Kaiser Mommy

Choose Joy. Every Time.

Right Now

Do you ever wonder how many times you will have to be hit over the head with a lesson before you choose to learn it? This is where I am right now. Back in April, my friend Carrie sent me to a site with guided meditations, specifically because there was one about opening my heart to love that she thought would help me. Night after night I would pick one and listen. One.. Read More

#BlogHer12 Days 1 and 2

I left my house at Oh Wow It is Early on Wednesday morning. Carrying Alex’s Chiefs Backpack as my carry on. I arrived in New York for BlogHer12 at noon. Amazing Photographer Lotus and I sat in the bar, eating 25 dollar small plates of food and drinking 15 dollar drinks. (Red Wine and Vodka Gimlet respectively.) Avitable, Greis and Amalah and her husband met up with us. I dropped a wine glass and.. Read More

Who has your back?

I grew up in a world where Mom only locked the doors if we were going to be gone for more than one overnight. Dad left a spare key out where we could find it if we needed it – and that was to the business and the house. I grew up in tiny villages (300 people) to small towns (5000 people) to a college town (18K – with all the students). I.. Read More

The one where I talk honestly about thinking about having another child.

It used to be simple. Scout and I had Alex. I was exhausted, never wanted to go through pregnant and newborn again. He only ever wanted one child. He got his boy on the first shot. Done. Then my dad died, I was destroyed, and the only thing that that let me survive that was my brothers. Granted, non-legal step-brothers if one wanted to be technical. Still. These men are the brothers of.. Read More

of epic hickeys and swim trunks

After the debacle of the boys and calling off men for the summer of 2012 and planning for all my romance to be of my own design with my girls … After deciding I loved my little house and my little life – I sat at my friend Amanda’s and I met a boy. Nice enough boy. A month later I decided to make a play for the boy. As you do. Because.. Read More

What I am learning from Fifty Shades of Grey

I gave in to the hysteria of women everywhere going “zomg! you have to read this book, Fifty Shades of Grey. I was so completely underwhelmed in the first few chapters. To sum up for you: “Hi, baby,  my name is Christian Grey, baby. I am hot, rich and like to fuck, baby. I have commitment issues, baby. I have control issues, baby. I have rules, baby. I’m a bad boy, baby.” “Hi, I’m.. Read More

Free Condoms!

(I’m getting some compensation for this post.) I’ve never had fantastic luck shopping for sex related anything in mainstream stores. Either I have to dodge buying my pleasure packs from teenage boys, or I have to have a friend buy my condoms because I’m in the line behind the oldest teacher in my building (this was a real event when I was student teaching.) As a single thirty whatever woman, I realized it’s.. Read More

Roadmap

I’ve concluded that I do not know where I’m going. I’m lost. I could be all WASPy about it and set a goal. I could be all Navajo about it and decide that setting a goal could prevent me from going with life’s flow and finding what I’m truly meant for. I could hide under my covers and not come out. Oooo… there’s a thought… I could . . . . What I’m.. Read More

Haunted (subtitle: Where I hit publish after writing a dream)

I dreamed about you last night. It was wartime and we were together and in danger. We narrowly escaped being put in the rooms where the gas was thrown and the yellow-green explosion came up from below. It was cold but not bitterly so. We were rounded up with others and as we waited for the soldiers to get to us, I looked at you directly, saying, “I love you” for the first.. Read More

For she was yours

Marty posted a photo of Susan Niebur – age 15. Then she posted a photo of both of them, age high school, on facebook. Early 90s, post 80s hairspray, Cindy Crawford eyebrows, church retreat, a stunningly familiar lack of cool. (note the word “familiar” as in “like me lookin in a mirror”) I thought I was worrying about Susan because of her awesomeness (which I was). I thought I was emotional because I.. Read More

Goodnight Moonlight Ladies

I have an iTunes playlist that is labelled simply “camp”. I could name a hundred people who would know exactly what to look for in that list – Indigo Girls, James Taylor, Styx …. Those same people know the importance of the phrases “Polar Bears”, “The Bell”, “Aunt Jean”, “Three Tiered Dress”, “PnL”, “Hey Jean, What’s the temperature?”, “Wolf Spider”, “Blue Ball”, “Whats the chances”, “So there I was” …. and OF COURSE.. Read More

So there I was . . .

Disclaimer: If you have a weak stomach – do not read. If you would ever like to see me naked – do not read if grossness would change your mind.   Anyway. I threw up. Easy as can be. None of that staring into the porcelain God misery waiting for the gagging to start. I spit a bit and realized how much better my stomach felt. Then I realized I had no idea.. Read More