Yannow the Linkin Park song Bleed it Out?

In my case it’s scream it out.

er. make that

SCREAM IT OUT

I’m just that mess of so much that needs to GET OUT

After a week of being sick . . . without energy . . . the walls of the house closing in as I can.not.function and can only sleep to get the will to get out of bed to cough another day  . . .

I am finally feeling better –  not perfect – but good enough to be stir crazy – to see the clothes on the floor and want to lose my mind.

I’ve had so much time to lay around and think and think and Think and THINK that my thoughts are a tornado of swirls and I can barely catch the tail of my plan, of my future, of whatever I’ve organized in my head to be my next step.

I settle myself into a plan – already forgotten by the next time I think about it – so I have to go through the motions of figuring it out again – spending that energy and that time slowing going freaking crazy in the swirl of thoughts.

I have no doubts about what is important. I *know* VERY CLEARLY what I want, what I hold most dear. I am done with the old, the broken. I know the direction I want to take my Alex and I, yet we aren’t moving that way – we are sitting at a red light of the intersection of life, watching the traffic whizzing by, inching forward , wondering if the sensor missed our presence, wondering just how long till we get to go OVAH THERE (for the loveuhgawd!)

I am standing here in my mental superhero cape poised and ready to jump but stuck waiting for the flag to drop to tell me it’s go time.

So I will sit here and SCREAM IT OUT.