Kaiser Mommy

Choose Joy. Every Time.

From the Archives – Laugh and the World Laughs with You

Originally posted May 17, 2007 So Monday morning I woke with the determination to find something that resembled a schedule. Alex was napping, so I went downstairs, took out smoothie ingredients from the fridge – yogurt, milk, strawberries – and from the cabinet – whey powder, flax seed, peanut butter, oatmeal. I made smoothie, I poured coffee, I made waffles (in the toaster), I poured OJ. I put everything away,.. Read More

From the Archives – Tits on a Boar Phenomena

Originally posted May 16, 2007 Had an AWESOME conversation with my sister in law today about how our husbands are these wonderful intelligent men who every few days just take a stupid pill and don?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t know what to do with the baby. Her example was Deacon asking her when Baby Deacon?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s diaper had last been changed – she said a couple of hours. He asked if it needed to be.. Read More

From the Archives – 15 Minutes Past Mother’s Day + Another Milestone

Originally posted the day after Mom’s Day, 2007 Oh yeah, Alex can projectile. He was out of sorts last night, and I wondered where he was putting all his food. Would settle him down, put him down, he?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d wake up about the time I got the covers pulled to my chin. Went through that routine a few times, then he was settled long enough to hear that ?¢‚ǨÀúurp?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢. By the.. Read More

From the Archives – Being the Mom

Originally posted May 12, 2007 I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m the Mom. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m the one with the milk on some part of my clothing. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m the one who voluntarily and automatically does the dishes. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m the one who hasn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t left the house without the baby. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m the one with the post delivery hormone induced acne. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m the one with the tiny baby fingernail claw marks on my neck. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m the one who when Alex.. Read More

From the Archives – All In

Originally posted May 8, 2007 It?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s been a hard couple of days to live in my head. 1 am for some reason is the time some demon comes to visit. The hour of all my fears setting their teeth into me. Two nights ago those teeth took the form of remembering a story relayed by a holocaust survivor about what happened to his infant niece. (And I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ll leave it at.. Read More

From the Archives – Gift of the Magi

Originally posted May 7, 2007 On Thursday, Scout was strung out. I could tell that he was having trouble because testosterone brings on less instant maternal instincts than the ovaries do. Well, that and he hasn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t done things like sing ?¢‚Ǩ?ìThe Ants Go Marching?¢‚Ǩ¬ù for 45 minutes while trying to get Aly to go to sleep, he hasn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t ever been alone in a house with a hungry baby and a.. Read More

From the Archives – Alex Day 9

Short archived post for you today, please check out my guest post at Audubon Ron’s place, Ducks Mahal. Be sure to scroll down and read the first 4 entries of the Rosewood series. Originally posted May 4, 2007 The cord stump falling off sucks. Alex was done eating yesterday and had fallen asleep beside me, I was talking to mom and suddenly realized he was wide awake and looking directly.. Read More

From the Archives: Alex Days 3 and 4

Originally posted April 27, 2007, and April 28, 2007.?Ǭ† We survived the night – not really sure why we bought a crib though?¢‚Ǩ¬¶. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m apparently the mom who believes with all her heart that if she puts the baby in the crib and leaves the room to go upstairs and actually sleep or something that the breath bandits will come and take the baby?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s soul away. And one in the.. Read More

From the Archives: 41 Weeks 4 Days

Originally posted April 24, 2007. oh yeah, that?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s what the trip to Target for pasta sauce and some milk and some peanut butter turned into. Spinal Tap, Veronica Mars S2, Scrubs S2, Friends S8, two different cake mixes, muffin mix, 3 kinds of ice cream, three boxes of jalapeno poppers, more chocolate, mac n cheese, chips, Milanos ?¢‚Ǩ¬¶. we did get the stuff we went in for – but holy.. Read More

From the Archives: 41 Weeks 2 Days

Previously posted April 22, 2007.?Ǭ† (Dude, don’t taunt a pregnant lady – I’m surprised I wasn’t breathing fire I was so mad.) Seriously, I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m so pissed off about this that I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m convinced Alex will be born with horns. I hate me, I hate Scout, I hate the baby, the cat has been smart enough to stay away from me so she?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s safe from the hate, I hate the grandparents (all.. Read More

From the Archives: Interventions

Originally posted April 20, 2007. I?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢m a pretty intervention free kind of pregnant woman. Alex has till 840am on Tuesday before the gentlest of the medical type interventions begin. So if you?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d wanna say a prayer or whatever that this boy decides he wants out between now and then?¢‚Ǩ¬¶. In the words of Bill Lumbergh – ?¢‚Ǩ?ìThat?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d be greeeeeaaaat.?¢‚Ǩ¬ù On the flip side of the medical interventions are those we.. Read More

From the Archives: Last Day of Work

Originally posted April 18, 2007.?Ǭ† I didn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t know when I went to bed last night that today would be my last day of work. But when I got in the car this morning with Scout to go to work (late). I knew. When I walked into work. I knew. While I was reading the end of a book to my 5th hour class. I knew. While I was reading that.. Read More

From the Archives: Nominate me for the Nobel Peace Prize

Originally posted April 17th, 2007. Seriously. I have figured out some serious shit today. In reading the book The Sweet Potato Queens?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ Field Guide to Men: Every Man I Love Is Either Married, Gay, or Dead the author talks about ?¢‚Ǩ?ìMan Ears?¢‚Ǩ¬ù. To quickly sum up – Man Ears is what all men have that make it so that everything we say somehow becomes an invitation for sex. Example: ?¢‚Ǩ?ìLet?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s.. Read More