Thank you everyone for all your thoughts on the blogrolling thing last week. I learned that blogrolls are used for props, in place of readers (like g00gle or bloglines), are dusty and forgotten, are reciprocal, are advertising, are awesome, are overlooked, and that Ron was a model and Adamick is a pervy stalker. Wait – one of those things I already knew….

The whole high school analogy started in my head when I started thinking of BlogHer 08, and remembered reflections on BlogHer 07.

I was far from the conference, I was barely blogging at the time, so BlogHer 07 wasn’t on my radar, other than seeing the bling on many many sites. After it was over, I saw several reflections on hurt feelings, or cliquishness (wow, that’s apparently a word), or lack of circulating. Also on sisterhood and mothers and fun and a bunch of people with some stinky cheese and scary doors on the bathroom in the hotel and how no one could do their biz because there wasn’t any privacy.

I wondered who I would be. Where I would fit in. How would I react?

I mean, seriously, what a weird conference. You place yourself in a room full of women – some who you know EVERYTHING about (let’s face it, we. are not. discreet.) but yet you do not know. It’s hard to tell what someone really looks like – I’ve seen a ton of photos of some of ya’ll and you look different in every single one. You can only tell so much from a photo. So here you are, new place, new people, and hello with the awkward.

I would love to say that I would be the includer, that I would be seeking out people and making everyone feel welcome. I’d love to feel secure in knowing that I would be the same person in person as I am on screen. But, I’ve met me, (a few times) and I’m afraid that I’d be overcome with shyness, and I wouldn’t mingle well at all.

There’s a pull to go though … and when all the dust was settling from last years conference … four months later, I remember this post.

And I’ve thought of that “heart-friend love” that HBM talks about for four months now. I totally understand that. Thinking of that perspective and realizing that everyone is trying to soak up enough of that heart-friend love to make it through to the next time, makes me think it would be worth going. Even if I sat on the sidelines and watched. Even if I just bit my nails off a little bit more. Even if I awkwardly said hello when I was longing to throw my arms around my own “heart-friend love” people. I’m just afraid of being a spaz and getting to the end of it and feeling like I should have done it all better …

But… we’re thinking about it … thinking about making a family vacation out of the trip – doing the Northern Cali thing. Then I could go jump this particular heart-friend (who is gone on vacation this week and I MISS HER, OMW, I MISS HER – boo hoo), and maybe the speakeasy boys would take Scout on a three way man date (dude, that just sounded dir-tay!)