Kaiser Mommy

The cord stump falling off sucks. Alex was done eating yesterday and had fallen asleep beside me, I was talking to mom and suddenly realized he was wide awake and looking directly at me. Like he SAW me. He had tears in his little red eyes and was breathing very carefully. He was looking at me like “Mommy, something hurts, I’m confused, I don’t understand.” So I picked him up.. Read More

Holy Mary Mother Fuck. The occasional back contraction – now THAT’S something to write home about.

Annoyed with the midwife today. Wtf is it with people and the freak out over OMG YOU DIDN’T POP THIS KID OUT ON THE DUE DATE WE MADE UP FROM THIN FUCKING AIR? Never mind that her “exam” was so fucking rough I finally asked her if she was wearing a ring when her knuckle was pushing through my taint (Okay fine, women don’t have a taint, but you get.. Read More

This is part of the email I wrote to my sister in law this morning while not sleeping – She’s at 34 weeks and convinced something must be wrong with her or the baby in order for her to be feeling so much pain: No no, feel free to bitch my direction. I totally understand, and you know I’m not going to pat you on the head and try to.. Read More

So, there are things about pregnancy that I was dreading, and I’m pretty sure that there are different things about pregnancy that different people dread. Like sitting in childbirth class (which is worthless by the way – these classes are geared for people who only have female friends and mothers who will NOT tell it like it is) and one woman said her only concern about pregnancy was that she.. Read More

I had to pee in a cup at my last midwife appointment. No big deal. Till I realized that my preggers belly blocked the view of the pee and the cup. I was having to shoot blind so to speak. Scout really didn’t understand my amusement at the whole deal. But he did point out that he has external parts, so this really isn’t an issue for him.