I’m going through old journals. I have quotes written in them, my own thoughts, my plans. This particular one is over ten years old.

I have two movie quotes my friend Ty shared with me:

Q: Are you in love?

A: I have memorized his phone number, I do not share his toothbrush, it’s somewhere in between.

(I believe it’s from Things to do in Denver when You’re Dead)

The next one I’ve used as a basis for my partners – It meshed well with what I always really thought, it was just phrased prettier

Make a list of the ten things you hold most dear. You never find someone to fill all ten, but if you fill five or six, you’ve done well.”

See. I don’t know about that anymore. Why not expect all ten? Are we selling ourselves and our potential relationships short by just assuming?

In any case. I have a list dated May 20, 2001 that I thought I’d share for giggles. 🙂 Oh what that girl thought she knew. Oh how I wonder what I will think in 2021 of the girl I am now.

Things I Hold Most Dear

Home (I am a daughter of Missouri)

Writing – being able to share (2001 = preblogging wth?)

Family

Church

Camp friends (singing, talking, support, love of a good float trip)

Love

Career goals

Not being pushed away

Education

Ability to make it through the day without a drink or a toke

Having goals – wanting to do something

9-5 M-F regular schedule

Whistle or sing around the house

Make my heart beat faster

Wants kids/good with kids

A dance partner

Turns off the alarm on the first ring

That sharp haircut at the back of the neck

A reader

A roadtripper

 

September 4, 2001 (just before the whole damn world changed)

I learned I need a man I can adore, and I have to be smart enough that I make sure he matches the list and is good to me.

December 10, 2001

I learned I deserve a man who adores me too.

 

I wonder how I got so frickin’ lost along the way – but I know the answer. I did all that work on looking out at what I wanted and I never considered myself. Adoring myself. Nothing in there about choosing joy no matter what.

So if ya need me, I’ll be over here jumpin’ back and kissing myself 🙂