Good Body?¢‚Ǩ¬ù

They started:

“When I was a little girl, people used to ask me, What do you want to be when you grow up? Good, I would say. I want to be good.”

They parsed a lot of the opening – but here it is in entirety.

It was all about how we perceive ourselves. How every woman has at least one part of their body that they hate, that if it were different they would be different etc. How we are whittling away at ourselves trying to be good. How women around the world are doing the same. How one woman in Africa, however, made the comment when asked ?¢‚Ǩ?ìdo you like your body??¢‚Ǩ¬ù was like, sure, My arms are strong, they carry things, my body is strong, it houses my soul etc. She said ?¢‚Ǩ?ìIn Africa, we live in our bodies.?¢‚Ǩ¬ù

I have to say, I was happy to spend 10 minutes of my life listening and watching this. Especially considering that these are teenagers. And I daily watch the naughty that they do, and don?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t always get to see this remarkable talent that they walk around with.

Last night Alex was sleeping frog style on me. His little legs frogged under him in my lap, with his head resting on my tummy.

I spent 36 weeks dreading the stretch marks, the inevitable stretch marks. The ones that within 3 days shot across my stomach like cracks in a windshield on a subzero winter day. Now, I will say that post pregnancy, my body is better than I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d expected. However, my stomach will now always be imperfect. The flat, tight, unmarked, crop top worthy stomach is way out of reach now.

And I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ve looked at it often in the porno mirror in the bathroom. The marks are already fading from that ghastly purple to pink, and one has already retreated to white. My stretch marks are kind of freeing me. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ll never be ?¢‚Ǩ?ìperfect?¢‚Ǩ¬ù. Not by my former rules of perfect. And I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m almost completely okay with that. I can be perfectly me.

*This is not to say that yesterday when I looked in the same porno mirror while I was wearing pants and could see the muffin top expanding around the sides of my pants that I didn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t just cringe. At the same time I was inwardly cringing, Scout looked at me and called me beautiful.*

So while Alex was sleeping like bear in winter on me last night I said, Maybe this is why my tummy is soft now – He spent 10.5 months punching it into the shape of the perfect pillow for himself.

I googled ?¢‚Ǩ?ìThe Good Body?¢‚Ǩ¬ù when I got home. I didn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t realize it was by the same woman who did ?¢‚Ǩ?ìThe Vagina Monologues?¢‚Ǩ¬ù (Eve Ensler). I was amused to see her haircut and realize that ?¢‚Ǩ?ìFriends?¢‚Ǩ¬ù poked fun at her during one of the Season 8 episodes. I found more of the book here.

This all ties back around to my drug free birth – but that?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s thoughts for another day.

Originally posted May 31, 2007

Sara blogged about the Sara of 10 years ago. Which made me think about the Dawn of 11 years ago today.

11 Years ago just about right now I was at a rehearsal for a wedding. I was in a black crop sweater with red trim and buttons. I was in a denim skort. I was wearing the Mia fisherman sandals for chicks that everyone owned that summer. I was paired with a groomsman who I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d met several times before. He walked me down the aisle. He was tall. We chatted. He was fun. He hit on one of the other bridesmaids.

I was at the end of a really?¢‚Ǩ¬¶ uh?¢‚Ǩ¬¶ growth oriented year. Carrie always said college was where you pushed the envelope to see what you were actually comfortable with. And I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d been pushing. Tossing off my virginity to the right guy who had the wrong marital status, one night stand with a friend. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d pushed the envelope all I wanted to. I was done. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d wrapped up the relationship with ?¢‚Ǩ?ìright guy/wrong status?¢‚Ǩ¬ù the weekend before. Telling him I loved him, him telling me he loved me. But finally kissing him goodbye. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d spent the last week completely alone and with many hours praying. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d finally felt forgiven and like I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d forgiven myself. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d told God I was done with Mr. Right Now and I was SO ready to be alone until Mr. Right came along. I was ready to be alone.

I spent that night with the girls, we watched Steel Magnolias, we cried, we slept. We got up the next morning and did the whole hair salon/makeup blah blah. Gussied up in the dresses, at the church. Wedding. Limo ride. A bunch of young 20s getting really shitfaced really fast. Lots of lewd comments with my groomsman about handcuffs and his occupation (all this after grabbing his piece unexpectedly as we were taking a picture (not his man piece?¢‚Ǩ¬¶ his other man piece).

Somewhere in the alcoholic haze of that night I fell. Hard. I ended up in a hotel room with him. I was thinking OMGWTF am I doing? I just forgave myself for this exact kind of shit. WHAT am I doing putting myself back in this situation? Clearly I was insane.

He came out of the bathroom and over to the bed where I was laying on my stomach. Here we go. What was I going to do? How bad was this situation going to get?

He sat by me and rubbed my shoulders and my back. And I, of the experienced backrub as foreplay kind of thinking, could tell that this was just a backrub. This wasn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t going to turn into seedy hotel sex that I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d feel really bad about when the sun came up.

I did kiss him a whole lot that night. Lots and lots.

And lots.

We swapped numbers and I called him a few days later expecting to have a really stilted conversation and getting off the phone with relief that I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d never really have to see him again. But a girl has to try.

Three hours or so later we were still on the phone.

Finally a man I could actually talk to.

11 years ago I was standing on the edge of a whole lot of stuff.

Today I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m all wrapped up with the little man who is the son of the man I fell for 11 years ago tomorrow.

Thanks Sara for the prompt to make me look back.

Originally posted May 23, 2007

I can read on the computer and hold sleeping Alex at the same time. Skillz, mad skillz I have.

Anyway, I blog jump to find interesting stuff to read to keep me awake because we are still waking every 75 minutes to eat and I do better just staying awake.

I wasn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t supposed to get pregnant. With my irregular cycles and birth certificate accurate age, I had 4 medical professionals tell me it would take drugs to get me knocked up. Scout and I were in agreement that if we couldn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t get pregnant then we?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d be okay with that.

Then strangely my cycles sort of got their shit together, or at the very least they learned to send up flares when I was ovulating. Three years of sex, no pill, cycle watching and the occasional condom – no baby. Which was a good thing.

We went to Europe, we came home, and on our 1st anniversary the familiar flare showed itself and we commenced trying. And there was Alex.

So much for the opinions of all those jagoff doctors.

Anyway. My blog jumping took me to this blog, all about a woman going through fertility treatment. It?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s been an amazing read, making me grateful for Alex in a new way. I know I wouldn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t have gone the fertility route, so I know now what I would have been missing.

Anyway. Read this post on Mother?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s Day. You can start halfway down where she talks about her mother and the eyepatch. Damn that?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s great stuff.

Originally posted May 20, 2007

Well I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ll tell you?¢‚Ǩ‚Äú

C R A B A S S

oh yes. loud and proud baby crabass.

Today we took a bath to cure the crab ass. Scout had left the room b/c he had just sat in the poopy diaper and was cleaning up.

Alex was splashing and having fun with me in the tub. He started to get fussy and a little cold so picked him up to hold against me (remember I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m in the tub with him). And he took a loose ole baby dump right in my snatch.

Again, this is why I have to go all in with this boy, so things like poop in my box is just a charming anectdote.

(Ed: I’m pretty sure Justin Timberlake won’t do an SNL sketch about this.)

Originally posted May 17, 2007

So Monday morning I woke with the determination to find something that resembled a schedule.

Alex was napping, so I went downstairs, took out smoothie ingredients from the fridge – yogurt, milk, strawberries – and from the cabinet – whey powder, flax seed, peanut butter, oatmeal.

I made smoothie, I poured coffee, I made waffles (in the toaster), I poured OJ.

I put everything away, went upstairs, Alex was awake, we talked about food and how it smelled, then we took a walk and watched some Sesame Street (with Donald Grump and Omagrossa, and Elmo stole Donald Grump?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s wig and DG said that was no problem, he had more, and whipped out a new one, so both DG and Elmo were wearing DG wigs.)

Tuesday and Wednesday mornings quickly became clusters.

This morning I woke, walked downstairs to make my smoothie took out smoothie ingredients from the fridge – milk, strawberries – and from the cabinet – whey powder, flax seed, yogurt, peanut butter, oatm?¢‚Ǩ¬¶?¢‚Ǩ¬¶ whoa?¢‚Ǩ¬¶.. yogurt doesn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t belong in the cabinet.

EWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Originally posted May 16, 2007

Had an AWESOME conversation with my sister in law today about how our husbands are these wonderful intelligent men who every few days just take a stupid pill and don?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t know what to do with the baby.

Her example was Deacon asking her when Baby Deacon?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s diaper had last been changed – she said a couple of hours. He asked if it needed to be changed. She told him she would go get her super poop detecting nostrils so she could ascertain if a diaper on a child three rooms away needed to be changed or not.

She also pointed out that we create this problem. That when we yell at?¢‚Ǩ¬¶. er?¢‚Ǩ¬¶. helpfully suggest?¢‚Ǩ¬¶. erm?¢‚Ǩ¬¶. lovingly mention that there is an alternate way to do something for three days in a row that inevitably on the 4th day they will be too scared to do anything on their own. Thus creating the TOAB phenomena.

Originally posted the day after Mom’s Day, 2007

Oh yeah, Alex can projectile. He was out of sorts last night, and I wondered where he was putting all his food. Would settle him down, put him down, he?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d wake up about the time I got the covers pulled to my chin. Went through that routine a few times, then he was settled long enough to hear that ?¢‚ǨÀúurp?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢. By the time I made it across the room to pick him up to clean up the mess he shot what looked to be the last 2 feedings out with some distance. So it?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s on him, in his hair, all over the bed. I got Scout, and started ripping the nasal aspirator out of it?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s package, because whatever hadn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t shot out his mouth had gone straight to his sinuses. Gross. So several minutes of screaming followed by a prompt zonk out on me.

All of this woke Scout completely up and I was still sleepy, so he?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s been up all night, payback may be hell.

***

It?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s always the dumb things that make the big events sink in. I can?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t remember what randomness made me realize Scout and I were married – but last night I was fixing my address book and searched our last name and there was my name and Scout?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s name. Like I haven?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t seen this a million times. But something about seeing Scout?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s name in my email takes me back to when we were early dating and the excitement of seeing mail from him.

Today we got Alex?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s Social Security card in the mail. Same feeling of OMG WTF I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m the parent of someone, I have to be responsible for keeping track of someone?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s social security card.

Mommy!