Kaiser Mommy

Choose Joy. Every Time.


I started arranging the washcloths at Restoration Hardware today – they were messed up and I was compulsively correcting them. Hopefully that is a good sign!

Day 281.5

I shopped today. People thought I was due weeks from now – flattering. Bought clothes that I’ll get to wear soon – or now if I’m stubborn about it. I keep trying to connect my heart with Alex’s. It sounds sweet, but the majority of my communication from my heart to his is “please be born, please be born, please be born now.”

Day 281

Oh boy. “Overdue”. Big whoop. I’m so relieved to have a couple of days off so I don’t have to deal with people from work and all the comments. I think Scout’s ready for me to stay home just so I don’t come home and complain. One of them started asking me the routine list of dumb questions yesterday at 728am, (when I’d woken up at 647am), before I had.. Read More

Questions of Death

Kristen and I just got off the phone. She is in week 18. I am in week 118. No no, week 39 I mean. We each asked each other the questions of death – Me: Boy or girl?Her: Don’t know, had to reschedule the appointment. Do you have a baby yet?Me: Not yet. We likely asked each other the very same questions that many other people have asked us and.. Read More


Now, Scout and I were born during snow storms, so naturally I assumed Alex would be too, even though Scout scoffed at me because his due date was April. Now I’m here to tell you, it looks like freaking Winter Wonderland outside … WHERE is my baby? Snug as a bug in my tum. What a man.

Too tired to be observant

Came home, had contractions (little ones), had back ache, took nap (three hours), woke up, snowing in April outside, no contractions, no back ache, still crazy tired. Dorothy and I talked about the dissolving of the good girl complex and how nice it is to have the strength and the scapegoat of pregnancy to justify the being bitchy. I should really spend some time chatting about that, it’s absolutely one.. Read More

Why Ivy is my hero.

Me: “I’m afraid my kid is going to come out as a combination of the Arby’s menu, chocolate pudding and frozen peaches.” Ivy: “Well at least you know he’ll be something you love!”

4 days

“You’re here?” “You’re here!” “I wondered if you’d be here today.” “What are you doing here?” “WHEN are you due?” All comments heard all freaking day from anyone who I remotely regularly talk to at work. Along with the follow up question: “Do you think you’ll go early?” (because clearly I’m fucking omnipotent and have compwete and tow-tal contwol over dis pwegnancy) Advice from Heidi at work (unfortunately she gave.. Read More

5 days ish

Easter. Still not loving Easter. Today was meltdown day again. Scared. Scared of change, scared of what could go wrong, really not happy that after 10 months of sheer bliss I’m rewarded with some hella pain to make the 10 months of sheer bliss end. I mean, really, wouldn’t a tantric orgasm covered in chocolate really be better payback. And I mean an orgasm like a guy has one –.. Read More

My job sucks

I’m processing. I’m being really really honest here. We aren’t Pollyanna’s here – we don’t do trite, this is probably as far from idealistic as I will ever admit to being. I have one of the worst jobs on the planet to have while pregnant. Early on, there were just a couple of people at work who seemed to understand that. Most people when they hear I’m a special ed.. Read More

9 days and working on being homeless

So we’ve had two showings of the house on Monday, we got a call this morning that the very first people who looked at the house want to come back and look tonight. Scary. Good Scary, but Scary.

34 years old

My husband is 34 years old (I think….) His mother just put HIS baby clothes in the mail for us to use.

10 days ish

Okay, so there are a few perks to being pregnant. 1. You can eat as much as you want and really never feel guilty2. Watching the baby move in your stomach – I could do this for hours, like a cat watching a fishbowl3. Getting a laugh out of the midwife who said she didn’t need to “check” you at your visit – her comment “if I can’t see the.. Read More