I am filled to the brim with boogers.

That, my friends is as fine an introduction to me as you can possibly ask for.

The culmination of this current illness has been a loud, barking cough and a rumbling wheezing in my chest, reminiscent of a Ford Fairlane. Oh and also? I LOOK TOTALLY HOT.

Red nose? check

Peeling skin on the red nose? check

Poofy eyes? check

Bruised ribs from coughing so hard? check

However, dear friends I can deal will all of these minor inconveniences were I able to maintain my dignity while ill. Clearly, this is not the case. To wit:

Sitting at my desk at the evil empire, a little tickle at the back of my throat became a coughing fit of epic proportions. The clouds were parting in reverence to my colossally large and seal-like noises.

me :Bark Bark Baaaaaaaaaaaark Haaaaaaaaack cough wheeeeeeeze

boss: are you OK?!

me: *nodding daintily* HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK

As she leaned forward to smack my back in an effort to help, it happened. Something dislodged from my lungs and leapt forward, and out of my nose. She and I both watched the offending lung oyster careen through the air and hit the fine fine carpeting with an unceremonious splat.

I started to laugh.

She was less amused, but said very little as I leapt forward, tissue in hand, to clean up the offending boogey. As I giggled to myself and fought down the urge to cry, the snot mixed in with all of my conflicting emotions resulted in a large and unmistakable snort.

I suppose it’s a good thing I didn’t also have gas.


flutter writes at byflutter.