Hm. It seems that my postpartum blues/depression may be emerging in a way I hadn’t anticipated. I’ve expected to end up back on the happy pills, something which actually seemed to comfort the terrific discharge nurse I had in the hospital. She and I were already seeing eye to eye and when she started the postpartum depression spiel I told her I already had a history of depression, and that if it hit, it would take me a few days, maybe a week, to realize what had happened, and at that point I’d take care of it.

Apparently my episodes are going to be characterized by anger. Big anger. Not at Alex. At that other male in the house.

In 11 years I have never wanted to voluntarily pack my shit and leave. Tonight ….. tonight if I wouldn’t have been busy holding this perfect baby I think I would have done my husband harm and then packed up and left.

Perhaps I should mention this at my 6 week appt.

(I say perhaps because I’m trying to be cute. This will for sure come up in 2 weeks at my appointment.)