I’ve long had the idea that if I took a section of time and REALLY looked at myself and REALLY worked toward taking care of myself in a focused effort to get my act together – and everyone else was doing the same thing with their ownselves – and THEN WE all reached out to one other person and helped THEM . . . and so on and so forth . . . That things just might actually improve.
As it is now, I run around trying to take care of other people, leaving my own stuff unattended. I focus on people (sometimes) who aren’t helping me in the slightest. I get distracted by the bright shiny and neglect what is most important to me.
This month is going to be different. While the rest of world is barfing up pink and saving the tatas, I am going to be selfishly saving my sanity. I am spending this month focused on what needs to happen next. Focusing on this present day. Not looking at the past and moping about what hasn’t worked out. Not worrying about the future and all the things I cannot control. Not getting lost in daydreams about how I want things to be. Truthfully, the dreaming of what I want is only hurting me, planning a future with factors I can’t control is just defeating. Better plan is to focus on now and see what I can mojo in this moment.
I’ve met my breaking point with work and found my way to focus and help, with the help of a long phone call and the friend who understood me best in that struggle. What I learned from that is it’s okay to let other’s carry me when I struggle. It’s actually okay to admit I’m in a struggle in the first place.
This is my selfish month. I’m not ignoring or neglecting anyone else, but I will be interested to see who picks up the phone, who writes the emails, who checks in on me, while I’m focusing on this life right here right now.
It’s been a weekend of cleaning and head clearing. I have some ties I need to wrap up that are holding me tethered to what isn’t working. Nothing like scrubbing a floor for a few hours to help me focus on the words I need to write.
If you need me, I’m ovah heah gettin’ my headspace together. If I am who you need, I’m still right here for you. Please don’t forget about me. Please love me when I’m back around in your world. Please forgive me for taking my selfish time.