To anyone giving me dirty looks in the grocery while I was holding my vocally crabby infant and pushing his stroller: Yes, I know it looks stupid, Yes, I know he’s annoying to listen to, I know this because I spend several hours a day listening to it. You get to go home. Blow me.

To the woman in the awesome dress with her daughter in a wrap, who was chatting with a random stranger (In one of those conversations all new parents get stuck in with strangers), thank you for not rolling your eyes at my predicament and acting superior b/c you were baby wearing and I was not. I forgot my wrap at home which is what caused the predicament in the first place. I am one of you.

To the man who came around me in the self check out to see the vocally crabby infant and then joke with me “are you going to feed him that sushi?”: Dude, do I LOOK like I’m in a mood or position to joke. I think not. Help me scan my groceries, or get them out of the bottom of the stroller while trying to not lose my balance while my son filets my face with his fingernails. I’ll love you forever. But thank you for saying as you walked away that he’s cute as a button. I wish you would have led with that, you would have gotten the thank you that etiquette owed you.

To the cashier who wouldn’t stop talking to her friend when my card was failing and the check out said “wait for cashier”. Who kept talking to her friend when I pushed the call button. Who finally walked over when the pissy laser beam mom eye glare burned a hole through her and got her attention: fuck off. I DID press CREDIT you biatch. I’m out of high school, undergraduate and graduate school. Don’t look at me like that because I procreated, and I won’t report you to your boss that you SUCK at your job.

To my boy – who managed to laugh for me in the midst of all of this. A new sound from his little self. Thank you. You always make me glad you are around JUST at the moment I contemplate praying for gypsies to kidnap you.